Vanished into thin air.......why?

[Tulula]

Hi all, first time post

 

I was recently contacted by an ex boyfriend, with whom I'd had a long relationship (five years), way back a few years ago. We were also 'first loves'. He'd traced me online anyway, found me and he emailed me. Imagine my surprise when I received his email out of the blue after all of this time. I was overjoyed to hear from him again.

 

Anyway we began emailing back and forth, caught up on what each of the other was doing now and we talked about old times. He said he'd like for us to be 'online friends', I agreed. After the initial 'catching up' was over, mails were then just full of 'newsy' stuff. A few weeks into our emailing, I'd noticed that what he was saying in emails was becoming more intimate, he'd appeared to be moving closer. He'd greet me by 'hiya sweetie', or 'hiya darling', when usually he'd greet me by my first name. He'd say he'd missed me and there were also a lot of what I'd thought were 'mixed messages' in his emails. I got the impression that he was 'testing' me, maybe looking for signs to see if I still had feelings for him, because despite emailing, I never let on to him that I still had feelings for him - didn't want to make a fool of myself incase he didn't feel the same way. Anyway, in one of these mails, he'd mentioned that he was going to be in my area on business soon, told me where he'd be and the days he'd be here - it would be nice if I dropped by to see him. I work really long hours and so I'd told him that I'd try my best to go and see him, if I could manage to take time off from work.

 

Unfortunately, I wasn't able to take time off work and so I didn't show up to see him..........and since I didn't show up, he's vanished, POOF, gone....no word since!!!!

I did send him an email explaing why I wasn't able to show up, but that email lies in his inbox unread. I've received no emails, no nothing at all from him for nearly two months and am finding myself wondering now, why did he just disappear like that and when he'd appeared to be moving a lot closer, when he was inititating all of the moves and the intimacy and when it was him who wanted us to be 'friends'? Why even bother to come back into my life at all, just to totally vanish from it again without even a goodbye?

 

I know he's still alive and well because I have a friend who often visits his town and he's been seen. I also know that he isn't involved with any other woman/isn't in another relationship. Can anyone shed any light as to why men might just simply vanish, after appearing to be moving closer.......I just can't figure him out. Thanks for all replies received

[DN]

Unfortunately, I wasn't able to take time off work and so I didn't show up to see him..........and since I didn't show up, he's vanished, POOF, gone....no word since!!!!

 

Dollars to donuts that is the reason. It would have been better to have either made concrete arrangements or have told him you could not because of work. He dos not know why you were not there because he did not read your e-mail, probably because he is either angry or humiliated. Try to contact him by phone and explain. Major fence mending required, I would guess.

[annie24]

Yeah - I would contact him - give him a phone call this time. Did you make concrete plans, and then you just didn't show up? It makes me angry when people do that to me.

[Tulula]

Unfortunately, I wasn't able to take time off work and so I didn't show up to see him..........and since I didn't show up, he's vanished, POOF, gone....no word since!!!!

 

Dollars to donuts that is the reason. It would have been better to have either made concrete arrangements or have told him you could not because of work. He dos not know why you were not there because he did not read your e-mail, probably because he is either angry or humiliated. Try to contact him by phone and explain. Major fence mending required, I would guess.

 

Thanks DN. Maybe I should've been a little more clearer. OK, he'd mentioned in an email that he was going to be in my area soon, it'd be nice to see me. I'd then mailed him back and told him that I would go and see him, so long as I could get the time off work. This is when I'd received a further email from him, telling me that he was going to be in my town in a few days time, told me places and days, it would be nice if I stopped by. So ya know, because I didn't show up, he'd have known that it was because of my work committments........or you'd have thought so anyway.

 

I knew there was something wrong, because while he was here on business, I'd sent him an email asking him to contact me on IM. He read this email I noticed, but he didn't respond. I guessed that he didn't respond/didn't bother IM'ing me, because he was annoyed that I hadn't shown up. And so this is when I'd sent another email saying that I was very sorry for not showing up, I couldn't get the time off work and it was a shame bcause I'd have loved to have seen him again.........and this is the mail that lies unread and I've never heard of him since.

