in love and confused

[dazed_and_confused]

Well, lets see here.... My situation is really weird.

I've been with this guy for 7months now, it was the best relationship ever. He treated me so well and he always did everything for me, up until a month ago. Everything seemed to go down hill. He started lying to me, pushing me away, spending time away from me, leaving me at his house while he went out, etc.

I confronted him and asked him what was going on with everything and why he was pushing me to the side! He said that he wasnt meaning to, and that I was everything that he ever wanted and that he was so happy with me. He said that he waited for a long time for someone like me to come along.

Then all of a sudden one weekend at the club(my boyfriend, well x now works there) and he was drinking. I didnt think anything of it. But there was this girl there that liked him, named kimmy. I didnt think anything of it and i just went about my business, trying to have a good time. Well then I got a phone call from a friend on my cell phone who was looking for him. So i went looking for him, and to my surprise, he was in the back room. Well, the girl that liked him was back there also, and I walked in and he was untieing her top. I got so pist and i walked out crying.

Well, i forgave him and he said he was just screwing around. I thought that it wasnt worth wasting all this time fighting over something that i would never know if he was messing around or not, so i just dropped it.

Well then sunday, the next day, i went to work. I got done at 6 and he picked me up. He told me he was goin to the bar with some friends and that he would be back in and hour or two. So i just went out to a friends and was sitting there, when i got a phone call and they told me that i should check up on my boyfriend because he was at the Kimmys house. Well, his friend derek is going out amanda, the girl that kimmy lives with. So i went over there, and i asked him what was going on and why he had to lie to me and tell me he was going to the barwith some friends and then ended up at her house. He swore up and down that nothing happened and that he didnt like her anymore than a friend.

But things just got worst. That night, he told me that he needed a break and that he was really stressed out. He is bipolar and has a severe case of depressiong. He said that he wanted to get some things straight in his life, but that we would remain together. He said that he just needed a few weeks to get on medication and go to counseloing so that he didnt end up hurting me because he "loves" me.

So I tried to understand where he was coming from and i tried to give him his space. Then tuesday came around and I found out that he had picked kimmy up from a friend of mines house and brought her home, and ended up watching a movie with her. He said that she fell asleep, but i will never know. She wont tell me anything!

Then thursday i stayed at his house and everything seemed to be getting better. He was actually making the initative to call me and ask me to do things with him.

But then saturday came and he had a Gig to go to. He called me and said that he promised that we would spend time together on sunday when he returned. So i left it at that, and i called him sunday evening on MY cell phone, and he never answered.

So i waited for him to call, but he never did. Well finally i got sick of sitting around so i went to the mall with a friend of mine.

Applebees is hooked onto are mall, and we went in and we were going to go to the body jewelry store, but it was closed.

Then we decided to go to Applebees to eat, and i had just went to walk in and my friend goes, "isnt that your boyfriend, hes with kimmy, eating dinner. Wasnt he supposed to call you when he got back."

So i got pist, and i waited for her to come outside. And i hit her, not once, about 15-20 times. I was so upset, i was shaking and everything. I warned her over and over again and she never listened to me.

Needless to say me and my boyfriend got into a big fight and he said that we werent working out and that he needed his space.

What can i do to get him back? please help me!

I love this guy to death and i dont want to lose him

[lady00]

Why do you want this guy back? He has been lying to you and cheating on you. People who are just having innocent fun with friends don't lie and hide it from their partners...just give yourself time and space away from this guy so that you can heal. He sounds like a total jerk.

[DN]

I agree with lady00 - also try to keep cool and don't hit her again - you could get in serious trouble.

[lillady898]

I definetly think you should drop this guy, especially before he hurts you again. It will be hard, but in the long run, think of how much better off you will be. You don't have to deal with all this that he is putting you through if you don't want to. Find someone who knows how to treat others right. And definetly, as upset as you are, do not hurt anyone physically. That will get some of your anger out during that moment, but later, it will only bring you more problems. And besides, he certainly doesn't seem like he's worth fighting over.

[dazed_and_confused]

thankyou for your reply!

Yeah, i thought he was cheating on me too!

