Dumped by ex. 3 months later I have told him to leave me alone

[betterdayahead]

So my ex dumped me after 3 years together. I was absolutely devistated. It wasn't particularly a bad breakup in terms of screaming and shouting. But I was left absolutely heartbroken.

 

Straight after he blocked and deleted me off all social media and told me not to contact him. So I dragged myself off the floor and brushed myself off and got my life back together. I lost weight, surrounded myself with friends and started doing the things I wanted to do. Finally putting myself first.

 

Then out of the blue he contacted me. Started talking about random things. I responded and things were okay. I ended up ringing him and we spoke for a while and had a laugh. We ended up meeting and again catching up it was nice. I gave him his stuff back and said my goodbye thinking finally I have closure.

 

Then he starts messaging me again. We started talking about all our memories together and what not. I guess it got abit flirty. I kind of got my hopes up. When I got told he had made an online dating profile. I was left crying again. So, I thought this can't go on anymore. I don't want to be left crying whilst he is off talking to me and trying to meet other girls! I know it's only for sex but I guess it makes it worse.

 

So we had arranged to meet this week previously so I could collect some stuff I had left that he purposely didn't give back. He had rang me and I told him how I felt. I told him I couldn't be his friend. I didn't want contact anymore. I wanted to be left alone and move on with my life. He was confused and asked what had happened. I told him I knew about the dating site and said I still cared so I can't do this. He ended up crying. Telling me if that's what's best hell respect it. I asked why he had been contacting me after all this time. What was the reason and all of that. He had said he misses me, still loves me but his head is a mess. He said he was doing stupid to block it out. Everytime he went out he felt like he needed to get drunk, every spare moment he needed to distract himself. All this b/s. So we spoke and spoke about it. He asked to still see me this week. I told him he needs to sort his head out and decide because I'm not waiting around for him. We ended up joking and laughing about other things.

 

So we have arranged our meet up for later on this week and I was feeling quite good about it all. I am speaking to other people and casually dating someone. He knows this. But this morning I find out he had messaged another girl first thing this morning trying to get to know her. I'm so confused why.

 

Why cry and tell me all this stuff. Why beg me to meet you after everything. Fair enough i am seeing and speaking to other people but this morning I had felt guilty about replying and there is was instigating messages to new girls.

 

Advice is majorly needed.

[Wiseman2]

I agree that blocking him completely and going no contact is best. He sounds quite manipulative and is looking to demote you (under the guise of missing you,etc.) to fwb/hook ups during his dating dry spells.

I got told he had made an online dating profile.

[betterdayahead]

He knows I wouldn't sleep with him unless we were in a relationship. Even if he wanted to work things out there's so much hurt he has caused it would take a while to put right.

He said last night I feel like I've gone too far I don't know how to turn back.

I don't know. I think I'm just gonna have to be open and honest and get to the bottom of this. If he says he doesn't want to be with me when we meet contact is cut and I'm gonna carry on moving on.

 

If he does. I guess we will have to try to talk it all out and see if there is a way

[Wiseman2]

Unfortunately it sounds like you are open to getting sucked back in and hurt....out of sheer curiosity. To be honest, it sounds like he just got dumped by somebody and he's backtracking.

I think I'm just gonna have to be open and honest and get to the bottom of this.

[ParisPaulette]

Bluntly speaking? He's attempting to keep you on the back burner until he finds someone else to replace you with. That's what that is all about. He wants an emotional pillow from you, he doesn't want a relationship.

 

And really, I'm going to be blunt here, he never asked for you back. You two are broken up, he has a right to date other people.

 

What he doesn't have a right to do is expect you to sit around holding his hand until he gets another woman.

 

P.S. Anyone who tells me they're drinking to get over a pain is a serious red flag. He's the one who broke up in the first place, so there are consequences, so it's not comfortable, boo-fricking-hoo. This sounds like a little boy who can't deal with consequences and I'm sorry, but that's life.

[betterdayahead]

I know he hasn't been with anyone else we have a lot of mutual friends and im really close with his family.

If anything a casual hook up but I know he went out recently with a friend who was trying to push girls on him so he left and went home. I know he took the breakup pretty difficult at first too. Crying and what not. but don't know what's going on in his head. Maybe it's the shock of me saying I was going to walk away.

