Girlfriend's parents want break up after she got a blood clot

[heartbrokenjul]

My girlfriend of a year, whom of which is also my childhood friend, had a blood clot in her brain and was rushed to the ER for immediate surgery. (Do note we are in separate states as of right now..) Her mother called me the day after and told me she wants me to break up with her because the reason she had the blood clot was due to stress and not sleeping. I called her mother back and told her I won't do it because it's not the right thing to do (breaking up with her for something that isn't my fault? On top of that, breaking up with her would just make her depressed and not want to live). I also told her the reason shes stressed is because of college (Asian expectations also play a role, but I didn't dare say that) She doesn't sleep because she can't.. she constantly gets sleep paralysis and is too scared to sleep so I comfort her until she is able to. (her mom would come into her room and yell at her to stop talking on the phone and sleep) Her mother said no, "this is my child, I want her be better". When I tried to explain it to her, she hung up on me mid sentence.

 

What they don't realize is all they do is blame me for everything when nothing is my fault. Her stress comes from her family but they wont admit that its their fault to themselves. I believe her parents will do anything in their power to keep us out of contact. She tried contacting me while in the hospital at 4 am but her parents shut that down right away. I don't know what to do because if she wants to stay with me, her family will be torn apart but if she doesn't her and I will be torn apart. Especially in her current condition, if she stressed out and became depressed, hormones would release and she could have an extremely high chance of having another blood clot or stroke.

 

I just want to be with her, what if she's the one? If we're forced apart, then we will never know and live the rest of our lives in regret. I've been in tears for the past 5 days (happened 5 days ago)

[Gloworm]

What rude parents. Guess you will have to wait till she fully recovers to hear from her again. Her parents shouldnt be able to stop her from seeing you once she is on her own feet again. Have patience if you love her and want a future with her. Can you support her financially?.. maybe college is too much for her like you said.

[Wiseman2]

Her parents sound controlling, but I would back off until she fully recovers and can contact you on her own.

[heartbrokenjul]

Her parents sound controlling, but I would back off until she fully recovers and can contact you on her own.

 

Her sister told me that if her sister or her parents ever found out, they would make sure we are never in contact by taking her electronics away. Any advice? Thanks.

 

What rude parents. Guess you will have to wait till she fully recovers to hear from her again. Her parents shouldnt be able to stop her from seeing you once she is on her own feet again. Have patience if you love her and want a future with her. Can you support her financially?.. maybe college is too much for her like you said.

 

I mean to some degree I understand because a lot is going on.. But she wont be out of college for some time, especially since she will be taking a year off to recover, so it would be hard to stay in contact. (her college is close to home so her parents would visit her every day since her dad's work is 10 minutes from her dorm.

[Wiseman2]

Why do they hate you so much?

Her sister told me that if her sister or her parents ever found out, they would make sure we are never in contact by taking her electronics away

[Hermes]

Heartbroken:

 

Not looking so good anyhow.

 

"On top of that, breaking up with her would just make her depressed and not want to live). I also told her the reason shes stressed is because of college (Asian expectations also play a role, but I didn't dare say that)"

 

Aside from any physical issue she is enduring now, the fact that she would not want to live (!) if she broke up...no matter from who, does not sound like a healthy mindset.

 

Yes, I have heard about the "Tiger parents". IMO they are all quite crazy, but that's another topic. Meantime, I can only hope things improve for you.

[KFlint]

I am really sorry to read this. Her parents sound like hard work and controlling. As others have suggested, wait until she is fully recovered and talk to her and tell her to make a decision. The hardest thing is that it's never going to be easy to chose between your family and the one you love, but maybe she would be able to (when she is fully recovered) have a proper sit down and conversation with her parents about everything. It does seem like it is something she needs to do. Don't flood her, be there for her whenever she needs you and hopefully with time and less stress, things will begin to fix. The last thing you want is conflict with her family.

[heartbrokenjul]

Why do they hate you so much?

 

I visted her in april and after my all day flight (I took two planes [2500 miles] and my second plane was delayed) and when I got off the plane, I was in sweats ( put them on because it was cold and I caught a fever when I fell asleep in the airport) and my hair was messed up (comb over). She thought I looked like a bad person... Another thing she doesn't like how my family isnt close (siblings were born 1991,92,93 and i was born 97) I went to different schools as my siblings and grew up lonely as my first generation parents worked all day. Her family prides themselves on family time and she thinks im using her (my gf) to fill that void inside myself. The last thing she said was she didnt like how I dressed and my weight. I dress like most do in my state so I understand her state dresses differently. I, in my last two years of high school, only took ap classes so I was constantly studying or working (I pay for my own plane ticket to visit) and had no time to exercise (asian people eat a lot of rice which is bad for you).

 

After some time, I realized the other reason they dont like me is distance. So as of now she lives in another state and her parents dont like that.. Her sister told me distance never works (lol) but shes in a long distance as of right now.. (boy from another state) so I just dont see any getting through to them.

