It Was Casual Sex

[tellyluvs]

I don't know what happened. I messed around with this guy once like 5 years ago, and he quickly sent a message after seeing I had an altercation with my ex here in my home town. He said dome stuff, I got his number, took awhile, but we had sex.

 

During oral he said "God I love this girl", which is excusable he hadn't had sex in a while. He was way nice, but he always is, even when my son woke up. The entire time he kept giving me "I want to kiss you" looks, but he didnt. After, he mentioned people thought he was going to go back to his bad boy ways, but he wanted to change. When I told him to leave through the side door, he was going to just leave, but he turned back and hugged me.

 

I guess he pushed a button, and he is avoiding sex with me. Like I hit him up for sex he said "lol y, I have work in the am" and more work in the am, but free the weekend. Now our convo are personal. He asked about my son, I brought up some stuff. Right now he said his grandma took his heating blanket, because I mentioned being cold. He said to get one or a dog...

 

What is going on? I know I am a bit rusty at casual sex, but I didn't think I was aweful at sex... Plus now I think I got the feelings bug. Help me!

[musicman777]

I don't understand what you are asking... but it sounds like you are having some kind of expectations from this guy. You had casual sex with him; that typically means "no strings attached". He can come and go as he pleases. You shouldn't have any attachment or expectations with this man.

[Capricorn3]

I don't know what you're asking either.

[nuttybuddy]

musicman said the exact thing i was thinking. what are you saying? your post is confusing.

 

i think you basically want to know if he's interested in you for more than just casual sex. but from your story, it sounds like you're more interested in him than he is interested in you. you said he was avoiding sex with you and he ask you "why?" when you wanted to have sex.

 

i think you're trying to believe that he's into you more than you're into him. but i think it's the other way around.

[catfeeder]

Why are you bringing men into your home for casual sex while your son is there?

[DoF]

He has 0 interest in a girl that sleeps around/gets around......

 

And you have a son? Shouldn't you be working hard to try to find a stable male figure? You will never accomplish that while you play around with little boys......OR when you get sexual with people without knowing them OR being in a relationship with them.

 

Also, you are doing HUGE disservice to your child by introducing ANY male figure to them.......do this once you are with someone for a year (at least). DO NOT introduce your son to anyone until you make sure they are fit to be a long term relationship material and a great man. ALL of which take LOTS of time.

 

ANY male figure = father figure by default to your child........

 

Time to smarten up IMO.

[IAmFCA]

He thinks it was a one time thing, casual at most. Is avoiding invitations to make sure he doesn't send you relationship vibes.

 

Even if I'm wrong, think about this: you are not getting what you want. Move on, and drop this guy completely.

 

Re son: I assume you feel like, How am I ever going to date if I have to keep my son out of it? You will. Please make it a priority to make it so your son doesn't know. He needs you and to know he has you all to himself. Make that a priority now, and he will have more security and trust in you. Your job as mom will be much easier later if you put that work in now.

[IAmFCA]

He has 0 interest in a girl that sleeps around/gets around......and that is frankly what you are.

 

And you have a son? Shouldn't you be working hard to try to find a stable male figure? You will never accomplish that while you play around with little boys......OR when you get sexual with people without knowing them OR being in a relationship with them.

 

Also, you are doing HUGE disservice to your child by introducing ANY male figure to them.......do this once you are with someone for a year (at least). DO NOT introduce your son to anyone until you make sure they are fit to be a long term relationship material and a great man. ALL of which take LOTS of time.

 

ANY male figure = father figure by default to your child........

 

Time to smarten up and get your crap together IMO.

 

and that is frankly what you are.

 

As is the man in this situation: and what of it? They both are fully dynamic individuals with many facets including casual sex. There is no help in reducing anyone to the small size of a single behavior. None of us could withstand that sort of reductive labeling, nor does it accurately represent any of us whether for good or for bad.

 

The task we have is, Is the OP in his or her own way? In this case, ys, she is. Because he isn't showing interest in her, so time to move on.

[surfdiva]

Honestly, I think you're reading too much into this. For him, it was a one time thing and nothing more. When you told him you were cold, he said to get a dog or a warm blanket. Ouch. Move on, he's not interested.

[tellyluvs]

Sorry, no I want to know if it is to late to set boudries, or I'd I should bail.

[tellyluvs]

He has 0 interest in a girl that sleeps around/gets around......

 

And you have a son? Shouldn't you be working hard to try to find a stable male figure? You will never accomplish that while you play around with little boys......OR when you get sexual with people without knowing them OR being in a relationship with them.

 

Also, you are doing HUGE disservice to your child by introducing ANY male figure to them.......do this once you are with someone for a year (at least). DO NOT introduce your son to anyone until you make sure they are fit to be a long term relationship material and a great man. ALL of which take LOTS of time.

 

ANY male figure = father figure by default to your child........

 

Time to smarten up IMO.

