esboogie143 Posted March 7, 2005 Share Posted March 7, 2005 Okay...well I know most of you already know the drama...and yes it continues...After the argument on saturday night with the ex..it had came to a point where we decided we couldnt talk to one another anymore (yeah right) ...though its been said over and over again it never goes that way...anyway he emails me today and says that he is willling to try but only if i prove that I have changed or will change...blah blah...of course i said to him that I will prove to him that I have/will change...as of today we once again are trying to take it slowwww and doing things his way...he doesnt want me to mention the relationship in regard to getting back together or anything of the sort...now my question is....I dont know what the hell to do...my friends are telling me that this is not good and i need to cut him loose...They say that he is playing the game again and its a roller coaster...(which they are right) BUT im stuck i dont know what to do...I love him! Please someone come to my rescue!!! Honetly ...I feel that I dont think he would want to settle down with me b/c of the age difference thats what everyonme is telling me...They said that i need to move on .....Please help Me!!! Link to comment
annie24 Posted March 7, 2005 Share Posted March 7, 2005 I've read your posts, and your quote at the bottom of the page. I don't quite understand why you're putting yourself through this. I mean, sometimes, it's just time to cut your losses and call it a day, you know. Do you enjoy this pain? Do you enjoy being with someone who warns you not to discuss the R word (relationship!) I mean, you're 29 - you're the one with the biological clock - you have a life you need to get on with, not dealing with this guy all the time. But, if you are addicted to drama and pain, by all means, stay with him - don't rock the boat! Link to comment
CarterJonas Posted March 7, 2005 Share Posted March 7, 2005 Hi esboogie143, One sentence stands out in your post; as of today we once again are trying to take it slowwww and doing things his way Relationships is about giving and taking on both sides. I hope everything works out ok for you, but remember there are other fish in the pond. Link to comment
djedix Posted March 7, 2005 Share Posted March 7, 2005 Why should you change for someone if who you are is who you want to be? Breaking up with someone sucks, but you will grow and learn from it. I know you love him. I know it hurts. You try to stay friends because you care about him and you hope he's ok. you also hope one day he just goes back to being that person you first met. The reality is of it very few do that. People grow and change. people's attention spans are what like 10 mins these days? It's sad what we're coming to, and no one is trying to stop it. I wish i could post up saying keep on trying! you'll get him back. But the reality of it, which if you want to hear or not, is that he probally won't be coming back. No one can read another person's mind, or understand what they feel, think, or why they do things. If you could you'd be rich, lol. My advice, is find yourself again, be yourself again. You'll always have a place in your heart for this person. You have to let them go, and if it's ment to be, and he comes back, it will happen in time. Time is the only thing that can heal stuff. Just don't ram it down his throat every day with texts, phone calls, and emails. Just let go, and don't think about it (as hard as it is). I know it's hard but you gotta get on with life and being You. Worry about you, and nobody else. In time your heart will heal, and you'll be a better person, i promise Link to comment
Strandysmommy Posted March 7, 2005 Share Posted March 7, 2005 Haven't really caught what's going on with you and your guy but a couple of alarm bells rang. He wants you to prove you can change and all that huh? Well change in regard to what, may I ask? Does he want you to be more like him, or more like how he wants you to be? Do you like who you are, but he dosen't? I would say this in regards to that...(eh) don't try and make yourself a square peg when you're a circle peg. It hurts to try and change your make up. I have been there: trying to be into what my ex was into, because he said I was childish and the stuff I liked was stupid. (A real piece of work he was). I was sooooo bored by it all. Seriously. But anyway. Also, doing things HIS way...that's another thing, I guess I'd need to know the deal previous to this post. But if he's the one calling all the shots, you're going to be very hurt. I was dating a dude, he didn't want to label me his girlfriend, nor did he want to be known as my boyfriend, because "it puts so many expectations and restraints on us". I thought at first "oh wow, that's really poetic and artistic." NO what it really meant is that if some little chicky came along that he liked, he wanted to be able to flirt with her and get her number and go out without someone saying "but aren't you so and so's boyfriend?" Yea, be real careful about those ones. Link to comment
