Things are not perfect

[marley123]

My fiance of 3 years is telling me we need work at making our relationship how it used to be.He has told me he has a problem with us when I asked what the issue was he said.As to me we are fine we don't have any issues like cheating or excessive hobbies keeping us apart we both don't go out much with friends we are always together. His issue is he says I over react to certain issues and I moan to me I think It is stupid reasons as he can be very moody selfish overbearing but I put up with that .That's his character I take him as he is.I look a bigger issues if I thought there was a problem.should I take what he says as a big problem as to me most men say women moan and I may overreact but not in a crazy way lol.

[Krankor]

I would say get a few more "excessive" hobbies to keep you apart sometimes. It sounds as if you two are in each other's faces way too much. Also, why such a long engagement?

[marley123]

We both do the want to rush into marriage Yet.We do spend a lot of time together but no more than the normal.evenings weekends etc

[melancholy123]

Why are you engaged to a guy who is moody, selfish and overbearing? He sounds like a real boor.

[marley123]

He's not like that all the time which is my point everyone has some bad points about themselves you should take the good with bad .Unless things are really bad.

[notalady]

What are the kind of issues you "over react" about? And what do you moan about?

[redswim30]

My fiance of 3 years is telling me we need work at making our relationship how it used to be.He has told me he has a problem with us when I asked what the issue was he said.As to me we are fine we don't have any issues like cheating or excessive hobbies keeping us apart we both don't go out much with friends we are always together. His issue is he says I over react to certain issues and I moan to me I think It is stupid reasons as he can be very moody selfish overbearing but I put up with that .That's his character I take him as he is.I look a bigger issues if I thought there was a problem.should I take what he says as a big problem as to me most men say women moan and I may overreact but not in a crazy way lol.

 

I think you need to be more specific. Do you think you blow things out of proportion? Or do you think he's being overly sensitive?

 

Most couple have at least some issues, they don't always have to be on a grand scale for it still to be a problem.

 

Never spending time apart can be a problem. One person shouldn't be your whole world. You should do at least a few things apart.

 

Now to be fair to you, there's a danger in someone saying they want things the way they "used to be". Long term relationships change over time. They never and really shouldn't "stay the same". Neither one of you is going to be exactly the same person you are now 5-10 years from now. You will both evolve and change. Maybe pick up new hobbies, perspectives, meanings to your life. When you are married things will change over time, I promise you. ESPECIALLY if you have children.

 

I think there's a bit of a little red flag there. He needs to explain what he means by the "way things used to be". It may be harmless, but it also might signify that he isn't interested in the two of you growing and evolving together. That can become extremely problematic if not addressed.

[marley123]

If he accuses me of flying off the handle it's usually something like I've done something for him and he doesn't say thanks or just the way he has reacted to something I have done for him.If he says I moan it's usually about an issue like he's not making an effort or something he has done to upset me .I don't go out of my way to just moan about anything it's for a valid reason. We are older and already have kids from previous partners so kids are not an issue. He has told me he has ended very relationship he's been with and it makes me think is he just using an excuse to get out.

[marley123]

When he says we need to get on like we used to that was basically honeymoon period and when you have been together a while you get to know each other.I have had my issues with him too but not to the extent where now I feel I'm walking on eggshells because I think I'm the problem and I have to be perfect .Nobody is perfect I feel like me as I am or walk away that's my philosophy.