Explaining situation to others

[imsuperman]

So last week I officially backed out of a weekend trip that was coming up. It was due to intense fear of what would have been my first flight, and the resulting general anxiety and depression it caused. I was going to go with my cousin and him and I have been lifelong best friends basically.

 

I don't know if it's really aviophobia, agoraphobia, or both.It was basically destroying my life, so I just decided to get it off my plate and get help. My cousin said he understood, and he plans to either go alone or ask around, but I feel AWFUL in every way about it. I just couldn't get past it. My stomach hurt every day, I wasn't focused at work, I was depressed and beginning to have dark thoughts.

 

I went to the doctor last week and got on 50 mg of Zoloft daily. Last night was my fifth night taking it. It has caused some bruxism, I'm always cold, and I still have the anxiety symptoms of foot tapping and arm rubbing, and a general anxious feeling.

 

My question is: Unfortunately, I was dumb enough to tell maybe 7 or 8 people at work about my upcoming trip. My question is: How can I ever explain this to them when they ask about it without lying? I feel so embarrassed about my condition I could die. The trip was to be the weekend of Easter. I already feel impossibly awful, and I don't want to be made fun of or worried about.

[Cheetarah]

It's your mental health and you don't have to tell anyone about it. It's not their business(absolutely nothing to be ashamed of, it's just your health is not their business). You can just tell them it was cancelled. After all, it WAS cancelled - On your end.

[Cheetarah]

Oh..You may want to switch the timing you take it. When I first started Zoloft, it made me sleepy. That was great at night. Then after awhile it left me with a restless feeling. So I started taking it in the mornings, and was fine after awhile. It's going to take some weeks for the effects to kick in for you. If your anxiety is totally debilitating, you may be able to get something short term(like 2 weeks) to help. If you can deal with it, though - And it's the right medication for you - It will get better.

[milly007]

As Cheetarah suggested, just tell them something came up and you had to cancel. Something like, "Oh yeah, something came up and I had to cancel. Too bad, but these things happen. Maybe next time." Be firm, smile and then casually change the topic; this way they'll hopefully get the hint that you don't want them to pry for more information. After all, it's none of their business anyway and they shouldn't be prying.

[catfeeder]

Not a big deal. People rarely care about our stuff a fraction as much as we do, and it's only about a polite concern that we're happy. So skip the fretting. You don't need to mention it unless asked, and then you can just say, "The trip got cancelled." Then change the subject.

 

Plenty of people I know don't fly.

 

Consider making less rumination as your goal. Peace of mind is more of an inside job than about external circumstances. So when you make choices that are best for you, decide to keep peace with yourself about them by recognizing that they're nobody else's business beyond the people who are directly impacted.

 

In this case, your cousin is willing to avoid making a big deal about this and will shop around for someone else to go on the trip. Good. Focus on the good news about that--cousin loves you enough to avoid making you feel lousy--so don't make that your job.

 

In order to heal your anxiety and ascend into good mental practices, catch yourself from digging a deeper hole to climb out of. Most things are just not that important to other people, so question why you 'must' make them important enough to beat yourself up about.

 

Head high.

[treesandbees]

I wouldn't bother explaining it to your co workers, unless some of them are actual friends that you hang out with outside of work and they ask you about why you are no longer going, but if only work friendly with these people don't need to give or go into too much detail with them... it didn't pan out is all that is needed to say, why it didn't... isn't their concern if not close friends with you.

[imsuperman]

I don't know. People were so excited I was going. I feel like they'll see through me. No one just cancels a trip, you know?

[catfeeder]

I don't know. People were so excited I was going. I feel like they'll see through me. No one just cancels a trip, you know?

 

Plenty of people cancel trips all the time. "It got cancelled." Reasonable statement. An answer to, "Why, what happened?" can be, "When I know more, I can say more, but I'm okay with it, and thanks for asking."

 

It's not a lie. You don't know, exactly, why you hold the fears you do--other than that you're given to rumination. That's not something you need to share with coworkers. Your only job on the job is competence, and anything beyond that is optional and should only be shared when YOU believe it's in your own best interests to do that.

 

Head high, and talk yourself into peace with a perfectly valid decision rather than work yourself into a worse state. That doesn't serve you, and it doesn't solve anything.

[treesandbees]

@imsuperman - I have cancelled several trips for various reasons and lots of people knew I was planning the trips and I disappointed groups of people not going, but sometimes life sticks it to ya, you know and things get put on the back burner. I don't think you need to worry what the co workers will think on you cancelling, you have more than enough to deal with especially going on new meds, so remove the coworker worry off your plate. You can no longer go on your trip if they ask about it, and end the discussion at that, don't need to address it any further and they shouldn't push. How are you doing with your meds so far? Feeling any better..

[imsuperman]

@imsuperman - I have cancelled several trips for various reasons and lots of people knew I was planning the trips and I disappointed groups of people not going, but sometimes life sticks it to ya, you know and things get put on the back burner. I don't think you need to worry what the co workers will think on you cancelling, you have more than enough to deal with especially going on new meds, so remove the coworker worry off your plate. You can no longer go on your trip if they ask about it, and end the discussion at that, don't need to address it any further and they shouldn't push. How are you doing with your meds so far? Feeling any better..

 

It's supposed to take like a month for it to become therapeutic. I told only my one work buddy that the trip was off, I just said, "Something came up." So far no one else has asked.