I talked to the girl last night and i appoligized to her for everything that happened. She proceeded to tell me that she doesnt like him at all, and that shes still in love and waiting for her x to get back from the marines.

I really dont know what to do.

She read me a note that he wrote her and it said that he was really sorry that she got hurt and that he never meant for anything bad to happen to her and that it was all his fault. He said that he knew she wasnt going to believe him that we were done, but we were done for good this time.Then he said that he would give derek his number and then she could call him or stop over sometime.

 

But, hes been telling me that he just needs time, and that he wants to get back together! What shoould i do?

[DN]

He's a manipulative liar and a player. Dump him.

[dazed_and_confused]

yeah, its not that easy though!

Ive been with him for 7 months, and he telling me that he wants to get back together....

I still havent talked to him and its been 3 days now! havent talked to him, seen him or called him! Im trying the no contact thing.

The thing is, no one really likes him, hes not the greatest looking! Hes cute, but alot of people ask me why im with him becuz of his looks! But i look beyond that. he used to treat me so well. he did everything for me and he gave me the world, ne girl would love to have that!

But then like i said, it all went down hill the last month!

What do i do?

How can i tell him how i feel and that i want him back without sounding like a pitty case?

[dazed_and_confused]

just to update you all... umm... the guy that i was with for 7 months finally called me up last night and appoligized for everything...then he showed up at my friends house appoligizing and saying that a little bit of time apart made him realize what was lost... he said he misses me and everything else...

Well...i stayed at his house...but we honestly didnt do ne thing except kiss and talk... but we are trying to work out our problems...and im going to play hard to get...

i guess the ignoring him thing that everyone was telling me to do...and that i read about with other people actually worked! Hes the one who cam crawling back to me... and im SO HAPPY!!!

We arent back together officially but we are working on things that we need to get straight in our relationship thanks everyone for your advice...please keep me posted on stuff

thanks again!

[Dgirllamius]

Get rid of him. He is lying skum and doesn't deserve your trust.

 

I'd kick him to the kerb....he sounds like a right moron if you ask me

[Carthiana]

We can advise you as we see it best (objective as possible, even tho that is difficult as we can only hear it from one side), but it will be you that chooses in the end.

 

You may easily come back here, with similar issues or new ones. You may find the things you tried to bury are still very much a problem. We want to protect you and give you the chance to make the right choice w/o having to go through the wrong ones. But we can't do that for you, and sometimes we have to sit back and watch you go through the motions.

 

I'm not trying to say that everything you hear is going to be right, but please, do yourself a favor and WEIGHT the issues we enlighten you to. Be willing to see things from another view other than the one you may have been through all of this. If you don't, you may miss signs that you would normally have not seen. We use our past experiences to help guide you in trends, patterns we have learned to see ourselves.

 

In the end, you decide your steps. But please, love may blind, but use your peers as a way to test your motives, your decisions and make sure they are weighted in solid values and not temporary ones that may fall or fail.

[Bjourne]

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

[dazed_and_confused]

thank you all for your wonderfull advice! I Finally worked up enough courage to tell him that he needed to frow up and that when he could treat me right then i would talk to him. he told me that he started to develope feelings for that kimmy girl....a few days ago he said it all started...but whatever i dont even care ne more! Im giving up...if he really loves me like he says...he will come back to me!

He said that he still loves me and cares about me...but his depression is kicking in and its making his feelings go wacko...whatever!!!!

Im moving on now... if he loves me... itll work... if not... then oh well!

[ayhen16]

get rid of him girl!.... you know what, when a guy cheated on you once...he will always do the same again and again!!!

put in to your mind that you don't have to fight for a guy who is not willing to fight for you!!! ok..... that guy is a big idiot... he doesn't know that he's just starting to lose a girl who is so inlove with him...

 

he is losing a diamond because he was so busy collecting stones! right???

 

go girl... I know you can get over him soon!

[dazed_and_confused]

hey all...its been a while since ive wrote back...im really sorry...

 

Just thought id update you all and tell you that things are going much better for me now. I played the no contact thing for about 2 weeks and the whole thing of getting another boyfriend to make him jealouse, and he came crawlin back...appoligizing to me for everything that he put me through and sayin that he still loved me and it killed him to be away from me and see me happy with other guys...little does he know i wasnt happy with other guys at all...he was the only one that i wanted.

