Can't forgive my mother?

[December123]

I have memories dating back to as young as 7 of my mum bullying me for being slightly overweight, she would call me fat, say I ate too much and say I was just about to eat a cake she would say I was too fat too eat it but then later wonder why I wasn't eating snacks, she would make my father and sister get involved too. She would always point out that my sister was skinnier than me and I was "chubby" in comparison and that I should I eat differently to her, my sister would be encouraged to eat unk food because she "need to put on weight" but I obviously didn't in her eyes. Even when I pointed out that it's a disgusting thing to do to make a young person, female OR male feel terrible about their weight since most people, young people especially do feel bad enough about their weight and don't need a reminder, a lot of people my age have issues like anorexia and bulimia she still continued and she even laughed when I said that as if it would be absolutely hilarious if I started starving myself or throwing up because I hated myself. I'll be perfectly honest right now, I'm not a shining example of physical fitness or diets but all my life I've only ever been slightly overweight, I knew that I would always point that out to her , my mother on the other hand IS severely overweight, she weighs at least double what I weight yet she constantly puts me down about my weight? It makes absolutely no sense, I've told her that and I know she's just trying to feel better about herself but I don't care, if you feel insecure about yourself don't you dare try to drag me down with you, it's not my problem.

I kept telling her how vile and disgusting it is to make your own child feel worthless and like a peice of s**** just for a little confidence boost, is a confidence boost really worth your child's life? If you have children and they have weight issues, if they are only about 7-13 (I'm 17 now, I TAKE RESPONSIBLITY FOR AGES AFTER THAT but obviously a little kid shouldn't be blamed for their weight)it's blatantly obvious that it's your own fault, you're the one that stuffs their face with junk food! You're the one that's meant to teach them about healthy eating! You're the one that's meant to make sure they partake in regular exercise! Not them, not a ing child. I remember when I was a little kid, I spent a lot of time watching tv and such, I said I wanted to go to sports clubs but they said we couldn't afford it.

I even told them about how my best friend started self harming and being suicidal over being bullied for her weight. I said how her parents did the same to her and now it's their fault their daughter nearly died one night and they still didn't care.

I remember even at like 13ish I would check online to see if I was a healthy weight for my age and height, I don't think any child should have to do that, at that kind of age you should only concern yourself with having fun rather than caring about this.

It's actually been at least a few months since she's done it, I had an argument with a friend about fat shaming, they seemed to think it was a good thing so I told them all about this, I thought I was over it but it actually made me really upset telling them about it and since then I keep going over it in my mind.

I feel like I'll always resent my mother and sister for what they have done, I don't think I'll ever have a close relationship with the woman that tried to make me feel like s**** even as a little child, if you're a middle aged woman you shouldn't get a kick out of making an 8 year old feel worthless. I will never forgive her. I just want to stop thinking about it I guess

(Sorry it's a long question just kind of venting)

[1a1a]

You aren't obliged to. You have this internet stranger's permission to dial back your level of engagement with your mum to whatever you are comfortable with. I for one agree with you, hassling your kid about their weight is a great way to give them a complex/not great parenting. (No where near as intense but around the age of 10, 11, I remember my dad started mentioning my fat belly and how teenage 1a1a was going to be disappointed I ate so much. Sure enough, teenage 1a1a thought she was fat).

[Wiseman2]

Sorry that happened but realize it's due to their own neurosis/issues. Soon you can go away to college or move out.

my mum bullying me for being slightly overweight, she would call me fat, say I ate too much

[Heidi8484]

I can sympathize with the way u feel I was 17 when my dad died of cancer before that he was a violent drunk both my parents addicts I myself am an addict. My mother went nuts after his death with every tom n harry. But the things that are unforgiveable hand feeding me drugs of all kinds to keep me sick. Sleeping with my kids father, then last week I get a letter from a collection agency in my name for $2300 my mother sells on eBay n took out an extra account in my name n never paid her sellers fees my credits screwed I'm a single mom I've spent last 6 years trying to better my credit I finally cut ties this week I'm pressing identity theft charges

[Heidi8484]

To lose weight my mom gives me meth lol what a joke

[Heidi8484]

Just know this losing weight won't bring happiness I lost 32lbs since January n it took me finally seeking counseling n some Zoloft to start feeling better

[Heidi8484]

You sound really bright with a beautiful heart I bet your outside is just as pretty. Sounds to me your mom may be a bit jealous

[melancholy123]

My mother was a lot like the OPs mother. I was a chubby kid and she never let me forget it. She was tall and slim, could eat whatever she wanted. I was like my dad's side of the family who were all chubby to downright heavy. She called me fatty and tubby etc and never missed an opportunity to belittle me about my size. So I grew up with quite the inferiority complex and hated her as a result of how she treated me.

 

I've battled my weight all my life, and at one point was quite large but now I would call myself slightly overweight and I am ok with it. Mother never did stop harassing me about my weight. I've made it a habit to never ever comment on anyone's size as I know how much it hurts.

 

You have my permission too to take yourself out of the drama your mother creates and to find your own path. I hope you are able to tune her out while you still live at home and then when you can leave that you do so. It takes a lifetime to develop that thick skin you need to deal with someone like our mothers.

[Matt3939]

Can't pick your family. It's not right I dealt with bullies in school ect. It won't be forever. Everyone can put somone down for something no matter who yoy are. It's there insecurities not yours. Who cares what weight you are as long as you are happy and your health is fine.

[Heidi8484]

Well said, just because they are family doesn't give them the right to on anyone else especially their daughters I'm taking a stand lol time to take a on them haha lol nah but really if they aren't helping mold you into a better person or not even a semi-good person someone maybe you can look up too, none of them?? Why allow someone like that in your life, they feed off the energy you put out when they get the reaction they want. It sucks but cut them out I am. No looking back doing what's best for me and my kids. Keeping people like "our"others around is harmful they are toxic to us and will only hold you back. Good luck!