Going Insane - Help!

[moodindigo91]

I'm going insane. Or at least it feels like it.

 

My ex-boyfriend and I have been broken up for quite some time. We've been living together all this time still because I had lost my job when we first broke up and he had just gotten out of the military. I just got a new job recently. Prior to that, he told me he loved me and wanted to get back together and "try again" but I just got to the point where I finally resolved what I was feeling from the break-up and wanted to move out and move on. So I wasn't very receptive at first. On the morning of my 25th birthday, he tried to have sex with me and I didn't want to. He got mad and began to argue with me (saying silly things like "I'm a man, I have needs, you're forcing me to look elsewhere..."). He said that he's tired of me not wanting to have sex and he doesn't want to "wait around for another year" while I figure out if this is what I want so we can finally have sex.

 

Obviously I mentioned that I stopped having sex with him because he broke up with me (can't have your cake and eat it, too) and I was the one waiting around for a year while he sits around 90% of the day except for the two days a week he takes classes at the local community college. Now that he wants to get back together, I suppose that means to him that I just need to drop everything and sleep with him immediately. I was open to working on things and taking things slowly, I told him I still wanted to move out and we could go on dates and see how things go. But he doesn't like that idea, there's no compromise with him at all. It's his way or he moves back to FL and in with his parents because if we're not together, he doesn't see the point in remaining in CA and getting a job "just to be able to pay rent". So he keeps trying to have sex with me and keeps getting mad when I don't want to. The reasons I don't want to are multiple but mostly because: 1. this whole situation between us completely turns me off; 2. I know he's talking to his ex (prior to me) and other women which also turns me off; 3. I know every time I do have sex with him, it complicates things much more and makes it harder for me to leave; 4. Between work (I have essentially two jobs and I answer to two bosses that give me multiple tasks every day), my dog, and him (I help him with everything including homework, cleaning, etc...) I have been very stressed and anxious lately and my libido is just low.

 

Anyways, he keeps getting mad and it's making me mad in turn, and anxious. Especially after a long, stressful day at work the first thing I have to deal with when I come home is a temperamental man who asks me over and over if I want to have sex and makes the whole situation awkward when I say no each time. I can't even enjoy my time or relax at home because of the awkward feeling that exists when this happens. He's also been making me feel extremely guilty for his decision to possibly move back to FL because I don't want to jump into the relationship and pick up from where we left off (which seems like a backwards thing to do when our relationship obviously had a lot of unresolved issues before). So I have been feeling so guilty and paralyzed by that said guilt and fear that what I'm doing is wrong (because it's against my instinct to hurt someone or leave them seemingly helpless) and so part of myself is telling myself to stay with him and try to get him to a better place in his life (i.e., help him with school, help him get a job, help him overcome his depression). My friend said if I do that, I would probably end up married and miserable. The other part of me truly wants to leave this whole thing behind me and try to salvage a friendship down the line.

 

All I know is that I'm coming to a crucial point where a decision needs to be made. I'm tired of living in limbo, unable to leave, unable to stay. I can't live this way any more, yet I have no idea what to do, how to do it, and I feel paralyzed by fear and unable to make any decision at all. I guess I'm wondering if anyone's been in a similar situation before, and what is the best way to handle it?

[Wiseman2]

Move out asap. This situation of living together but neither being together nor broken up is creating this chaos.

I come home is a temperamental man who asks me over and over if I want to have sex. I'm tired of living in limbo

[tina-rocks]

I concur! Is there anywhere at all you can go? , you can't stay in there with him, he is frankly bullying you. Please for your own sake, GET OUT! I don't want to see you in a situation, where he pushes you SOOO! Far, that you give in, just to keep him quiet. My advice is to leave as soon as you can find somewhere. He is being incredibly incentive and is only thinking of one thing and that isn't his brains and pushing you like he is, is bullying.

 

Christina x