tanned_production Posted March 7, 2005 Share Posted March 7, 2005 I dont want to jump to any conclusions.. or say something that may be out of line, but it sounds like hes more concerned about his end of the relationship. As a previous poster has mentioned, a relationship is about both people, not just him, and not just you. Other than that... follow your heart. Consider what YOU want... and what would make you happy. Do you think this guy wont settle down with you because of the age difference? Your friends arent in the relationship... they're just speculating (as are we on this site)... listen to peoples advice, but ultimately its up to you. best of luck with everything. Link to comment
annie24 Posted March 7, 2005 Share Posted March 7, 2005 anyway he emails me today and says that he is willling to try but only if i prove that I have changed or will change...blah blah...of course i said to him that I will prove to him that I have/will change...as of today we once again are trying to take it slowwww and doing things his way Honey - this guy is playing with your head so bad it's not even funny. As all the others said, a relationship is a two-way street. Why oh why oh why do you put up with this? Why do you have to change? Why is all about him? He is having so much fun pulling your strings, and you keep going back for more! Go read the book, "He's just not that into you." It will clear up everything! Link to comment
esboogie143 Posted March 8, 2005 Author Share Posted March 8, 2005 Thank YOU ALL for your concerns and well taken replies to my posts. You guys are the ones (once again) who will make me realize whats gonna be the best choice for me to make!!!! Thank you!!! Link to comment
tanned_production Posted March 8, 2005 Share Posted March 8, 2005 your welcome! keep us updated Link to comment
ang3l2004 Posted March 8, 2005 Share Posted March 8, 2005 Once again the same exact thing was said to me to,Dont mention the relationship dont talk about anything regarding it,I have heard that to,Look out for you now girl because look at me I dont want to tell you not to listen or that he is being honest because I know what kind of situation you are in and I know you will do the best you can for you,But I will say be cautious because you dont want to end up in a game where you just cant win or a game at all for that matter,It's hard and tough but you have to be strong and make sure that you make the right decisions so it dont go down hill and get worse and worse everyday,First he says he dont want to talk,Then he says we can try,I have been going through that to for a very long time you just have to protect your heart or next week you will be back down in the same situation over and over again until the point you a.Find out something you dont like b.Thing's get a quick fix then nothing really changes so be strong please love ya girl Link to comment
Beec Posted March 8, 2005 Share Posted March 8, 2005 esboogie, You in part know what I think already. But one of the things that I see is that when ever he comes in your direction, he just knows you are ready to open up your arms and take him back. And it appears, that you do and then shortly thereafter he changes direction and decides you are not what he wants. When he made the overtures you describe above, he asked if you could prove that you would change. And your response was probably and immediate yes. Which means all he has to do is look your way and ask for something and he gets it? The impression I get from this is that you have put a pretty high value on him and a relatively very low value on you. Instead of him paying dearly to get you, it costs him next to nothing. You are there for him whenever he wants you or wants to use you, and he is there for you? Somehow I doubt it. My point here is that YOU need to put some more value on you. When he uses you and walks all over you, then it should cost him something. He should not jsut be able to use you as and when he chooses, he should need to show you some effort to get you. I know I referred you to the free page at link removed. One of the principals there is that "we want what we cannot have." Guess what, he know he can just have you whenever he wants. This is a problem. Also, love in the beginning stages is a bargain, and we want to find a good deal. We want to pay a little to get something worth a whole lot. (Eventually, we will pay anything for thsoe we really love, but that comes later.) Well, you are going to need to raise the value of you, in order to get someone who wants to pay dearly to buy what you have. Link to comment
clodhopper Posted March 11, 2005 Share Posted March 11, 2005 Yeah you have to make yourself less available to him... guys like the confident independent woman... sweet and caring, yet not emotionally clingy... It's true -- we want what we can't have. And right now, he can have you in his life whenever he wants... Link to comment
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