Throughout the three months he has never said he regrets it, misses me or still loves me until last night. In fact he always acted really calm and collected about the whole thing. He always says to people that he doesn't know what will happen. I think he thought he could have his cake and eat it. Now I'm saying he can't he's freaking out abit.

 

Especially because he knows I'm serious when I say I'll walk away. What do you think I should do when we meet?

[Wiseman2]

"Thanks for bring my stuff. Have a nice life. Bye."

What do you think I should do when we meet?

[betterdayahead]

Yeah you guys are right he's mugging me off. No point talking anymore.

He may love me and miss me but I won't be a back up. I don't even think I could trust him after the convo we had last night then messaging another girl today.

[Ms Darcy]

He was crying because he is lonely and doesn't want you, his option, to move on. He doesn't want to get back with you dear. He's a waste of time for you.

 

You try to make him sound like a monk. He's trying to get with other girls. It's probably not working as well as he thought it would when he first dumped you.

[shiner501]

He was crying because he is lonely and doesn't want you, his option, to move on. He doesn't want to get back with you dear. He's a waste of time for you.

 

You try to make him sound like a monk. He's trying to get with other girls. It's probably not working as well as he thought it would when he first dumped you.

^^^^ Spot on! My thoughts too.. ^^^^

[DancingFool]

Well....crying or not he still dumped you and he is not asking to reconcile either....just looking to use you to get over you really. So all his crying is nothing more than crocodile tears as far as you are concerned.

 

Ms Darcy absolutely nailed it - getting with someone else isn't as simple as he thought it would be so he is making sure to string you along. You have to choose to unstring yourself. When someone dumps you they lose the privilege of your company, friendship, and contact.

[Bigdeal123]

Well....crying or not he still dumped you and he is not asking to reconcile either....just looking to use you to get over you really. So all his crying is nothing more than crocodile tears as far as you are concerned.

 

Ms Darcy absolutely nailed it - getting with someone else isn't as simple as he thought it would be so he is making sure to string you along. You have to choose to unstring yourself. When someone dumps you they lose the privilege of your company, friendship, and contact.

 

 

 

When someone dumps you they lose the privilege of your company, friendship, and contact.

 

Ha ha ha... It just made me think... My ex who dumped me over a text probably thinks to himself that I lost the privilege of his company, friendship and contact!!!!!!! I seriously am not even kidding!!!! He really thought he deserves someone so much better than I!

[DancingFool]

When someone dumps you they lose the privilege of your company, friendship, and contact.

 

Ha ha ha... It just made me think... My ex who dumped me over a text probably thinks to himself that I lost the privilege of his company, friendship and contact!!!!!!! I seriously am not even kidding!!!! He really thought he deserves someone so much better than I!

 

lol...may be so, but more often than not, the dumper "magnanimously" offers to stay friends or worse, once they discover that what they "deserve" doesn't seem to want them or think that highly of them after all, they come crawling back looking for your attention. So that is when you remind yourself that they've lost that privilege when they dumped you and tell them politely...or not so politely....to take a hike.

[betterdayahead]

You guys are so right. I'm dreading seeing him tomorrow. hes absolutely mugging me off. Last night he was texting me non stop then went cold.

I'm sick and tired of mind games. Tomorrow I'll tell him to leave me be. I'm not gonna sit on the back burner and wait for him. I don't even know if I could trust him if he wanted to give it another shot.

Never thought for a second he would treat me like this. Ever.

[betterdayahead]

He cried and aplogised and told me he'd do anything to give it another shot. I'm still on the fence with it all but I'm willing to try! Thanks for all your advice. I'm gonna make sure my heart is protected this time

[Ms Darcy]

See you back here soon. Seems like you want this roller coaster, dear. If you didn't, you would block him.

[realistic1817]

LOL @ Darcy. I am sorry the response "See you back her soon" was right on time. She is confused, and he either is confused too or his other options like others have said have dried up. I really do hope it works out for you, but I would seriously make him work for it and take it slow. I know you probably wont do that because your hurt from it all. Protecting yourself would be a very wise decision. Good luck!