 

But anyways... everything worked out for the best and i found out that he raelly didnt cheat on me...it was just a thing to make me jealouse so i would go crawling back...but it didnt work...hes the one that came crawling...

 

Anyway.... everythings going great and we are the best that we have ever been... its going on 10 months...and we havent fought since we got back together...and everything is GREAT!!!! i love it!

 

thank you all for your wonderful advice...and i look forward to hearing from all of you... i wish you all luck for the best and i hope things work out for you all... as they did for me...

[Katie_xx]

id just like to say i know its hard to hear that the guy you love isnt worth trying for. but you have to understand that you are still young and nobody has the right to regain your trust if they were stupid enough to lose it in the first place! sorry to be harsh with you but you need to know that this guy isnt what you need, especially at such a young age! do you really think this is as good as relationships get?

[dazed_and_confused]

well, i dont know if this relationship is the best i can get...but i do know that he has made many changes to prove to me that he really does love me and want to be with me....

 

All i know is that if it works...then it works...if not...then oh well...hes at least making the effort to be a better person and treat me better and try to make up for his past mistakes...so im going to take advantage of it while i can.

 

Hes a really nice guy deep down...and he never really was mean or whatever to me till the whole incident of me telling him that if he didnt shape up that i was going to ship out...and i did...so then he was the one who needed to realize that he was in the wrong and be the one to make the mends...and he did...

 

As far as its going as of now...everythings going GREAT and hes been really good to me...we never really fight or ne thing...the only time we really ever fought was with the whole kimmy situation...but thats in the past now and everyone deserves second chances to prove to you that they can make things better then they were before...and as far as i can see... hes doing a hell of a good job...

 

I love this guy to death and hes the best thing that ever happened to me...i dont know if you have ever had anything like this happen to you...but really...hes a great guy... everythings working out GREAT right now...and we are on a level where we talk about things now instead of holding them in...that was one of the biggest problems in our relationship...so its all going good and i hope it continues to...i will keep you posted...thanks for your insight!

[lillady898]

I would really just like to add this for you:

 

 

I played the no contact thing for about 2 weeks and the whole thing of getting another boyfriend to make him jealouse, and he came crawlin back

 

Love isn't about playing games. These games only work temorarily. If this was REALLY love, you wouldn't have the need to play games. Besides, it's not what a healthy relationship is built on.

 

i guess the ignoring him thing that everyone was telling me to do...and that i read about with other people actually worked!

 

Those who are using no contact for the right reasons, are not using it as a game to get the person back. Again, many times that is only temporary. The person is only going back because they miss what they used to have... But what happens when they get you back and don't miss it anymore? No contact should be used to heal and move on. It should be used for yourself, not for your relationship.

 

I used to think the same thing about a guy. I loved him so much and in my crazy mind, I made up that he was so perfect and so amazing to me. Love really IS blind. Just realize that. I've been through that before. I know it sucks. And you shouldn't have to deal with the rollercoaster. Some relationships are not worth fighting for, no matter how much you believe it is at the time.

[dazed_and_confused]

yeah...well in your eyes that may be the case...but you know what...im my own person and everyones relationships are different!

 

He needed to see what he was doing to me was wrong...and he did...so until he proves me wrong...then i will move on....

 

But as of now...hes doing a hell of a job and things are GREAT! Its the best they have ever been... everyone deserves second chances!!!!!!!!!!

[lillady898]

I know all relationships are different, but one thing doesn't change. Games are not healthy in a relationship. I think that's something nearly everyone could agree on. Like I said before, love is blind.

[hurtAgain]

you said it...lillady898.

But, she's still young...I remember feeling the same way at that age.

I was cheated on, played mind games with, lied to...and so on. I still stayed...and this time I was 30!!!

No matter how much we tell her our experiances, until she gets burnt on her own, she won't understand...

 

We are not here to judge you, girl!!! People do deserve second chances...have you ever been given a second chance? Do you think you'll have a second chance at life? One more thing....The heart is the the hardest part of your body to heal... It was broken once!!!

 

Do keep us posted!!!!