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lookingforclosure5

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  1. lookingforclosure5
    Hi all, A good friend of mine let me post this on her name. I'm new here but she said you all gave really good advice... so i'm counting on you! Here it goes... I have recently (about two and 1/2 months ago) have started a relationship with a man that is sort of a friends with benefits/booty call kind of thing. He is a really nice guy, I just was under the presumption that neither of us were ready for a relationship right now. Well recently he has been coming over and staying longer, just talking and sharing about ourselves and our families. Then he always asks to spend the night, and while we are sleeping we cuddle and talk like a couple would. Do you think he is starting to develop feelings for me? Do I ask him or wait to seeif he says something first? I might be able to fall for him, but i haven't been letting myself feel that way yet... advice please!
  2. lookingforclosure5
    Lucy, I know it will hurt. But the best thing you can do is be the bigger person. Be happy for him if he is truly happy now. And be happy for yourself that you are no longer with a man that is hung up on another woman. I have been in your exact situation before. There are a thousand things you probably want to do right now, but none of them will get you anywhere. Be the better person, treat him and her with a little respect, karma works both ways.
  3. lookingforclosure5
    I realize things will never be perfect. i was just looking for a catchy headline... what have we done for ourselves? well the most important thing is he has become clean he is no longer using and hasn't been for over a year now. We have both done a lot of soul searching as well. when he left he left saying he would never be back. of course i hoped and i prayed, but i never thought it would happen. i dated other men briefly but never found anyone that was ver compatible with my personality. he has become closer to his family while being away, and came to the conclusion that he needed me back in his life. we have been talking again for the past few months and decided that it was right for him to come home. he moved back here a month ago and moved into my home with me. it feels right, i just wish the spark was there.
  4. lookingforclosure5
    He had a bit of a drug problem that I couldn't handle. He moved away to be with a friend of his that was also a doctor. We broke up then, he has been clean for over a year and has finally decided to return. Do you think it was the drugs that made him love me?
  5. lookingforclosure5
    Well he did it. He came home, he finally came back to me. I have been praying for this to happen for a year and a half now. I stayed awake every night planning for his return to me. I love him so much it almost hurts... but now there is something missing. I love him, I can just feel it pouring out of me when i look at him or think of him. But the intimacy is gone. we used to be so close, so so close, and now there is a distance. He hasn't been back for that long... a month give or take a couple days. The first week he was home it was absolutely amazing, just being able to see him and touch him and know he was here in real life was more than I can even explain. But now, we are in a rut. ALREADY in a rut... it feels like we are old friends, or family. There is love and trust but no passion. We used to have SO MUCH passion. Where did it go?? What do i do from here. I can't imagine leaving him or him leaving me again. I finally got him back! What can I do to get the passion back?
  6. lookingforclosure5
    Well, I have always thought that the funeral was a place for love and support of the family and friends of the one that has passed. The fact that you were not close with the man really has no significance here, you would have attended the funeral in support and comfort of your daughter who was mourning the loss of her grandfather. Perhaps you can find the strength in you to attend merely for the sake of your daughter and her beloved grandfather?
  7. lookingforclosure5
    I don't agree. I think the fact that he is being open with you about the girls that he finds attractive is actually a sign of a pretty healthy relationship. I am an open person as was my ex. We both could appreciate beautiful people, both men and women. It was actually strangely a bonding experience for the two of us. I remember once being at a concert with my boyfriend, i found the performer extreemely attractive, and when I mentioned something to my ex about it, he said, I KNOW I have been checking him out this whole time.... It just turned into a fun little joke between the two of us. Having "the same taste in men." If you are truly offended, he should repect you enough to cool it. But if not, have fun with it!
  8. lookingforclosure5
    MissDez... I have been in a couple relationships with someone several years my senior.... the one problem i have found is that the older man starts to think about what might be "good for you" ie- she will eventually want a younger man.... i should just let her... if i leave her now, it will help her in the long run. it is a phase some older men go through... it will take a lot of confidence boosting on your part to get him to feel secure.
  9. lookingforclosure5
    For the past week or so everytime I fall asleep I seem to have a dream about my ex boyfriend. This wouldn't be strange to me if it was about my most recent ex... he is still on my mind a lot, and I cared more deeply for him than anyone in my life. But the dreams aren't about him. They are about an ex from about 5 years ago. He was my first "adult relationship" if you can even call it that... we were pretty serious and I thought i was in love... but later realized i was not in love just "in infatuation." These dreams though are varied.... one night he will show up and sweep me off my feet, using lines like "i always knew it would all come back to you." etc. And sometimes he has grown into a monster, someone I don't even want to be around. I have not seen him in about 3 years, and honestly haven't really thought about him in a long while. But here he is, in my dreams, not just once but every night. Now I can't get him off my mind. what is he doing? is he with someone? is he happy? does he ever think of me? What do you think these dreams mean for me?
  10. lookingforclosure5
    Don't do it. Go for a drive, take a bath, do 100 jumping jacks... it won't make you feel better... it is very likely make you feel worse. Put the phone away. Sometimes if I don't want to make the call I will put my phone in a drawer or hide it in my laundry bin... just somewhere where it isn't sitting right there next to me. Stay strong... you can do it!