 

I promised to change my hair, weight and dressing but it doesnt seem like enough. 3 months ago (after i came home) I changed my eatting style and I cut my messy comb over with shaved sides. I also lost about 20 pounds and grew a little; im still going.

[Hermes]

Heh. HeartBroken. Rice is actually very good for you!!

 

Anyhow, it all sounds a little superficial (the family's reactions and so on), and hopefully with time matters will improve. The distance is indeed a hurdle. 2500 MILES!!!

[Wiseman2]

Just relax and you'll have to wait until you can communicate directly with her...not through the family. They may think this is a family situation and not for friends, etc.

[heartbrokenjul]

Just relax and you'll have to wait until you can communicate directly with her...not through the family. They may think this is a family situation and not for friends, etc.

 

They told me if I don't stop talking to her she will think too much and her mind will break.. So what should I do?

[Hermes]

What are they like, these people. Talk about high drama combined with galloping hysteria....

[Wiseman2]

As I mentioned in the last three posts. Stop contacting her before her family gets a restraining order against you.

They told me if I don't stop talking to her she will think too much and her mind will break.. So what should I do?

[heartbrokenjul]

What are they like, these people. Talk about high drama combined with galloping hysteria....

 

Her mother is nice, they took me in and paid for all of our things when I visited but is a little over protective; she didn't let us hug or kiss. I can understand she is sad and scared but I think she just has a misunderstanding about the whole situation. The doctor did tell her she was stressed and that is true as stress leads to an unregulated amount of hormones to release which can cause you to not be hungry and irregular heart beats (im a bio major); but she jumped to the conclusion that it was my fault because of her prejudice opinion of me. When I explained it to her, she said "no, you are not allowed to see my daughter any more" and hung up. Her parents are wonderful people, there is no doubting it but I just don't know how to reason when them.

[ThatwasThen]

The bottom line here is that she is in no position financially, emotionally or maturely to go against her parents wishes so if you love her, leave her alone and that will stop them from causing her more stress due to your involvement with her.

 

It's not easy to do but its what you must do. You are too far away to be of any comfort other then electronically which she is not allowed to be engaged on so just do your own healing and find someone who lives where you live to pursue.

 

Sounds cold and harsh I know but it's the truth of the matter and your only option until she's strong enough emotionally, financially and physically to go against her controlling parents wishes to be with you. I don't think that will ever happen though.

[Doc Blaze]

are you Asian?

[heartbrokenjul]

The bottom line here is that she is in no position financially, emotionally or maturely to go against her parents wishes so if you love her, leave her alone and that will stop them from causing her more stress due to your involvement with her.

 

It's not easy to do but its what you must do. You are too far away to be of any comfort other then electronically which she is not allowed to be engaged on so just do your own healing and find someone who lives where you live to pursue.

 

Sounds cold and harsh I know but it's the truth of the matter and your only option until she's strong enough emotionally, financially and physically to go against her controlling parents wishes to be with you. I don't think that will ever happen though.

 

I was thinking of dating her in secret until she finished. I am the type of guy who won't date someone unless i know theyre special and mean something to me; shes the same way. Ive dated girls who still live around me and yes I said "i love you" but only because I felt like I needed to rather opposed to me wanting to.. This girl, it came naturally and I would be crazy about her all the time; even to this day. We talk around four hours a day on the phone or skype and the rest of the other waking hours texting. I can't let her go..

 

are you Asian?

 

Yes, we are both asian.

[Hermes]

HeartB.

 

Now this IS dysfunctional.

 

"We talk around four hours a day on the phone or skype and the rest of the other waking hours texting. I can't let her go..

"

 

When on earth would she find time to even study with that going on, let alone do anything else, or follow her own pursuits. Four hours a day on Skype is NOT normal.....

[ThatwasThen]

I was thinking of dating her in secret until she finished. I am the type of guy who won't date someone unless i know theyre special and mean something to me; shes the same way. Ive dated girls who still live around me and yes I said "i love you" but only because I felt like I needed to rather opposed to me wanting to.. This girl, it came naturally and I would be crazy about her all the time; even to this day. We talk around four hours a day on the phone or skype and the rest of the other waking hours texting. I can't let her go..

You have no choice BUT to let her go. Do you honestly think "dating her in secret" won't be stressful to her? Please look at the big picture here and what is in HER best interests as well as your own for the long run.

 

What if he forms another blood clot. You will be blamed whether or not stress is the cause of this sort of thing.

[Wiseman2]

This is a feeling 6578705]I can't let her go.But this is a fact 6578705]"no, you are not allowed to see my daughter any more"

[heartbrokenjul]

This is a feeling this is a fact

 

My plan was to stay friends with her while "still dating" because we did talk about if something like this happened where if we were forced to break up we would stay friends but "date" at the same time and wait for each other until we finished school. So that's what I was thinking of doing

 

Also, when I said we talked for four hours, not all four hours were personal talk. I am took the same classes as her during our senior year, but my classes were AP (university level classes that are accelerated) so I would tutor her and help her study. But even so she enjoyed me tutoring her because we were spending time together.