Wife Texting Other Guy

[LiamIRL]

I have been happily married to my beautiful wife for 16 years, we are from different countries and cultures but its worked well, I work away for 5 weeks then I am home for 5 weeks, I am far from perfect and I have my own faults from time to time, we have 3 wonderful kids and lead a busy life,

My wife a few months ago started chatting on this classmates web site from her country, I taught this was great and fun for her to keep contact, and it was nice for her to catch up with her old friends and classmates,

I was outside one day and I see her inside laughing texting, so I ask her is it the group and she got nervous and said yes it is, so I said of it must be, then I noticed she was on her phone a lot more than normal and holding it close as if to protect what was on it, I had a look at her phone and it had a pin lock code, one day I was cleaning outside and she was inside on the couch on her phone I leaned over and I could see she was messaging one guy on this app, so I confronted her and asked he what was going on who was this guy, she told me to relax that it was an old classmate and they were just chatting, so later that night I took her phone and had a look ....the chat was flirty and he was telling her how much he loved her, so I hooked up her phone to my computer and I got some of the chats information,

It is in a foreign language so I had to use a translator online to see what was being said, so we had a large argument and she said that she had been messaging him for about 7 weeks, I freaked out because she lied and lied to my face, if the chat was harmless normal chat then I would have been ok but this guy was calling her his life love and darling,

She realized what she had done and begged me not to go, So I freaked out and left the house I slept in my car and cheap hotels and I think I had a nervous breakdown, I walked the streets at night and felt like my world had ended, at one stage I felt so empty I contemplated suicide and stood by a river at night, it was the hardest moment in my life its like someone had ripped an organ from my body, not sleeping and not eating much I was In a heap, unfortunately I am an emotional guy and I took it very hard I was deeply hurt and my heat was broken by my wife the one I love so much,

So we didn't talk much and had more fights, so I confronted her again and she was still messaging this guy I could see it on her phone, so I left gain, then we spoke slowly and she asked me to come home, me being soft and missing her so much I moved home,

So I had the text of their conversations translated and most of it was just chatting but he kept telling her how much he loved her and she kept saying that she felt bad but loved their talks and having him for support,

So we made up and it was great I felt so good and I was willing to forgive her and carry on as long as it stopped, I tried to discuss it with her but she told me I was silly or paranoid,

So I agree to get back together if she promises she will stop the contact with him and tell him to back off ....she promises a few times and this makes me feel better and ok

So I go back to work abroad a week later and I get a felling again she's in contact with him, so I ask her a couple of times and she said no they were not talking,

I am at work and I cant sleep I know its going on again, I get an idea how to hack her classmates app chat and I do and their we go again they are still talking and he's calling her darling and being all personal again, thye are 4000 km apart but my wife will be their on holidays to see her family, We fight again badly and I try to contact her and she wont talk, its very hard as I know I should leave her but I don't heave the heart to do it I love here too much, I know I am a sucker and shes using me like a doormat, What can I do ??? hurt and confused, I have tried to contact her but she wont reply so I think its time for me to man up move on from her if I can

[nuttybuddy]

she should not trivialize your jealousy. she needed to take you seriously when you tried to discuss what took place. she needs to make a choice. if she really wants to destroy this marriage over that guy, then so be it. but if she wants to save it, u need marriage counseling.

 

the ball's really in her court. she knows you love her and that's why you're hurting. she knows she can turn things around, but her position of not doing everything in her power to fix things worry me. maybe her heart is wanting what she cannot have. in other words, she wants to cheat. she wants to taste the forbidden fruit. if that's the case, you have to let her go. there's no need for her to cheat. the jig is up. she can go. u need to move on.

[LiamIRL]

she should not trivialize your jealousy. she needed to take you seriously when you tried to discuss what took place. she needs to make a choice. if she really wants to destroy this marriage over that guy, then so be it. but if she wants to save it, u need marriage counseling.

 

the ball's really in her court. she knows you love her and that's why you're hurting. she knows she can turn things around, but her position of not doing everything in her power to fix things worry me. maybe her heart is wanting what she cannot have. in other words, she wants to cheat. she wants to taste the forbidden fruit. if that's the case, you have to let her go. there's no need for her to cheat. the jig is up. she can go. u need to move on.