  11. lookingforclosure5
    The question here shouldn't be "why didn't I leave him yesterday when this happened" it should be, "why am I not leaving him right now at this very moment?" Get out... this will not be the last time this happens...
  12. lookingforclosure5
    I agree with the rest. But I also know that you will do what you want, regardless of what people here tell you to do, regardless of the fact that you know it isn't a good idea. Just know that you will be prolonging the healing. It will hurt you... you think that it won't but it will. Everytime you leave her house, or she leaves yours after you have been intimate it will hurt. Be aware that these are the consequences you are facing. Be careful with your heart.
  13. lookingforclosure5
    Thank you! Good for you! I wouldn't classify my ex as a "dream stealer" but I must admit I am a little disappointed in myself lately. The spunk was gone from me. I'm feeling it come back... I missed that little devil on my shoulder. Good for you for finding yours tonight. Thanks for the post, it made me smile in the memory of who I once was and in anticipation of who I will be again.
  14. lookingforclosure5
    Be careful with this kind of guy. I speak only from my experiences. Too much too soon can lead to WAY too much all of the time. I'd say the sooner the better on telling him what you feel. Good luck. Stay firm and stick to your guns.
  15. lookingforclosure5
    Thanks guys, I confronted him. We have taken our friendship back a level, back to the level I feel comfortable with.
  16. lookingforclosure5
    Jeff, I have read several of your posts and they make me deeply sad. You just seem so sad when you write. It is apparent that you love her and you are just trying so hard to get this love back. She says her feelings are gone. Now whether or not they really are gone is a different situation. She has said they are gone... this mean she needs from you to accept this right now. She for some reason needs space from you, needs you to not pursue her any longer. If you do care about her, as it is very apparent that you do, you will grant her her wish. Honestly she probably has no idea what she is feeling/thinking right now. Maybe she just needs some time alone, completely alone, with no pressures from either side to figure out her true feelings. I have no doubts you will hear from this woman again... however it seems that contact will be on her terms and not yours. My advice is to put the pieces of your life back together and be thankful for the love that you once had, and the person you shared it with.
  17. lookingforclosure5
    I am trying to help. I think that people should deal with things in a healthy manner. It is concerning to hear someone say hurtful things toward another person. I just don't want other people getting the idea that this kind of behavior is acceptable and supported (which i have obviously been proven wrong... his behavior HAS been supported on this forum.) For this I apologize, perhaps I am frequenting the wrong forum...
  18. lookingforclosure5
    I'm sorry, you are right. Wishing she would fall down a tall flight of stairs IS a good way to deal with the heartache you have been put through.... what in the world was I thinking. I have been approaching my breakup the wrong way... WISH HARM on the other person... stupid me... stupid me.
  19. lookingforclosure5
    I feel bad for the girl. Sounds like you have treated her like she is sub human. No one deserves to be treated like that, i'm not sure "everything she has put you through" but unless it involves serious threats to your life, I am sure she didn't deserve to be treated like you have treated her. If this is the kind of person you are, she did the smart thing by breaking up with you, she got herself out of what seems to be a dangerous relationship. You should be ashamed of your actions, not pleased by them... posting them on a forum for everyone to see. I'm sure you planned on being praised for your "strength" or something of the sorts. Sorry buddy, you have no respect from me.
  20. lookingforclosure5
    Because if breakups were as easy as "they just don't like you anymore" life would be perfect. My ex and I are still in love with each other... however it just cannot be. How would that not be painful?
  21. lookingforclosure5
    That isn't really something i feel comfortable discussing, personal things, inside jokes between the two of us. Underlying flirtation.
  22. lookingforclosure5
    hm, my niece and i had a similar conversation yesterday interestingly enough..... she says a date. it is less "public" if that makes any sense.
  23. lookingforclosure5
    I have been friends with this man for two years. We dated briefly but have been platonic most of the time we have known each other. He was married to another woman about a year into our friendship. We have kept in touch throughout it all. We talk at least once a week and are very good friends to each other. Just recently he has stopped discussing his wife with me, only calls me when she isn't around... and says things married men shouldn't say to women that aren't their wives. I'm not really sure where all of this is coming from.... we have always been really great friends but now I'm not sure this is going in the right direction. What should I do? Terminate the friendship? Thank you in advance.
  24. lookingforclosure5
    well, I did just what you said. I was honest and straight forward. Thank you for the offer, but I don't think we are very compatible.... then the complete unexpected happened. I was completely berated over the phone.... he said awful things to me, we only went out twice... he yelled and said very mean things. It was completely horrible. What is wrong with people.... I am so upset by this.
  25. lookingforclosure5
    I have recently started dating after a pretty big break up. I have been out with a few guys and they just haven't been what I am looking for right now. However, I do have a question.... is a break-up really necessary after just one or two dates? I don't think it is, but is it mean to leave the guys to just take a hint. Obviously it would be easier to just not accept further dates and not return the phone calls, is this just the easy way out? In your opinion what is the best way to call it off after a date or two? Thanks for your help.
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