So confused in the next steps

[Gummybear003]

I am feeling a little lost what to do in the next steps of my relationship.

 

I'm 24. I have been dating my BF26 for two years. We have had our ups and downs, in the past couple years. Nonetheless we are best friends and spend every day together.

 

When I first met my boyfriend, he had many financial issues, and was underemployed. Over the course of our two years. I have helped him find a better full time job that pays a few dollars more an hour. I have helped him save money, and together we got him 100% out of depth.

 

During this time, his family declared that they hate me and don't want me to be apart of their family. I am not welcome in their house. They are super racist and religious. They don't believe in interacial dating or marriage at all. All 8 members, have condemned us. It hurts terribly but I keep my distance and space from them. I am part of a tiny family, so I'm used to being by myself a lot.

 

At this point, my boyfriend has continued to stand up for me. He listens, makes time for me, takes me out of dates, treats me with love and respect. He has expressed many times he is saving money for an engagement ring. We have talked about our future in debt, as husband as wife.

 

My boyfriend though, does not really work with time frames. He lives in his childhood bedroom he shares with his 17 year old brother. He dosnt seem to have any solid plans to move out. When I ask him for a time frame, he refuses to give me one. He gets mad and says I am rushing him. He also gets mad and says I don't have enough faith in him to do things on his own. He has neurofibromitosis and has been diagnosed with learning disabilities throughout school. He has always had a fear or being inadequate or failing.

 

At this point, I don't know how long I will be waiting for my boyfriend to take the next steps in his life. I'm ready to move out and move forward. I want to look at places and I make enough to live on my own. However, while I love my BF, it makes me uncomfortable to do all the work and he just moves in. I have tried to break the process into chunks. Have him find a few places he is interested in. But he forgets and just dosnt seem motivated to move out at all.

 

I feel we've reached the roof in the relationship. Do I give up. Do I leave? Do I give him more time to mature? I don't want to leave him. It's just I feel he is stagnant and we are stagnant. I don't know how to move forward.

 

Thanks again for your help

[Wiseman2]

Unfortunately he is sort of like Peter Pan and does not want to grow up and be independent and responsible. His family sounds horrible...and yet he continues to live with them and be dependent on them and influenced by them.

I have been dating my BF26 for two years. He lives in his childhood bedroom he shares with his 17 year old brother. I make enough to live on my own. He dosnt seem to have any solid plans to move out.

his family declared that they hate me. I am not welcome in their house. They are super racist. They don't believe in interacial dating or marriage at all. he just dosnt seem motivated to move out at all.

[Clinton]

Love is never enough to sustain a relationship. It's a part of the foundation but only a part. You need sooooooo much more to make it long term. And the rest of the stuff just doesn't seem to be there.

 

Only you can decide but I'd move on.

[j.man]

You two seem to be at two completely different stages. You helped him organize his finances and recently get out of debt, so if it was as bad as you are implying it was, he's likely scared of making any big financial leaps right now such as moving out. Unfortunately, there's no telling when/if he'll be ready. If you're eager to settle down, I'd look for a man who's got much more of a footing and preferably one whose family won't despise you. Makes things a lot easier.

[Gummybear003]

Thank you all so so so much. I needed the honesty. I know that he is going to be terribly hurt and angry. His family will tell him "I told you so" But I need some kind of time frame and I want to start planning my future. He seems to

Understand the concept of love. But he has a very hard time understanding why I can't wait forever.

[SoulTaker]

Thank you all so so so much. I needed the honesty. I know that he is going to be terribly hurt and angry. His family will tell him "I told you so" But I need some kind of time frame and I want to start planning my future. He seems to

Understand the concept of love. But he has a very hard time understanding why I can't wait forever.

 

Gummybear, this is a lot more troubling then establishing some kind of "time frame". This person (bf) is directly connected to a racist family that hates you. It will not get better. He would have to separate himself from his family in order to be with you, and he has not shown the maturity, independence, and defiance to do so.

 

You cannot base your future on unproven assumptions. You will have to make your decision based on what is happening in the present.

[Asb682]

Sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders and a lot to offer. While I understand you love your boyfriend, I think it's time for you to go out and find a man, not a boy.

 

I also think his family is a bigger issue than you are letting on. If you get married and have children, are you ok with not having your children know there father's side of the family? Again they're only reason for not liking you is the color of your skin, I'd stay far away from them, and anyone associated with them.

 

You deserve better.