 

Thanks for your words I appreciate it a lot, its very hard for me to let her go and move on ! but if it is the case and she does not make the effort to make it work I will have to move on, it will be devastating but that's life, it will destroy me but if its what happens then I will have to live with it, I can only try so much she needs to make the effort also....thanks Man

[Movingforward3]

Dude, if you have start using computer programs to spy on on your wife, it is over. The lack of trust and communication is the issue here. You blame her, when you are both equally to blame. Start taking care of business at home, otherwise you will.be alone.

[LiamIRL]

Dude, if you have start using computer programs to spy on on your wife, it is over. The lack of trust and communication is the issue here. You blame her, when you are both equally to blame. Start taking care of business at home, otherwise you will.be alone.

 

Movingforward thanks for the advise ....I know iv been an ass...its driven by my fear, you are correct in need to Start taking care of business

 

Thanks !

[Wiseman2]

Discuss with your wife that meeting guys online to chat and flirt is not cool.

[Hermes]

Exactly Wiseman.

 

"Discuss with your wife that meeting guys online to chat and flirt is not cool.

 

Liam. Having quarrels about the situation won't help. A serious sit-down conversation is on the cards. Hope all goes well.

[TMifune]

You blame her, when you are both equally to blame. Start taking care of business at home, otherwise you will.be alone.

 

I'm sorry, but I have to disagree. I'm all for taking responsibility for whatever you can / could've changed, but she took vows. The emotional cheating is her fault and her fault alone. He can try to figure out what lead to it and how his actions were part of it, and that's fine, but she's the only one responsible for her emotional cheating.

[LiamIRL]

Discuss with your wife that meeting guys online to chat and flirt is not cool.

 

Indeed thanks

[LiamIRL]

You are right Hermes ....it should not be tolerated but I am willing to try....well meet her half way at least.....

[LiamIRL]

good point I will consider this...................thanks everyone for the help

[SooSad33]

In today's world it is soooo easy to get too caried away too easily.

 

BUT, yes.. BOTH of them should have been more respectful in the fact she is married! ( could she maybe just be flattered because of that positive response from another man.. of whom is paying her some attention.. while you are away?)

Is she maybe feeling lonely while you are away for 5 weeks?

 

Could you discuss this and maybe she hang more with friends.. or get a hobby.. sports?

 

Either way.. i hope it ends well.. that there is NO need for distrust between you two and this is real 'love' .. where you can work it out!

[LiamIRL]

Exactly Wiseman.

 

"Discuss with your wife that meeting guys online to chat and flirt is not cool.

 

Liam. Having quarrels about the situation won't help. A serious sit-down conversation is on the cards. Hope all goes well.

 

Thanks Hermes

[LiamIRL]

SooSad33 very kind words indeed ...you are correct I should make the effort

[Hollyj]

Discuss with your wife that meeting guys online to chat and flirt is not cool.

 

But, she is not a child. She knows that this is wrong, but is choosing it over the relationship. And now, she has been lying about terminating the convo.

 

I suggest counseling. If she is not agreeable, then I would consider the marriage done.

 

The only fault I see on your side, is being a bit too tolerant.

[LiamIRL]

I have been happily married to my beautiful wife for 16 years, we are from different countries and cultures but its worked well, I work away for 5 weeks then I am home for 5 weeks, I am far from perfect and I have my own faults from time to time, we have 3 wonderful kids and lead a busy life,

My wife a few months ago started chatting on this classmates web site from her country, I taught this was great and fun for her to keep contact, and it was nice for her to catch up with her old friends and classmates,

I was outside one day and I see her inside laughing texting, so I ask her is it the group and she got nervous and said yes it is, so I said of it must be, then I noticed she was on her phone a lot more than normal and holding it close as if to protect what was on it, I had a look at her phone and it had a pin lock code, one day I was cleaning outside and she was inside on the couch on her phone I leaned over and I could see she was messaging one guy on this app, so I confronted her and asked he what was going on who was this guy, she told me to relax that it was an old classmate and they were just chatting, so later that night I took her phone and had a look ....the chat was flirty and he was telling her how much he loved her, so I hooked up her phone to my computer and I got some of the chats information,

