cnsmith093 Posted September 25, 2016 Share Posted September 25, 2016 I known this guy I am seeing since I was 12 and I am now 23. We have been going back in forth since we were young. He has a lot of personal issues with himself. His family lives in another state. He lives close by to me by himself. His family moved away a few years ago and he has been on his own ever since. He doesn't have a college education or a steady job. He always tells me he lives here for me and basically making me feel as though he has all these issues because of me. He also has trust issues in our relationship ( I wasn't faithful in my teenage years) he never comes over to my house to be with me and my family. ( I am a big family person) I constantly have to go over to his house and sleep there. I cook and clean for him.. I can't tell you the last time he took me on a date. Even if he can't afford it a picnic would be sufficient. My point is that I feel like I am making the most effort and he doesn't see it. Every time I go there or he comes here he is on his phone playing a video game. I think he has lost motivation in himself and this relationship. He is very affectionate and tells me he loves and cares about me often... anyone that is ever around us feel as though we should call it quits . I am so unsure of what to do at this point. I have my life in order and I just feel like I am on a sinking ship. I do love him but I am also depressed because I feel that he is dragging me down with him.. Link to comment
SkellyWoozle Posted September 25, 2016 Share Posted September 25, 2016 You are making an effort and he isn't because you allow him to behave this way. For the past 11 years you've made it comfortable for him to behave this way. If he's got someone waiting on him hand, foot and finger then why would he want to get up and do anything. I'm sure he does love you and care for you... he'd be stuffed without you, by the sounds of it! Only YOU can make the decision about this as you definitely have the upper hand. You either tell him to pull his socks up and set some boundaries (that he does something around the house, comes over to you once or twice a week, etc) or that you've had enough and you're not going to go around to him any more and wait on him. At the moment he has the best of both worlds. Does he want to get a job? If he does then you can offer to HELP, but he has to do the dirty work - fill in the applications, etc. You're making it too easy for him to be a slob X Link to comment
cnsmith093 Posted September 25, 2016 Author Share Posted September 25, 2016 I think he wants a job but he has no motivation and he has no goals! I am so upset, how can I marry this person? I am unhappy and taking care of him as it is. His apartment is never clean ( only when I clean it) he comes here and he isolates himself to his stupid video game ( that he spends his money on) he gets all aggravated when I ask him to come to stores with me.. I feel as if I should just move on I think I've tried everything. He guilts me with the fact that I am the only thing he has left Link to comment
SkellyWoozle Posted September 25, 2016 Share Posted September 25, 2016 Yes, but you're also making it easier for him to slob about and not get a job. How about you find him, let's say, three jobs to apply for. Even if they're just little things - surely it's better than sitting in his house all day playing computer games. Ultimately this is about you and what you want from life. You either carry on as you are or move on and be happy. Don't allow this man to guilt trip into hanging around and cleaning his flat for him - he's perfectly capable of doing it for himself! Link to comment
cnsmith093 Posted September 25, 2016 Author Share Posted September 25, 2016 Thank you! If I shown him three jobs to apply for- he wouldn't.. Link to comment
reinventmyself Posted September 25, 2016 Share Posted September 25, 2016 Do you want to be partner or a parent? Link to comment
SkellyWoozle Posted September 25, 2016 Share Posted September 25, 2016 Thank you! If I shown him three jobs to apply for- he wouldn't.. Is he depressed? Do you think he needs help? Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted September 25, 2016 Share Posted September 25, 2016 You can do much better than this. Do not let this guy guilt trip you into being his maid and hookup. Read up on "controlling relationships" and "warning signs of an abuser". RUN!He always tells me he lives here for me and basically making me feel as though he has all these issues because of me. I constantly have to go over to his house and sleep there. I cook and clean for him.. I go there or he comes here he is on his phone playing a video game. Link to comment
SooSad33 Posted September 25, 2016 Share Posted September 25, 2016 I think he wants a job but he has no motivation and he has no goals! I am so upset, how can I marry this person? I am unhappy and taking care of him as it is. His apartment is never clean ( only when I clean it) he comes here and he isolates himself to his stupid video game ( that he spends his money on) he gets all aggravated when I ask him to come to stores with me.. I feel as if I should just move on I think I've tried everything. He guilts me with the fact that I am the only thing he has left I agree.. I see no future in this. HE has issue's and YOU cannot fix him. With him laying blame your way? Pathetic. Dont let him bring you down. Emotional damage etc is NOT right . Link to comment
cnsmith093 Posted September 25, 2016 Author Share Posted September 25, 2016 I think he is a controlling person he doesn't want me to have a Facebook, Snapchat, or an Instagram. He has issues within himself and this is why we will never be happy together. You guys are just verifying the truth. I will have to take care of him for the rest of my life I can't fix him ! Link to comment
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