Bad dream turned Erotic...

[EpicOfAnguish]

I posted earlier this week about the bad dreams I have had of late. The one I had last night was by far the strangest one yet.

 

My husband said he had to talk to me about something serious. He told me that he had met someone online that he had very strong feelings for, and he was going to see this person despite what I thought about it, because he needed to know if these feelings were real. I was devistated. He said he was sorry to do this to me, but if he really did love this person he was divorcing me. He showed me pics of her on the computer, and she was ungodly beautiful. I am an attractive person, but she was gorgeous. I felt so jealous. He also told me she was only 17! This made me really mad. I asked if he was planning to have sex with her, and he told me he was. I got very angry, and left...

 

Then I'm at work. He called me and said he was leaving that night and he'd be back in a few days to give me his "decision." I asked "what am I supposed to do while your gone?' he replied "whatever you want, I don't care." and hung up on me. Then this girl I know comes up out of nowhere and asked me if I wanted to go with her to see this band play. She told me the name of the band but I don't remember it. In the dream it was a band I was really excited about seeing, but this band doesn't exist in the real world.

 

So then I'm at this club with this girl. The club I was at was a real club that I have been to several times. We were watching this band play and having a good time, but the situation with my husband was still on my mind. I kept wondering what he was doing with this 17 year old, beautiful girl...

 

So when the band was done playing my friend and I were invited backstage. This one guy in the band and I got into this really good conversation. He was gorgrous! He was probably one of the best looking guys I have ever seen, and I was excited and aroused just talking to him. Then everyone else was gone, and me and this guy were alone. We started kissing, and I felt arousal combined with a horrible sense of dread. I kept remember how my husband told me to do whatever I wanted while he was gone, but I knew this was wrong. Well we ended up having sex. I hate to even say it, but it was just so intensly erotic. I actually orgasmed a few times.

 

I woke up this morning ashamed of myself for dreaming this. I have no reason to think that my husband would cheat on me, and I have never had any desire to cheat on him. He talks to girls online, but I also talk to guys online too. The girls he talks to online have never bothered me. This dream was incredibly vivd, it all seemed so real. I have never had a dream that started out bad and turned sexual.

 

I am just dying to hear other opinions about this. Should I feel bad for it?

[shes2smart]

I am just dying to hear other opinions about this. Should I feel bad for it?

 

For a dream? Nah. It's not like you have control over what your brain circuitry does when you're not conscious.

 

My understanding of it is we have all sorts of images, emotions, experiences stored in our brain and while we sleep they can fire off randomly. We try to weave them into a story, but sometimes it's a stretch. I suppose there can be some sort of deeper meaning to dreams, but it's rarely a literal interpretation.

 

Like in yours...it's probably not that your husband is attracted to underage jailbait, but may be attracted to a youthful spirit--may be the 17 year old represents YOUR youthful spirit...who knows? There are so many possibilities....including the possibility that it's just your brain going through some sort of organic defragmentation program.

 

In any event, I wouldn't waste time feeling bad about it...you can't control what your brain (or body) does when you're unconscious. And going without sleep is not an option. You might want to keep a dream journal and see if there are any patterns or recurring themes. If you're one of those people who avoids dealing with issues head-on, sometimes your brain tries to work on them when your conscious mind isn't able to avoid it.

 

One other thought....are you on any type of medication? Some medications can cause vivid dreams. There's a certain irony when we make a big deal out of something that can be traced back to a logical reason...like a side effect of medication we're taking.

[EpicOfAnguish]

Thank you for your insight. I will try looking for patterns from now on. I never really thought of doing that before. I wish more people would reply to this.

[Cynder]

I agree that maybe the young girl was a manifestation of your youthful side. I also think maybe your lusty musician friend was a manifestation of you too. There could be any number of reasons for this, I can't really make guesses about it because I don't know you personally, it's just the way I felt when I read this post. A lot of times strangers who make an impression on us in our dreams are manifestations of ourselves.

[Cynder]

I had another thought about this too. If I were you I wouldn't feel bad at all. Obviously you enjoyed it. Like Shes2smart said you can't control what happens in your head when you sleep. I think you should concider yourself lucky, I WISH I would have dreamt that, lol.

[11flower]

I am wondering whether the answers you've already been offered might not be just the answers you need. You sound frustrated to a degree.

 

Well, my first question is how is your love life with your husband? How is your intimacy as a whole? Is there something you feel insecure with to with anything? Is the love life fulfilling? Are there areas you guys need to bring to the table and look at and discuss that aren't part of your love life?

 

It sounds you're trying to work something really important to you out, and it's screaming at you, but it's maybe not what you think it is. As to the intensity, you know, doesn't everyone at one time or another in their lives have this sort of release?

 

I agree that dreams are all parts of ourselves and our minds are constantly working out stuff and solving problems. So when sleeping, the subconscious still is at work. It's interpreting all the data you take in day to day and comes up in symbols. Ok, we know this. So what do these symbols mean to you in your life? Some may be obvious; others not as. So watch for feelings and memories and stuff that comes up during your busy day. See if anything reminds you of the dream and compare the images with your emtions or reactions and even write these down.

 

I wouldn't worry about the eroticness of the dream at all. I wouldn't feel guilty that it wasn't your husband. I am wondering that well, again, there's an area between both you and husband that isn't being fulfilled; questions to answer; time for the next level between you two, and this will take some working out. But that's just my opinion and thoughts about it, because only you would know or be able to discover this if this were so.

 

Does any of this ring a bell?

 

11f.

[EpicOfAnguish]

Actually some of it does ring a bell. One of the few problems we have had is that we don't really have much sex. He doesn't kiss me that much either, and this person kissed me a lot.

[11flower]

Hi EOA,

 

Well, do you have a plan as to what you're gonna do about this now that you've pinpointed a possibility for why you had the dream?

 

11flower

[EpicOfAnguish]

I did talk to him about this. I didn't tell him about the dream though. Not because I want to be deceitful. I just think some things are better left unsaid. His explanation was that he is stressed out because he hates his job and has neglected some of his obligations to me.

[11flower]

I take that you guys haven't been married too long? Did your conversation lead to deeper understanding? I'm not getting this from you that you two went very deep in talking about it or having a heart to heart. But at least you've now got something to go on.

 

Had you known one another long before you got married?

 

It's really hard to walk around on eggs with the one you're married to. I mean, it's even harder when you don't feel trusted by or trust the one you're intending to spend the rest of your life as partner with.

 

It's imperative that you guys go deeper and be able to be as open and honest as possible, in case you're not yet doing this.

 

I hope you are getting more insight about this dream because it seems to be telling you quite a lot that it would help to pay attention to.

 

All the best to you as you keep on working on it.

 

11flower

[Empathy]

link removed

[EpicOfAnguish]

No we haven't been married long. We knew each other two years before we got married. I think our conversation was fine. Do you think I should have told him about the dream?

 

BTW, I was having tech problems other wise I would have replied a lot sooner to this.