It is in a foreign language so I had to use a translator online to see what was being said, so we had a large argument and she said that she had been messaging him for about 7 weeks, I freaked out because she lied and lied to my face, if the chat was harmless normal chat then I would have been ok but this guy was calling her his life love and darling,

She realized what she had done and begged me not to go, So I freaked out and left the house I slept in my car and cheap hotels and I think I had a nervous breakdown, I walked the streets at night and felt like my world had ended, at one stage I felt so empty I contemplated suicide and stood by a river at night, it was the hardest moment in my life its like someone had ripped an organ from my body, not sleeping and not eating much I was In a heap, unfortunately I am an emotional guy and I took it very hard I was deeply hurt and my heat was broken by my wife the one I love so much,

So we didn't talk much and had more fights, so I confronted her again and she was still messaging this guy I could see it on her phone, so I left gain, then we spoke slowly and she asked me to come home, me being soft and missing her so much I moved home,

So I had the text of their conversations translated and most of it was just chatting but he kept telling her how much he loved her and she kept saying that she felt bad but loved their talks and having him for support,

So we made up and it was great I felt so good and I was willing to forgive her and carry on as long as it stopped, I tried to discuss it with her but she told me I was silly or paranoid,

So I agree to get back together if she promises she will stop the contact with him and tell him to back off ....she promises a few times and this makes me feel better and ok

So I go back to work abroad a week later and I get a felling again she's in contact with him, so I ask her a couple of times and she said no they were not talking,

I am at work and I cant sleep I know its going on again, I get an idea how to hack her classmates app chat and I do and their we go again they are still talking and he's calling her darling and being all personal again, thye are 4000 km apart but my wife will be their on holidays to see her family, We fight again badly and I try to contact her and she wont talk, its very hard as I know I should leave her but I don't heave the heart to do it I love here too much, I know I am a sucker and shes using me like a doormat, What can I do ??? hurt and confused, I have tried to contact her but she wont reply so I think its time for me to man up move on from her if I can

 

So we made contact slowly and we have discussed everything in a civil manner...I explained the reason for my hurt and anger and she understands, I made it clear that it should not be tolerated and that their should be no secrets, we discussed everything about it and we have agreed on trying to save the marriage, I have agreed to being less paranoid and more trusting and she has agreed to be more open and honest, we are not back together yet but at least their is civil and calm conversation between us, I have taught long and hard and she means too much to me to let her go or walk away from what we have and have had, some might call me a sucker but I don't want it to end and I feel its well worth the effort to stay and try

 

I am most grateful for the comments and opinions express from everyone, its nice to know support is their from people all over the world,

[LiamIRL]

So we made contact slowly and we have discussed everything in a civil manner...I explained the reason for my hurt and anger and she understands, I made it clear that it should not be tolerated and that their should be no secrets, we discussed everything about it and we have agreed on trying to save the marriage, I have agreed to being less paranoid and more trusting and she has agreed to be more open and honest, we are not back together yet but at least their is civil and calm conversation between us, I have taught long and hard and she means too much to me to let her go or walk away from what we have and have had, some might call me a sucker but I don't want it to end and I feel its well worth the effort to stay and try

 

I am most grateful for the comments and opinions express from everyone, its nice to know support is their from people all over the world,

 

 

Update unfortunately she was still in regular contact with her classmate, more lies more bull....im done 3rd time strike out for me, well I can say I really tried, its very hard for me but I hope time will heal, she was caught on the phone with him while I was meant to be asleep at work, ....such is life

 

Liam

[Wiseman2]

Sorry to hear that, it really sucks. What you you going to tell her?

Update unfortunately she was still in regular contact with her classmate, more lies more bull....im done. she was caught on the phone with him while I was meant to be asleep at work

[Hermes]

That's rough, Liam. I know the days and weeks ahead will be uneasy and stressful.