Annoying ex and his family = RANT

[boltnrun]

So I posted this under "friendship" because it kinda sorta has to do with friends...rant following, fair warning!

 

I am having a birthday party soon. I invited several of my girlfriends (it's to be an all-ladies affair). One of my friends is the sister of my ex from 7 years ago.

 

Some history...the sister and I were friends for several years before her brother and I dated. She is not someone who easily gets close to others, but we were both young mothers at the time so I think she felt we had that in common. Plus, I always spoke to her with respect and she seemed to appreciate that. She told her husband that I am one of the few people she really trusts. She also said that recently in front of a group of our friends. So, it's not like I just met her through my ex...she and I were close friends already.

 

My relationship with her brother was, in a word, bad. He lied, cheated, hid things from me. He uses drugs. He doesn't really have a job ("works" for his dad, he gets paid whether or not he actually shows up), so he couldn't understand why I "had" to go to work each weekday. He enjoyed hurting me (emotionally) and did things like try to get me to physically fight with the women he was cheating on me with so he could watch and congratulate himself on what an awesome stud he was. In short, the entire relationship was filled with stress and upset, sandwiched between times where he treated me with a great deal of love and care. He ended up dumping me via email for one of the women he was cheating on me with (a relative's fiancee, no less). I was pretty torn up over the breakup at first, until I realized I was pining over someone who just didn't care about me and who didn't deserve me caring about him. I know something had to have been wrong with me to put up with that treatment for 4 years (yes, 4 years...). So I've spent the time since then reflecting and making sure that I am strong enough to tell anyone who tries any of that with me to kick rocks. Which I am now.

 

So, to summarize, it's been years and I am completely indifferent to him.

 

Except for this one annoying thing he does...

 

I was in his area a few weeks ago (visiting family and friends in my home state), and I spent some time with his niece, with whom I'd become very close due to my friendship with his sister and my relationship with him. While she and I were spending time together one day he texted her asking her to have me call him. He then followed up that text with a passive-aggressive text that said "she probably don't want to talk to me anyway". See, he tends to contact all of his exes whenever he and his girlfriend (the one he dumped me for) get into yet another fight. I'm friends with a couple of his exes and we all laugh when we report that he once again tried to call each of us. We just say "oh, they're fighting again lol!". So I know they must have been fighting, and he was using the tactics he used to use on me when we were dating (guilt tripping and passive-aggressiveness). He can't seem to comprehend that those don't work on me anymore because I don't care about him. I never did respond to either of those texts, and I figured he must have understood that I didn't respond because he was right, I don't want to talk to him.

 

Anyway, the party: I invited both his sister and his niece. Apparently at a family gathering they were discussing my upcoming party (they will have to travel to come to it, so they were talking about logistics) and he was standing nearby. His sister told me today that he said he was going to come along too! Um, hello!!! It's girls-only, he's NOT invited and he most certainly would not be a welcome surprise guest! Plus, I will not allow him to stay with me so he'd have to find a hotel (not my problem except knowing him he expects me to let him sleep in my bed...). I just find it so annoying that even after I've ignored him, he still thinks I'd want him at my birthday party. The cluelessness and arrogance of him is just so unbelievable.

 

I know I could just stop being friends with his sister and niece and that should put an end to it. Except, there's been long periods of time where I was not in contact with either of them and he would still contact me if he and the girlfriend were fighting. I thought blocking him was not a necessity (because he can't hurt me), but apparently it's time to go ahead and block. Hopefully he will then get the message loud and clear.

 

I just hope he doesn't show up at the party. It's not in a private location and I don't own the city, anyone can come here so I can't stop him. But geez...I want to CELEBRATE my birthday, not spend it shooing an annoying ex away from me!

 

I let his sister know that I do NOT want him there and hopefully she will pass that info along to him.

 

I need a beer...

[Hollyj]

You tell them to tell him that it is girls only. Simple. He cannot come!

[boltnrun]

I did. And I hope he gets the message loud and clear. But it IS in a public place so if he wanted to be an annoying d-bag he could show up. Plus my friends are bringing their boyfriends BUT the guys are staying away from the party itself. They're smart enough to know that we want to have our night and they don't mind at all. They're going to find something else to do.

 

I won't let him ruin my party. If he's dumb enough to show up I'll let him know that it's a private party and he needs to go away.

[Hollyj]

Good for you! He sounds awful!

[Binoo]

I would have a discussion again with the sister and confirm whether or not she's let him know he's not welcome to the party.

I would definitely block this idiot as well just so you don't have to deal with the random stupid text messages.

He sounds like my ex. Completely clueless to the feelings of others. A total narcissist. I got an email from him just a couple weeks ago (we split a year ago) and I made it very clear that if he in any way contacted or came near me or my loved ones, I would be calling the police immediately. He was also abusive. I'm not sure if your ex was (aside from emotionally) but you have every right to be able to go out, be it a private or public place, and not have to worry about whether this dirt bag is going to come around and annoy you, stalk you, harrass you etc.

[boltnrun]

Fortunately he lives over 300 miles away. So he'd have to make a serious effort to stalk me and he's extremely lazy...hence, his reliance on exes whenever he and his girlfriend fight. Except none of us will give him the time of day, let alone comfort him when he and his girlfriend aren't getting along. And he's getting older and he's not so cute anymore, which is why he keeps trying to get with exes, some of them from 20 years ago!

 

His sister told me just she and her boyfriend will be coming...so my ex would have to drive himself and again, he's lazy. So not much chance of that happening. The only wild card is the niece, who tends to not only feel sorry for him but would like for he and I to get back together. Zero chance of that happening!!

[boltnrun]

So since I've been busy with party preparations and cleaning my home I didn't block him yet. Annndddd...I got a message from him today asking if the party is girls only.

 

I debated whether to just ignore him or send a short reply. I ended up writing "it's girls only". Short & to the point.

 

So, yeah, blocking time.