..* I think something is really wrong with me...what do you think? *..

[Dollita]

I'm not sure where to start...I feel something is really wrong with me.

 

Like something has changed me

 

I'm not who i used to be

 

i'll probably need to take you back about 3 years ago.

 

i need you to read this thread first:

 

 

 

 

 

**************************************

 

 

 

Right...

 

SO that was what happened 3 years ago.

 

After i broke up with that guy, i started dating and seeing new people

 

But the problem is...

 

I started having serious "jealousy" and "trust" issues with every new guy i date

 

I would be jealous of my new BF's past girlfriends - any "female" on his Facebook

 

I would go through his messages and delete any girl that i perceive was a least bit attractive from his Facebook

 

When i think of his past, where he took his girl to, what all they did

 

How much he loved her etc...my heart hurts

 

I made him break his car's window and refused to sit on that car just because they once a girl gave him a BJ in that car

 

And he broke his car's window and left it un-repaired till date, just because i asked him to.

 

I won't go to restaurants he once took his ex-gfs to

 

OMG, you should hear this next one

 

I asked him if he has loved anyone so much and he said yes, once, 12 years ago when he was a teenager

 

I MADE him track her down

 

He took a few days to find her and went down to her office and told her he didn't love her

 

And i had him record their conversation so i can listen to it

 

 

**************************************

 

 

 

I am so shocked just thinking about all the things i made him do

 

I feel like there are 2 different persons inside me

 

This is not me

 

Seriously, i've never been like this, i was never a jealous type or a possessive type

 

So i broke up with this new guy as well

 

Then there were 3 more - which I acted the same

 

Crazy jealous type of me

 

And in the end it hurt so much just thinking about their ex-gfs

 

Like i was living everyday in their past

 

Like their Ex-gfs were still alive

 

Now i can't see anyone at all because of this issue i have with ANYBODY's Ex-GFs

 

I would be obsessed with their ex-gfs and their stories and i was really depressed

 

The problem is i have no idea what's going on with me

 

I just know that something is really wrong with me

 

I tried so hard not to think about any of my new BFs' past but i could not

 

I get so insecure and jealous and...frustrated

 

Today, I'm alone, single, and there are guys to talk, who want to get to know me more..

 

but i'm too afraid to open up and get involved

 

As that ugly side of me is still there

 

And it just hurts so bad

 

What's wrong with me?

[Capricorn3]

Therapy, therapy, therapy. I think that's the only answer here, as some of things you mention are quite disturbing and the only way to help you with these numerous issues would be professional counseling/therapy.

[SherrySher]

I agree with Capricorn...you need some sort of therapy. This is very unhealthy behavior. Men are not yours to "own" and force them to prove that they love you more than anyone else they've ever been with. You are bordering on very dangerous behavior and you will never have a healthy relationship thinking this way, or forcing your bf's to do these things. Please seek help for your jealousy issues and possible self esteem issues.

[Silverbirch]

Doll it. You are very traumatised by what happened with your ex and you need help. (((((())))

[Dollita]

@Silverbirch - I believe so too. I feel it's some kind of emotional and psychological trauma. I thought i handled that breakup 3 years ago fine, but i guess i am wrong.

[Wiseman2]

This bf was a cheating jerk. You're not crazy, the relationship was.

Yesterday a girl called me and asked if I were his GF? I said, "Sorry, who are you?" I called her back, we talked, and boy...i thought i was prepared for the worst, but after learning the fact that he has been sleeping with her every single night for the past 3 months

[lucky96]

maybe talk to someone but not necessarily therapy. people go through this all the time. i get really jealous over some of that stuff too, not necessarily the same as you but some things i can relate to. my biggest question would be why you broke up with the one guy that did all of those things for you? if he was willing to do that to his car, delete his friends, and go track a girl down to say he doesn't love her anymore...why let him go? he obviously was understating of your insecurities and jealousy (don't take that the wrong way because everyone has insecurities) so why let him go?

[Dollita]

@lucky96 - I let him go because i think i was hurting him with my insecurities...im so sad for making him do all those things.