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Why do I attract the wrong people?


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Ok so I need some help with this. A few months back I fell for a coworker I thought was into me. He pursued me first, asked me out, flirted everywhere including work. Then out of nowhere he had a baby with his ex and all of a sudden had no idea that he was leading me on or that I would ever like him. So he moved on as did I, but it took a while for me. A lot of sleepless nights, crying, and not taking care of myself until I finally let it all go one day. I made it clear that I'd never trust him again and kept my distance. Everything is good.


Now I feel as if I'm falling into the same thing again. Another male friend of mine was texting me back and forth. He didnt explicitly state that he had feelings for me, but basically asked if I'd be with someone without feelings. We went back and forth and he stated that it'd be better to try something with someone without feelings becuase they'd have something to lose. I stated the way I felt, which was basically a no and he agreed. Then he asked what if the person was already in a relationship? I stated my opinion again, as did he. He never mentioned me and him in that situation, but I basically told him No. I would not never get with someone or do anything with someone who was already in a relationship. He pretty much agreed, but the conversation changed. It went from talking to about work, to flirting, to boring awkward conversation. Then that was it. He never asked me out, never said he had feelings for me, but was flirting the whole time. After he threw out those scenarios he kind of just shut out. It hurts that he would even think that I'd be ok with something like that. You think you know people? Guess not.


I'm not going to to be back to work for a while, but is this something I need to worry about?. I considered this person a friend. Unfortunately, because I'm extremely nice and caring for everyone I kind of fell for him a little bit. But this conversation hurt. I'm not sure if I can even face this guy now. I'm too embarrassed and sad. If he was hinting at me and him hooking up while he's in a relationship (something I never asked him before, only knew he had a child) then that angers me and makes me feel really bad and sad at the same time.


Is that's all I'm good for? My feelings are hurt again. I don't understand. Why do I keep attracting people like this? They all say the same thing. They think I'm smart, and attractive, and a really nice woman. But they only see me as someone to have on the side. No one that can be committed to. It's painful. Makes me not like myself at all. What is going to make me be like everyone else? Is there anything that I need to do to change? This has happened more than once. It hurts more and more everytime. What do I do?

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Sounds to me like you do get hit on so you are attracting men just the wrong ones. If you want to be in a relationship. You have to go after single men. There not going to come to you. I'd go online or to singles events or ask your friends if they know single men. Its not a problem with you just two duds. Good luck

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Simple, when you engage a man in conversation or vice versa you find out if they have a partner. If they do then you do not engage in phone/texts etc.

YOU like the attention they give you (we all do)... and you turn a blind eye to the fact that they may have a girlfriend.

If you like someone its imperative that you find out straight away if there is a girlfriend on the scene.

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I'm not going to to be back to work for a while, but is this something I need to worry about?. I considered this person a friend. Unfortunately, because I'm extremely nice and caring for everyone I kind of fell for him a little bit.


Is that's all I'm good for?


I feel for you, and no that is not all you are good for. That question is defeated talk.


1) As for your situation: this "male friend" does not sound like he wants to be friends honestly. And you did admit you fell for him at least some, so undoubtedly there was some vibes put off by you he caught. Don't make yourself appear available to taken guys. I don't mean around single guys.. I mean around taken guys. You know what it takes to get a guys attention. Maybe you are attracted to taken guys? I don't know. But they are catching some sort of vibe to even have the guts to ask for an emotionless fling. You said it bothers you to know he was asking for a thing with you while in a relationship. If it bothers you, then don't allow yourself to develop feelings for guys who are taken. That will solve a lot of problems right there.


As for what happened with him on the phone, Ill bet it was awkward. He was hoping you were some kind of emotional wreck and he could secretly seduce and set a hook up with you over a flirty phone call. You recognized what he was up to and didn't allow it to happen. So good for you!


2) As for the first guy you mentioned dating you met at work. He is an example of the guys you attract, and maybe he is not the first. I would like to hear others input on why you might be attracting these types.

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Quit being so "nice" and encouraging attention and interaction from men who are not available. It's that simple. Start being selective on who you give the time of day to and if he is not a decent single guy, then you don't entertain his attentions of any kind.


Ill second that. Good point made here. There is being kind and considerate.. and there is being "overly nice" and you know what that means cause you see the effects.

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