I'm in love with my co-worker 😥

[Gaynor]

My coworker and I started working together about 10 months ago. We work closely together all day just the two of us mainly. From the day he started we just completely clicked, he is like my best friend in the world we talk about everything and have so much in common. I've never met anyone who I get along so well with even though we haven't known each other that long really. Other people also comment on how we are so close and get on so well together.

I'm 32 and he is 25 so there is an age gap. I really think I have fallen in love with him but of course I don't tell him so. He has a long term girlfriend and is moving away and leaving work in a few months time.

I'm so upset that I will be losing him soon, I'm going to be devastated when he leaves. I don't know if he sees me as more than a friend, I doubt it he hadn't given an indication of anything more really.

I just feel that I have finally met my soul mate, but I have to lose him.

Any advice please?

[DoF]

Yea, never EVER date your co workers. You put your career on the line and you open your place of work to your personal life. Also, in time, things will get akward etc.

 

Also, never EVER date a person that's already involved. Think about it, best case scenario and you end up with a cheater. Do you really want a cheater?

 

You will need to put your feelings/emotion to the side and JUST WORK. Forget about everything else.

 

Also you are NOT in love, you are infatuated/have a crush. Learn the difference.

[crowleysgirl]

Well, he has a girlfriend, so that's that. If he cheated on her with you, or even left her for you, how could you trust him? He is NOT your soul mate, or he wouldn't be with somebody else and about to move away right now. Life is not a romantic comedy.

[Gaynor]

I won't say or do anything, it just hurts me inside. I know it's silly

[Wiseman2]

All you can do is mourn the loss of a nice coworker. However as far as "soulmates", keep things in perspective that he was nothing more than a friendly coworker. Do you date or have a BF?

He has a long term girlfriend and is moving away and leaving work in a few months time.

[Gaynor]

No I'm single and don't really date. I won't act on it, it just feels kind of awful.

[Gaynor]

Maybe soul mates is too strong a term. I'm pretty level headed generally just feel a bit mixed up at the moment

[Wiseman2]

Now you will have lots of time to focus on this rather than get too attached to people who are already taken.

No I'm single and don't really date.

[DoF]

No I'm single and don't really date. I won't act on it, it just feels kind of awful.

 

You need to date, OUTSIDE of work. CLEARLY

[greta96]

Do people not care anymore that the objects of their interest are NOT AVAILABLE???

I see this kind of posts weekly, oh I like him so much, but there is one problem: he has a girlfriend/wife. It's sickening. The fact that they are not available is not just an insignificant feat, an inconvenience. It's a stop sign you have to respect. Period.

 

He has a girlfriend, that's all you need to know. He is not your soul mate, that's just an insane notion you have dug into your own head to justify your crush on him. By the same token, you are not losing him. You don't have him, hello?? His girlfriend has him.

How would you like it if another chick was posting this kind of stuff on a forum about your future husband?

 

Back off and stop chasing fantasies. Yes I'm harsh, but I had to deal with this a few times in my life, with women who tried running all over me (literally too once!) just to take my boyfriends, and I have a very short fuse for this kind of cr@p.

[Dottieflanogon]

Leave it alone...he's in a relationship.He's probably being extra friendly with you for the same reasons that it always seems like girls are more friendly to guys who already have girlfriends. it's because he sees you as off-limits (co-worker) and knows that you will not interpret his actions as flirting/sexual advances... uh, which is what you are doing, so stop that!Even if he makes a pass at you while having a girlfriend, then it can happen with others. Besides, the easiest thing to do is put yourself in the girlfriend's shoes.If you respect him and his relationship, keep things platonic.

[ParisPaulette]

OP, look you aren't in love with this guy. You have a crush brought on by inappropriately getting a false intimacy through sharing things that frankly you both probably shouldn't have been sharing with a coworker. And yes, I get it. It's really easy when you all work together, you don't have to make an effort, they're right there, and you can each confide in each other. Ready made boyfriend/girlfriend indeed.

 

EXCEPT in this case you knew from the start he was not available to you. That there was a girlfriend in the picture. And if you'd truly respected that and respected him and not decided that taking the easy lazy way of finding someone to share your life with was the acceptable way you'd have shut that crap down when you first realized you were getting a little inappropriate in your feelings.

 

You can't always control feelings, true. But you can sure reign them in and take it all down a few notches, or 5,000.

 

Stop being so close to this guy. And understand you've just been shown that you need to be more careful about your friendships with members of the opposite sex. If you cannot feel about a guy the exact same way you feel about a girl that you're friends with then no, you should not have friends of the opposite sex, period. End of story.

 

Consider this a wakeup call that you need to get a life outside of work. And to stop looking at someone else as the solution to your loneliness or wanting a different life. It's on you to go out and get that and you do that by making sure you have a decent life balance of work is work and personal life is separate. And yes, you go out and date and get some outside interests instead of work.

 

Not trying to bag on you, but right about now it's time for you to take this as the biggest warning flag out there that you're actually making zero effort to establish a life that's independent of the office.

 

This guy is not the solution to you being lonely or wanting a boyfriend. You need to get that on your own steam by making some effort outside of work.

[Gloworm]

Maybe he is in an unhappy relationship. Its not like he has proposed to her yet. Tell him how you feel and you will probably get your answer. If you think your soulmates maybe he feels the same. I was in a somewhat unhappy relationship and was happy when i met someone i actually clicked with. I did break up with my boyfriend.

[Gaynor]

I'm not lonely and desperate for a boyfriend. I only posted cos I feel upset and confused with my feelings.

I've no intention of making trouble in his relationship.

I guess when he leaves things will straighten out. Until then il keep a low profile

[greta96]

Maybe he is in an unhappy relationship. Its not like he has proposed to her yet. Tell him how you feel and you will probably get your answer. If you think your soulmates maybe he feels the same. I was in a somewhat unhappy relationship and was happy when i met someone i actually clicked with. I did break up with my boyfriend.

 

Really, Gloworm? So you would be perfectly ok with your long term boyfriend's coworker hitting on him and confessing her love for him? Well you never know, one day it may happen and then you will rethink your stance on the subject.

[greta96]

I'm not lonely and desperate for a boyfriend. I only posted cos I feel upset and confused with my feelings.

I've no intention of making trouble in his relationship.

I guess when he leaves things will straighten out. Until then il keep a low profile

 

All you need to do is be with him the same way you would like another woman to be with your husband, while at work. Whatever you think you wouldn't like to be done to you, don't do.