Zero physical affection so far, but she says we're dating...

[Krankor]

This does sound like what she may be doing.

 

However... taking me to shop for furniture and then to watch an episode of something on tv... what are we, already 15 years into marriage and bored?

 

In fairness, she asked if she could come with me to shop for furniture. I was going to take her home afterwards and she was like "No, let's hang out at your place and order a pizza."

 

I should probably think of better dates, though.

[Krankor]

A few things:

 

I honestly don't believe that this is merely a rebound. I could be wrong, and obviously she is just getting out of a relationship, but it honestly wasn't much of a relationship and she doesn't seem to be treating it like a rebound. She's already introducing me to her kids, putting her touches on my place, telling people that we are dating, etc. That just doesn't seem like a rebound, exactly.

 

I know that she didn't exactly break up with her boyfriend for me. She'd been trying to leave him for a while, but would get guilted back into it. I did give her the final nudge she needed to get out of it. If we end up in a long term relationship, she'd probably try to talk to me like she tried to talk to her ex if she had problems. And if she tells me she wants to break up, then so be it. There are reasons why she wanted out of that relationship that hopefully won't exist with me. Nothing is written in stone that this is how she's always going to act.

 

I am fine with waiting and courting her. She is absolutely worth it to me. I just am paranoid about sliding off into the friendzone.

 

I have to say, I appreciate everyone's advice on this board. I appreciate anyone taking the time to comment and weigh in with their honest opinion, which is what I believe everyone has done. However, people have been wrong about her every step of the way so far. At first it was "She's not interested." Then she declared her interest in me. Then it was "She's just using you as someone to spend time with when her boyfriend isn't around. She isn't really interested and probably isn't going to ditch her boyfriend anytime soon." Then she broke up with her boyfriend and let me know right away. Now, it's still "She's not really interested, just rebounding." OK, maybe. Time hasn't sorted that one out yet. But I really think this is a unique situation where a lot of the normal "rules" don't apply. I could be wrong, but I'm hopeful with this woman. There's always a risk that you'll get hurt out in the dating world, no matter who it is.

 

By the way, I've been wrong about this situation every step of the way so far too.

[Krankor]

She is not smart. It takes good 3-6 months to heal/recover after long term relationship. Sometimes longer.......and during that time one shouldn't be even talking to opposite sex.

 

 

 

You were not stuck in anything. Don't play a victim. You are an adult and have a choice to leave. No one is holding a gun to your head.

 

Sorry, not an excuse.

 

And for a woman to pursuit a man that's involved and hasn't taken time to heal/recover = not smart. Any way you cut it.

 

NEITHER of you are smart, which is probably the reason why you are attracted to each other.

 

We attract who we are!

 

I suggest you take some time off from opposite sex, good 6 months and really reflect on yourself and most importantly LEARN from it. Once ready, start from scratch, NOT with this woman.

 

In a way I was stuck. I'm not trying to play the victim, just describe a situation. My ex moved in with me, then quit her job, so I ended up supporting her. I warned her over and over that she had become too dependent on me, that she needed to get a job and her own money because I wasn't sure if we were going to work out. Breaking up with her would essentially mean throwing her out onto the street with no money and no family nearby, which I was unwilling to do.

 

I did try to break up with her honorably more than once, but she basically just refused to accept it. She'd just stay and refuse to change any of the things that I complained about and keep making demands of me. Yes, I should have been stronger, but it was a very difficult situation and I really think she left me with no clean or honorable way out of the relationship. So, while a lot of it was my fault, and I shouldn't have let myself get into that situation, things aren't so black and white always.

[Krankor]

OK, as of today, there is physical affection and plenty of it. I'm good.

[IAmFCA]

OK, as of today, there is physical affection and plenty of it. I'm good.

 

YAY!

 

Now ramp up your dating ideas.

 

She invited herself to hang with you. She wants to be gf material.

 

 

[Krankor]

Thanks IThinkICan. She wants to go shopping for paint tomorrow but I will definitely take some of your suggestions for better dates, too.