Does he genuinely like me or just wanna 'have fun'?

[blueowl32]

I know sometimes the two cannot be clearly delineated, but I hope to seek your views, as I really like this guy.

 

1. He knows beyond doubt I won't have sex with him unless in a relationship but he still texts me constantly for months now and he still came to 'cuddle' even when he is super tired after work.

2. He stayed over at mine coupled of times. When I was asleep he kissed my cheeks. When I moved away he would cuddle me . In the early hours of the morning he would initiate a cuddling and kissing session. Before he leaveshe would ask me to hug him.

3. When I was stressed and overreacted at him, he asked if everything was OK, showed care and not left me.

4. He calls me baby when we cuddled in bed, I said I am not your baby, he said he would make me his baby. He said he needs a girl to take care of him. When I expressed affection, he said he likes me, he likes hanging out with me, he fancies me etc.

5. Through little things I know he cares about me, my well-being. And he always motivates, lifts me up and tries to inspire me to be a better person, live life etc.

6. I can be at times hard to deal with but he stuck around and still stayed in touch for months now. I heard players move fast, no?

 

HOWEVER,

He said I am 'fun'. When I said I don't understand him, he said don't over analyse, it would be more 'fun'.

- He is a free spirit and lives in the moment.

- I said we are not on the same page. He said he wants a relationship too, but things like this does not happen after a few meetings.

- Recently when I asked if he likes me, he didn’t answer the directly but said ‘I wanna see you again’.

 

Based on the above, WHAT DOES HE WANT FROM ME? Problem is I might leave the country (for good) soon. When I asked if he is looking for sth long term, he said 'I can't promise on sth I can't be certain about. You are leaving soon.'

 

Does he like me as sth more potentially long-term or just wanna get into my pants?

 

Thank you everyone

[Wiseman2]

It seems he's ok with being cuddle buddies for now but realizes this isn't going anywhere. No he doesn't want long-term, he's quite clear on that and so are you, since you announced you're leaving anyway.

Problem is I might leave the country (for good) soon. When I asked if he is looking for sth long term, he said 'I can't promise on sth I can't be certain about. You are leaving soon.

[lostandhurt]

If you are leaving soon and he knows this I would say he is looking to get into your pants or having a short fling with you.

 

His comments about you being fun are harmless in my opinion.

 

If you are asking if you should have sex with him the answer is no. You said you won't have sex unless you are in a relationship and since you are leaving that country very soon that negates the relationship part so the answer is no.

 

His motives aside you have your boundaries so stick to them. He may be genuine but circumstances make all that a mute point since you are leaving.

 

Players don't always move fast. Some guys are patient and will groom someone for a while. Has he taken you out on dates? Spent time and money on you?

 

Lost

[Ms Darcy]

Why are you having sleepovers with a guy you are not comfortable having sex with yet?

[blueowl32]

Has he taken you out on dates? Spent time and money on you?

 

Lost

 

yes, yes, and yes (though not a lot as I stupidly asked to go dutch sometimes, though he offered everytime).

I made reference to the term 'hang out once' and ever since then when he asks me out he says to 'hang out'. And while he made it sound 'casual' he actually takes me to nice places that he has been to and have thought about. So subtly, he did plan to impress.

 

What makes someone a player?

[FlashEng1]

yes, yes, and yes (though not a lot as I stupidly asked to go dutch sometimes, though he offered everytime).

I made reference to the term 'hang out once' and ever since then when he asks me out he says to 'hang out'. And while he made it sound 'casual' he actually takes me to nice places that he has been to and have thought about. So subtly, he did plan to impress.

 

What makes someone a player?

 

If this is the case, I think you're fear-mongering everyone into giving you bad advice. I second Ms Darcy's question on why even play with the temptation/fire by having sleepover sessions (multiple apparently) with no expectation of, or comfortable with sex? At the same time, if numbers 1-6 really are true, and important, what in the world about his actions make you question him being a player, OR wanting to just get into your pants? I think this is a waste of time to consider him a slow moving player to get in your pants when everything that has been occuring thus far shows differently. I think you should be taking his actions AND his words at face value, and stop overthinking things, THAT ruins potential relationships far more than actual infidelity. He says he likes you and just wants to see where things go. It seems he means exactly that, especially with you moving out of the country soon.

 

If he's not moving at the pace you wanted, and you were already wanting to be in a full on relationship, or engaged or something, then no he might not be the one for you. But other than that, I see nothing as a red flag of any sort. There's not an ulterior motive all the time, some times we really do enjoy the company of a companion, and just want to see where things naturally go.

[Wiseman2]

They don't do sleepless sleepovers

What makes someone a player?

[blueowl32]

because I was about to leave soon and the only time to spend time with each other was to sleepover, as he gets off work late.

Also because we really want to cuddle each other.

 

On the last night before I left, he actually asked if he could just come and cuddle and say goodbye to me after his work and not sleepover as he has been really tired at work. He wanted to see me before I go, without the sleepover.

[Ms Darcy]

Why don't you ask him what he wants from you?

[HeartGoesOn]

Is this the same guy you posted about yesterday?

 

 

[blueowl32]

Lol, indeed. I know I am obsessed. It's bad.

[Itchy]

I think he just wants some fun with you before you move away.

[blueowl32]

I think he just wants some fun with you before you move away.

 

Why do you think so?

[Itchy]

Why do you think so?

 

His actions point that to what I've said.

[blueowl32]

So I made it clear to him to not do any sleepover sessions again. He said he respects that and respects me. He's still been talking to me since then.

 

What do you think?

[Ms Darcy]

I think you should clarify with yourself what you want frombthis guy.

[FlashEng1]

So I made it clear to him to not do any sleepover sessions again. He said he respects that and respects me. He's still been talking to me since then.

 

What do you think?

 

I won't pretend to read your mind or know what you're thinking/wanting. It really seems like both his actions, and his words & communication are truthfully aligned with one another. What do you want? What are you looking for? What are you afraid of ultimately? Being lied to, cheated on, being used?

 

I think the post topic is a little unfair to him. Why does it have to be one or the other: Likes you OR just having fun? Why not both? No, he may not want to go ring shopping to seal the deal before you leave the country; but at the same time he seems to be enjoying your company and spending time getting to know you more. Taking things slowly, and overall: having fun. As a relationship in the early stages should be. It feels as if he's treating this as an ideal situation: Take your time having fun, getting to know the person you like. If it turns into more over time, then great.

 

Are things not moving quickly enough into the relationship phase for you? Would you prefer to already be official and discuss moving in together overseas or some type of long term relationship? What is it that you want?

[blueowl32]

I won't pretend to read your mind or know what you're thinking/wanting. It really seems like both his actions, and his words & communication are truthfully aligned with one another. What do you want? What are you looking for? What are you afraid of ultimately? Being lied to, cheated on, being used?

 

I think the post topic is a little unfair to him. Why does it have to be one or the other: Likes you OR just having fun? Why not both? No, he may not want to go ring shopping to seal the deal before you leave the country; but at the same time he seems to be enjoying your company and spending time getting to know you more. Taking things slowly, and overall: having fun. As a relationship in the early stages should be. It feels as if he's treating this as an ideal situation: Take your time having fun, getting to know the person you like. If it turns into more over time, then great.

 

Are things not moving quickly enough into the relationship phase for you? Would you prefer to already be official and discuss moving in together overseas or some type of long term relationship? What is it that you want?

 

I want him to want me to be his gf. Because 1) I like him and 2) his not wanting me as a long term gf makes me feel rejected, yes. Skewed view, I know.