Friends with Married Man, am I in the wrong?

[lookingforclosure5]

I have been friends with this man for two years. We dated briefly but have been platonic most of the time we have known each other. He was married to another woman about a year into our friendship. We have kept in touch throughout it all. We talk at least once a week and are very good friends to each other. Just recently he has stopped discussing his wife with me, only calls me when she isn't around... and says things married men shouldn't say to women that aren't their wives. I'm not really sure where all of this is coming from.... we have always been really great friends but now I'm not sure this is going in the right direction. What should I do? Terminate the friendship? Thank you in advance.

[boredguy]

... and says things married men shouldn't say to women that aren't their wives.

what exactly do you mean by this?

[lookingforclosure5]

That isn't really something i feel comfortable discussing, personal things, inside jokes between the two of us. Underlying flirtation.

[boredguy]

Alright, purely understandable. Lets take the flirting then. If a man flirts with a woman, it usually means one thing. attraction. if he indeed is attracted to u in that way, then that puts you in a tight spot. but we have to remember that here we are just speculating, we dont know what is in his head.

the best advice I believe would be to bring it up with him. bmake it clear that you are uncomfortable with being anything but platonic, and that u want to know where this is going and what he really wants from your relationship.

agree/disagree?

[MyNinja]

just be open about the situation as you don't want broken friendships in the future because of this, obivously your conscience is telling you something is wrong about it as you came here to get feedback, it's very good that you're taking this into consideration instead of just dismissing it as some paranoid thought,...if you feel that this married man is saying things to you that are inappropriate for a married man to be saying then speak up about it,. and stop the behavior while the going is good...you'll be much happier if you did....

[tanned_production]

I dont think you should terminate the friendship. . . but when he says those things that he shouldnt be saying, let him know about it!! maybe hes unaware ... but im just speculating. have a talk with him.

 

good luck! =)

[Day_Walker]

Just because you feel that that relationship was completely platonic doesnt mean thats what his intentions were. If you feel that his comments arent appropriate enough to say, then you obviously know what you should do about this situation.

[Mike_Wazowski]

From my own experience, i can say that a friendship between a married man and a married woman is not a good idea.....

[annie03]

I'm sure I'm quite biased in my view of this situation as my husband has been carrying on a secret supposedly" phone relationship "with his ex-girlfriend. The fact that he keeps this relationship going with you tells me he thinks he can have you when he wants to. If it's just a friendship why hasn't he included his wife in on this great friendship? A married man has zero business staying in touch with an ex on this type of a regular basis. Why are you keeping so close to a man who vowed to forsake all others and stick to his wife? Would you want your future husband to do this to you? He's wanting to pursue an affair and you are a safe bet in his mind. You need to break this off because ultimately it will only lead to alot of heartache for all involved...including his innocent wife.

[lookingforclosure5]

Thanks guys, I confronted him. We have taken our friendship back a level, back to the level I feel comfortable with.

[just jeff]

Good for you...kicking it down a notch shouldn't hurt your friendship; in fact it might strengthen it. If at some future date his marriage ends and he and you start dating again...neither of you will have that guilty feeling...

 

And he cannot place blame on you for "breaking up" his marriage at a later date if your friendship dissolves. Stay safe in your journey….keep looking up and forward…

 

Jeff

[nikki19]

This is an easy one. Include the wife in the friendship. If it is indeed just a friendship, then what's the problem? the more the merrier. Of course if you two are flirting and do have something to hide from the wife, then it needs to stop.

When I got a job after college, I got to be great friends with an "older" man at work. We just clicked, we talked about everything. Very innocent, but it caused a bit of stress for his wife and for my bf (husband now). So we started getting together for supper and socializing all 4 of us, and to this day we are all the best of friends. As a matter of fact, they just came and spent a week of vacation with us.