 

You are probably right, he probably is feeling angry, humiliated and perhaps a little rejected because I didn't show up. He might also be thinking that he isn't that 'important' to me or that I have no interest in him anymore after all of these years, else I'd have made some excuse or other to take time off work to go and see him.

 

But can people stay that angry after all of this time? It's been two months and no word whatsoever. I don't have his phone number, so it's not like I can phone and try to put things right. We also live long distance, so it's not like I can even go and visit him. It's pointless even sending more emails, when he is just not reading them - there's nothing I can do

[Prosper]

Sometimes guys do that, is because they find that you are not the suitable one for them, so they leave.

 

Sometimes they do that, is because they are busy with something, probably work or changed their target on another woman.

 

All these are possible.

 

I would suggest you to get busy with your life, he will come back and look for you, if he is still interested in you.

 

Anyway, there is no point putting more effort to reap more hurt.

[Tulula]

Sometimes guys do that, is because they find that you are not the suitable one for them, so they leave.

 

Doubt he'd have stopped contacting me for this reason. We had a long relationship a few years back, the guy knows me and knows me well. I could understand this happening in a situation where boy 'first meets' girl and he starts to realise she may not be suitable for him.

 

Sometimes they do that, is because they are busy with something, probably work or changed their target on another woman.

 

Could be a possibility. He is a busy man, however being busy didn't stop him from emailing me before. As for another woman, could be. But as far as I know he is not with anybody else. I have contacts where he lives.

 

 

.........he will come back and look for you, if he is still interested in you.

 

 

But he's only just turned up after years of us being apart.....lol. Maybe he'll show up in another few years time

 

Seriously, I know what you are saying and yeah you are right. If he's that interested, he'll be back. Just a big mystery that's all. If we'd had bad words, I would've understood him disappearing, but things were going great, he was moving closer, wanting to meet........then he's gone!

[annie24]

Hmmm..... I still say, one last call for closure. This time, call him - leave a message. You may want to mention that you are sorry that you two weren't able to catch up when he was in your town, but that you do want him back in your life....

 

Then, if he still doesn't respond to this, he is an immature crybaby, and it simply wasn't meant to be.

[DN]

I think you are right that he must think that if you were interested you would have arranged time off work, and that because you did not you did not think it important enough. and, let's face it, the last part is true - it was not important enough to you because you didn't.

 

There may be another reason why he has not answered the e-mail - perhaps he did not receive it, or overlooked it. E-mails are not 100 per cent reliable. Try re-sending it.

 

If you know that he has no girlfriends, then there must be someway you can get a message to hm.

[Tulula]

I think you are right that he must think that if you were interested you would have arranged time off work, and that because you did not you did not think it important enough. and, let's face it, the last part is true - it was not important enough to you because you didn't.

 

I just started this job though, it would've looked bad on me if I was asking for time off so early in my new employment. I'd have loved to have seen him again, still would. This guy and I were 'first loves', he was the 'love of my life' and he knows he was. Thing is and when he showed up again after all of this time, I played it 'cool' with him........maybe too cool. He'd hurt me in the past, I didn't want it happening again. However, I still think he must have been recieving the 'right' signals from me, because he wouldn't have began starting to 'let down his guard' with me, ie: calling me 'darling', 'babe', etc, etc, saying he missed me. He'd have played it 'cool' too, had he been unsure of my feelings for him.

 

There may be another reason why he has not answered the e-mail - perhaps he did not receive it, or overlooked it. E-mails are not 100 per cent reliable. Try re-sending it.

 

He received it because my email programme allows me to see when mails have been read/whether they remain unread. At the moment it's showing 'unread', so he definitely got it, just hasn't bothered to even log in and read it. I have IM switched on constantly, it shows him as being always 'offline'.

 

Friends I have in the area are not friends of his, so they don't speak to him, so I can't convey messages that way. Besides, I think it would be best if I communicated myself, in person. I might just jump in the car one of these days and go and hunt him down if he doesn't make contact.....long journey but it would put my mind at rest at least.

[Scout]

I second Annie & DN's feedback. You keep saying "you didn't show up" to see him, even though he gave you several places/times to choose from. I'm sure he's feeling rejected. I would definitely call the guy one more time, if you care. There's got to be a way to get in touch with him.

[CarterJonas]

I agree with scout. Send him another email.