15 Days No Contact

[OliviaPope]

Fifteen days ago I spoke to my ex for the last time. Everyday that passes out more time and space between us. I am heartbroken and depressed. I am tired all the time and my appetite is is disturbed.

 

I don't know what I am doing but I keep motivating myself to avoid reaching out to him. If I did I wouldn't know what to say. There is nothing either of us can say or do to address all the joint history we have between us.

 

I am not sure what I hope to accomplish by posting here other than venting. I feel lost and confused.

 

He is the dumper and I am the dumpee. I feel rejected and disposable. I just want to feel good about myself again. I am so tired of feeling this pain.

 

I can't wait to see how much better I am doing by day thirty. Each day feels a year long. Sometimes I ache from feeling so lousy.

[parrot]

I completely understand everything you've said. I am almost at 30 days. The temptation to contact has diminished only because I've thought about it so much and I really have no idea what to do say without sounding desperate and miserable. It hurts not to reach out and contact him, but it also feels really good that he doesn't know what I'm thinking/feeling/doing. At this point, the feeling good (as far as NC) is outweighing the bad.

 

But my appetite still sucks, I sleep maybe a few hours a night and that's with taking Benedryl. I feel like a zombie half the time. I am very miserable and depressed and I feel like there is no way out of it. I have physical pain in my stomach and chest from the constant flood of memories and "what-ifs."

 

I'm sorry that I don't have anything more uplifting to say to you, just thought it might help you to know that there is someone else out there right now feeling the exact same way you are. All I can think about is how much I miss him. Everything in my life feels wrong.

 

Good for you, for resisting the temptation to reach out. Allow yourself to feel proud. It isn't easy! I hope you start to feel better very soon...

[JA0371]

Don't be shocked if you backslide. More than a few times. You think it will be ok.....and then it feels worse. Then you start over. Then you go longer. You make 30 days..,then you 'think' it will be different. Then it hurts a little less. So you start again. This time, you can sustain a longer period of time without thinking of them every damn minute. Maybe even half a day!!so, you think you're ready to 'talk'......then they sound happier than they should. Or they are actually daing someone else....... ???? Why do you keep doing this to yourself?? (Bang your head on a wall) and swear to yourself 'ok... This is it. I'm sick of backsliding and going through this over and over). Fast forward to 6 months but much much wiser...... You're smiling again. Happier. Making plans an living again your ex is almost a memory now.

 

Ok...that may not be YOUR outcome..but it has been SO many on this forum. Including me.

Sometimes you just have to go through it....to get over it.

[SooSad33]

It all takes time....

I am just over 2 months in. Still having some rough days. because it eases a bit where we dont think of them as often.. then it will come back full force. That thought.. that sadness that they're gone ( reality)

this is all normal part of dealing with 'grief'. ( It is a loss).

 

But, I will admit, yesterday, I took the dog for a walk.. came back and all evening I didn't feel as badly as I normally do.

Today.. i can feel some sadness again- but it is still progress!

 

Remember.. We were okay before them.. we'll be okay after them.

[OliviaPope]

Thank you to everyone who posted. It helps to know I am not as alone as I feel.

 

I go to work and then come horn and take my dog for a walk. I pop a pill and wait for bedtime. I am sure there are much more productive ways to spend my time but for now I am just getting used to the fact that I don't have the man I got used to being around anymore. In a lot of ways I am better off...no more accusations, no more walking on egg shells, no more waiting for the other shoe to drop.

 

It's funny I have a breakup app on my phone that gives me advice on how to move to a stage of acceptance instead of anger/denial/depression.

 

Thank you friends for letting me know where you are in your breakup.

 

I am determined not to let this end define me. I have the rest of my life to live...onward and upward!