My boyfriend doesn't call me everyday.

[Confused95]

I have a question for the OP, why don't YOU just call or text him? I mean if it bothers you that he doesn't call, why not call him? I don't mean bombard him with texts and phone calls, but call or text him like you want him to do it to you? You can't control what he does, you could only control yourself.

 

I do contact him. I don't believe the guy should be the one to contact the girl every time, but sometimes I feel like I put in more effort. However, I also know his schedule is crazy and he doesn't have exact hours he'll be at work, so more often than not I don't want to bother him if he's still at the office.

 

I did get a call tonight from him which was nice. He's going out with the guys and it was nice that he let me know, even though I wish I could have seen him tonight. We have weekend plans so I'll just have to wait.

[jujusamples]

I do contact him. I don't believe the guy should be the one to contact the girl every time, but sometimes I feel like I put in more effort. However, I also know his schedule is crazy and he doesn't have exact hours he'll be at work, so more often than not I don't want to bother him if he's still at the office.

 

I did get a call tonight from him which was nice. He's going out with the guys and it was nice that he let me know, even though I wish I could have seen him tonight. We have weekend plans so I'll just have to wait.

 

Do you think this relationship is giving you what you want and need? I'm trying to be unbiased and I feel that you and your boyfriend are at different levels in the relationships. I mean in the long run, one of you is going to be unhappy and I'm sorry to be honest but I think it will be you. You are not getting your needs met, and it's not about right or wrong, mature or not mature. It's about what you really want. If you don't think this is going to make you happy in the long run, I would suggest you talk to him about it and see if you could come up with a compromise. If not, than I don't see this working out too long. If it does, you will turn out to be very unhappy in the end.

[Hermes]

Confused:

 

You remark:

 

"and am letting comments from friends get to me!"

 

What business is it of theirs? I ask.

 

The relationship is between you and this man. And no, I don't think it is a huge age difference.

[Confused95]

Do you think this relationship is giving you what you want and need? I'm trying to be unbiased and I feel that you and your boyfriend are at different levels in the relationships. I mean in the long run, one of you is going to be unhappy and I'm sorry to be honest but I think it will be you. You are not getting your needs met, and it's not about right or wrong, mature or not mature. It's about what you really want. If you don't think this is going to make you happy in the long run, I would suggest you talk to him about it and see if you could come up with a compromise. If not, than I don't see this working out too long. If it does, you will turn out to be very unhappy in the end.

How do you mean we're at different levels in the relationship? Like I've said, there isn't anything else wrong in our relationship besides this lack of contact when he's really busy. I'm hoping it's going to bounce back once work slows down (very very soon). If that is the case, I can deal with the communication lacking during the times he's extremely busy. I'm more wondering if men his age are similar in their communication styles.

[Ms Darcy]

How do you mean we're at different levels in the relationship? Like I've said, there isn't anything else wrong in our relationship besides this lack of contact when he's really busy. I'm hoping it's going to bounce back once work slows down (very very soon). If that is the case, I can deal with the communication lacking during the times he's extremely busy. I'm more wondering if men his age are similar in their communication styles.

 

I think most men his age are similar and don't want to be tethered to their phones for frequent communication with the girlfriend.

 

I would encourage you to get out of the mindset that communication is lacking when he's busy. It seems fine to me.

[ParisPaulette]

As someone who once worked a crazy job with crazy hours and bad coworkers, being on call etc. I totally get why your boyfriend doesn't call every day. And he warned you about that in the beginning, which is him telling you "This is my life, like it or walk away."

 

This will not change for him. If he's focused on work he's focused on work, he will not call in daily. Period. Likely ever.

 

And I say that because I am just like him. Texting? I'd ban the practice altogether if I were King, I hate it beyond texts from clients giving me instructions, asking if I'm available for work, or that the check is ready and I can come get it. For personal use? Nope, not unless someone needs a ride.

 

This is how he is, he has been honest with you from the outset. You need to handle either being cool with it or you find someone else who's attachment style and communication style are more like your own. He will not change, not at 35. Nor should he have to.

 

Accept this or move on. And this is not just a job that's busy, it's his personality in general. You need to stop and ask yourself if you're willing to sacrifice the need for daily communication, because that's all that's going to happen here. He may promise periodically to reach out more, he'll do that in the moment and when things are slow, but when things get busy he'll disappear into his work and that'll be that.

 

You delight in the fact that you can get your own work done, you don't have someone needing you to be in constant contact with you for yes even days if it comes to that, or you take another look at just why you think this will work for you.

 

Neither of you is wrong in your communication styles, but you are incompatible.

[jujusamples]

How do you mean we're at different levels in the relationship? Like I've said, there isn't anything else wrong in our relationship besides this lack of contact when he's really busy. I'm hoping it's going to bounce back once work slows down (very very soon). If that is the case, I can deal with the communication lacking during the times he's extremely busy. I'm more wondering if men his age are similar in their communication styles.

 

I think you are at different levels exactly because of what you just mentioned. He's a buys guy and he likes his independence. You could hope and yes, you will get those few months that he will call you everyday, but it will soon be back to him being busy. Then are you going to be unhappy? There doesn't HAVE to be something wrong with the relationship for two people to be at different levels. I've dated men whom are great and the relationship itself is good and etc... but it didn't work out because we weren't on the same page. It does have a lot to do with maturity. It's all about what your wants and needs are, right now, it's not being met. You are giving yourself false hope for hoping it will go back to communicating everyday, I could reassure you, it probably will go back to him be busy. (if it was me, I would have been fine with it) It truly DOES not bother me to not be in content communications. To make a long story short, be true to yourself and put yourself first. Good luck!

 

What parispaulette just said is a better explanation of being on different levels!