Insight needed...after all these years...INLOVE???

[Myalovez]

Hello everyone.

I've been a watcher on ENA for many years and always came to try find help reading situations that have been similar to mine but today am posting because my mind is on overload..hope some one can help as I'm so confused.

 

In brief I've known this man in total for 11 years and throughout we've never been 'together' as in let's have a relationship. There's never been label on us.

We are both adults in mid 30's.

Our friendship has developed and we've been through a lot together, SEX has always been involved to which we found ourselves in a FWB. Sad to admit but yep..I did eventually fall and get hurt from this...nevertheless we've always remained close and part of each others lives somehow.

I have two teen kids also (not his) who he ADORES.

His feelings for me have always been wishy washy.

 

Recently something terrible happened to him where he was injured.

I'm the only person that has been there, caring, supporting...through it all BUT this is nothing to me it's second nature to me.

 

So he's slowly getting back in his feet now but the other night something strange occurred.

He told me he'd been talking to a friend about me and he asked me if I love him and was Inlove with him...HE WAS SO HAPPY.

we had a long chat. A lot was said.

That night we made love and he held me telling me " I've never felt love like this before I know it's the real deal because as I'm making love to you ALL my sences are alive"

He looked into my eyes saying that he loves every part/inch of me..

OK guys this is immense for me...we've been through a lot together and never would I of imagined him saying this to me as he's NOT one to ever talk about love or say I love you.

 

 

But I'm confused is that how a man knows he is Inlove like when making love to a women...do all your sences come alive...is that the difference between sex with any women and the women you LOVE.

 

Is he Inlove with me for REAL?

Sorry if my post is muddled if you do need anymore info on him or me please let me know!

 

I'll leave you with that for now I'm just bit scared/confused..shocked even because it's always been him telling me ' he's just not feeling THAT with me' NOW this...

 

(Btw he had had a few glasses of wine that night!)

 

Thanks guys hope you can help

[Tanzi]

Welcome to eNA myalovez.

 

For me there is a huuuuuge difference. With my last long term relationship the sex was incredibly intense because of the emotion that came with it. Sex alone can still be good but it is NOTHING compared to making love. That being said, the intensity does naturally wear off after a while but I will never forget feeling the emotion that passed between my ex and I in the very beginning. But that is just my experience.

 

However, it isn't just sex (or making love) that indicates whether a man really loves you or not. It will be in his other actions and words too. In your case for example, if things go back to pretty much the way they were, with no label and no real togetherness then it may have just been a one off moment. If he is truly in love with you then he would want to be with you and would want to make it official. So in that respect you will just have to see where this goes .... but I wouldn't wait another 11 years. In fact I wouldn't wait another month. If this doesn't change anything NOW then I think you need to seriously consider what you are going to do as regards hanging on to this man.

 

The only way to find out how he is really feeling is by talking. I don't mean by bombarding him with a thousand questions but good communication is key to any working relationship and if this is where this is headed then you will naturally communicate your thoughts and needs to each other. If you don't and it goes nowhere then that will also give you a good indication as to whether this is real or not.

 

We can't tell you what is going on in his head. Only he knows that and only the two of you can communicate that to each other. Maybe he was waiting for YOU to tell him you loved him in the same way you were. Maybe the accident has given him a whole new perspective on things. I really do hope so! God only knows we love a happy ending on eNA.

[Myalovez]

Thank you so much for replying.

Recently he has be saying and doing (as much as he physically can) for me & kids.

 

He has his own place and will occasionally have my son over for boys night in HE loves hanging out with my children and always speaks of us in his future. But it's true I guess time will reveal all. And I do now have to totally be cautious of this sudden surge from him.

 

He was abandoned by his mother from a very early age so I know from his admittance that this has made him shut off from being in committed relationships.

His childhood has wrecked him he believes BUT I've told him that's in the past and you chose who you are NOW.

He doesn't know how to love as he's never had it.

 

Thing is I'm not expecting all of a sudden for him to be inundating me with good morning texts and soppiness ...if anything I'm more swayed that now he's come to this say Everything to me that he will go into his cave a bit...*sigh*

 

Thank you xxxx

[SooSad33]

I suggest YOU keep going.. slowly. Don't jump right into this with too strong of emotions.. just yet.

 

Like you said.. he 'lacks' in ability to 'love'? And.. he had wine in him.

 

I am saying this because it has been a LONG time that you've known him and yes.. you two might have a decent 'friendship' bond. That is not 'love'.

 

So.. don't 'expect' anything major to turn in this. Go with what you do know.... that he had a few drinks and he has some issue's.

 

DO be careful.. because I have also ended up with my feelings getting involved in a Fwb.. was NOT easy to recover. Took over 3 months to start improving from that.

 

I am almost sure I am done seeking a 'partner' these days. So many damaged already and NOT able to 'give' anymore...

[Sportster2005]

I don't think so. I think he may have thought he meant it. When he starts saying it and acting it outside the bedroom, them believe him. Men will say all sorts of stuff if the sex is good. Chemicals do that.