 

I just want to mess around, this guy is hardly relationship material. plus, it is to early to date, which is probably why I caught feelings.

 

You are assuming I am just letting random guys around my child. I just got out of a relationship with the father, it isn't time to replace him. As far as male figures, I have three brothers and a dad. Plus, his dad and other grandfather aren't dead. I am fairly certain my one year old is getting enough male role modeling.

 

I can also just have sex, even if it was just once, and a lot of wishful thinking. Being a mom doesn't make mean I have to become celibate. It doesn't make me bad mom for having random sex, while he is young. It's not like I have an endless parade of dudes in me. I also, don't have sex in front of him, dispite his dad wanting to when we were together.

[tellyluvs]

Why are you bringing men into your home for casual sex while your son is there?

Did I say that I bring random men into the home while my son is there? He has a dad... Also, if ever I did, I don't really think my one year old is going to get out of his bed and walk in on me having sex.

[tellyluvs]

musicman said the exact thing i was thinking. what are you saying? your post is confusing.

 

i think you basically want to know if he's interested in you for more than just casual sex. but from your story, it sounds like you're more interested in him than he is interested in you. you said he was avoiding sex with you and he ask you "why?" when you wanted to have sex.

 

i think you're trying to believe that he's into you more than you're into him. but i think it's the other way around.

I think I miss read some things.

 

Though I forgot to add what I wanted, it was late. I just wanted to know if I should bail, or try to get past the feels. I didn't really want an analysis of his feelings, I don't want him or I to have feelings. We are a very poor relationship match, but the sex is great. I would like to try to keep that. I am also feeling like it is time to give it up.

 

I am going to edit this, now that I am fully awake.

[reinventmyself]

I think I miss read some things.

 

Though I forgot to add what I wanted, it was late. I just wanted to know if I should bail, or try to get past the feels. I didn't really want an analysis of his feelings, I don't want him or I to have feelings. We are a very poor relationship match, but the sex is great. I would like to try to keep that. I am also feeling like it is time to give it up.

 

I am going to edit this, now that I am fully awake.

 

 

Bail or give up on what?

 

By the looks of it there is no offer on the table.

And further more, he doesn't seem interested.

 

It was a one time encounter. .nothing more, nothing less.

[tellyluvs]

I don't understand what you are asking... but it sounds like you are having some kind of expectations from this guy. You had casual sex with him; that typically means "no strings attached". He can come and go as he pleases. You shouldn't have any attachment or expectations with this man.

 

Sorry, I was very unclear, I don't have expectations other than he actually have sex with me. Since he was the one who wanted to be f buddies, his words. I may have miss read a couple of things, and that is why I typed that out. I am not trying to figure out if he wants a relationship, I have small feelings mail because he keeps changing it to real talk. I am trying to figure out if I should bail. The sex is great, but I am kind of feeling like I should cut ties.

[tellyluvs]

Bail or give up on what?

 

By the looks of it there is no offer on the table.

And further more, he doesn't seem interested.

 

It was a one time encounter. .nothing more, nothing less.

His words were we were f buddies. That is what is/was on the table. That is why I am asking. I thought it was going to be more than once, but it hasn't been. That is were I am confused. You guys are right it is coming off as a one deal. I should just let it go, replace the toys that I left with my ex, and self service for awhile.

[IAmFCA]

I say bail.

 

Easy sex is easy because you dont have to think about it. So, I'd say, given your goals, this guy is too much trouble with his more personalvconvo etc. Let him go find therapy elsewhere.

[catfeeder]

Did I say that I bring random men into the home while my son is there? He has a dad... Also, if ever I did, I don't really think my one year old is going to get out of his bed and walk in on me having sex.

 

I didn't use the work 'random,' and I was commenting on your recount of your son 'waking up'. That doesn't tell us whether he is 9 months or 9 years old.

[tellyluvs]

I didn't use the work 'random,' and I was commenting on your recount of your son 'waking up'. That doesn't tell us whether he is 9 months or 9 years old.

Oh, you are correct, I did put that. Sorry.

[catfeeder]

Oh, you are correct, I did put that. Sorry.

 

I'm still not clear what you're asking. How to get someone who's not interested beyond a one-time roll to change his mind and come over again to fool around?

 

I can't speak for you, but I know myself, and I bond when I have sex. I learned this when I was really young and tried to hook up with no strings. I realized that empty sex was a bore for me, yet wanting to see someone again afterward was pretty futile if I'd set myself up with guys who were only into empty sex.

 

So I stopped pretending and got honest with myself. I decided to actually get to know someone well enough to establish where he stands with me and where I want to stand with him--BEFORE hooking up. This put control back into my own hands. Either someone was willing to date me long enough for us to get to know and trust one another, or he wasn't a good match and I'd let him pass early.

 

You get to decide when you're ready to avoid playing roulette with guys who won't stick around. Sleeping first and asking questions later isn't a good way to land a repeat.

 

Head high.