My friend made me feel violated

[emilystyles199]

My friend and I were suppose to hang out in a group and something happened where they couldn't show up, so it was me and him. Ive told him from the beginning that I didn't like him like that and I don't want to date anyone,he said he understood and then he said "WE'LL SEE WHAT HAPPENS. like he thought I would change my mind, and at the time I just broken up with my boyfriend, but my ex and I have been talking again a lot the past few months/ seeing each other , but nothings official, but my ex and I are literally best friends.

 

Anyways my friend pays for my ticket, and I hate it when someone does that (males) because it makes it feel like a date, and that I have to owe them something. My body language is always closed off around him , but I noticed when we were hanging out alone, I just felt weird, like something wasn't right. Thats when I started wishing my friends could have come. He then asked me to be his valentine and I just laughed and was like ok, and then he gave me a gift! And that's when I started realizing he was into me way more than I thought. I always told him that I didn't want anything and he understood , apparently not.

 

Our parents are best friends so we go and are parents are hanging out together at my parents house. We decided to watch a movie and I made sure I was far away from him as possible. I felt like he kept looking at me, and then he decided to go home. When he was leaving he gave me along hug and started talking and looked at me , and I knew what he was going to do. I tried to swerve to give him a side hug but he kissed me! I don't think I kissed back at all I was in shock. I literally as fast as I could shut the door and ran to my room and thought I was going to throw up. I feel so gross and my lips feel weird, and I started crying. I know my ex and I aren't really a thing right now, but I was wishing he was the one who kissed me.

I don't find him attractive at all or even like him at all.

 

I texted the guy saying , I don't like you that way at all, and I don't want to be anything. I only view you as a friend.

 

He was like "That means a lot that you told me , but you shouldn't have kissed me then.

I DIDNT I WAS LITERALLY FROZEN.

 

What do I do. I literally feel sick. I want to cry. UGH. Should I even tell my ex this happened, he's literally one of my best friends . I don't know if I should wait until I know we are a thing or just not mention it. I just don't feel right.

[Snny]

When you guys were hanging out with friends... Was HE the one who told you about other people were coming? Or did other people back out? If he's the one who "organized" it and relayed messages to you, then it sounds like he lied to you just to get you alone.

 

This guy is an A*Hole. A sleazy A*Hole if he's trying to turn it around and said you kissed him. Nope nope nope don't ever trust a person like him anymore. He sounds like he would be the kind of person who may try to do something sexual on you without consent and say that "you brought it on" just to get away with his behavior.

 

BUT in his defense you knew all along, from the get go, that this guy had zero intentions on remaining your friend. You stayed in contact with him and he took it as you leading him on. Once a friend declares their feelings, that friendship is over. There is no going back.

 

You need to cut him for good. Block him from the phone and remove him from your social media. No more friendship- he crossed the line and can't take back what he did. THEN you tell your parents about it. If your daddy really loved his little girl, there will be hell to pay with this guy. No more having the dude and his family over.

 

Don't bring your ex into this mess. It's not his job to protect you anymore since you are not his girlfriend. You need to be the one to handle it like a big girl.

[emilystyles199]

I was the one who invited everyone else. My two friends accidentally went to the wrong place that was 35 minutes away (and I told them I didn't want them driving all that way back, and my other friend had some work to do (he regrets not going now)

 

I just never picked up on the signs until tonight. I told him about 4 months ago after he implied he like me more than a friend, although it was our first time meeting, because he moved back to the area and the moved again and comes home on the weekends. BUT in my defense after that he acted like he got the message and never made a move or implied anything. We talk occasionally and we have things to talk about, but I guess that means he thinks I like him. I never sit near him or give him the attention that I'm into him or anything. So I'm trying to figure out what made him think I wanted a kiss.

 

I told my mom already and understood how I felt and that I didn't feel good. His parents are really good people. and are parents are business partners and best friends.

 

I just want to like bleach my mouth.

[Hollyj]

Do not bring your parents or ex into this situation.

 

You tell this guy that he overstepped some major boundaries and to keep his distance. End of. Don't make this a bigger deal than it needs to be.

[emilystyles199]

Thanks, you're right

[emilystyles199]

My mom already knows as my brother saw him kiss me and told her. She knows how I feel, but I told the guy that it wasn't cool at all

[nuttybuddy]

what a dirtbag. he stole that kiss from you and he blames it on you. whatever. ignore him from now on. he doesn't deserve any more ounce of energy or thought. done.

[TMifune]

I don't think your friend kissing you should really be that big a deal. Set boundaries to ensure that it never happens again if you don't want it to happen again.

 

I think you need to address this obsession with your ex-bf though. It seems like you're super freaked out mostly because you're worried about how some guy you're not even dating is going to react From the outside the "friendship" with your ex-boyfriend doesn't seem like a healthy one.

[agent1607307371]

he's literally one of my best friends .

 

Does any of this sounds like something a friend would do?

 

The fact that he's saying you kissed him tells me that you need to cut all contact. Don't text, don't hang. Make something up if you don't want to tell other people what happened, but he's not a safe person for you to be around. When people get like that they will ignore what you tell them and read stuff into your actions that isn't there. You need to drop him now. He's not your friend. He's someone who was waiting to make a move on you.

[j.man]

I mean, unless he was grabbing your face and stopped you from pulling back, I think "violate" is a pretty strong word.

 

That said, I agree completely with agent. The guy's an ass. Not because of the kiss, but him trying to spin it as your idea after you'd expressed your misgivings about it. He's not your friend.

[emilystyles199]

Sorry the "Best friends thing" was me talking about how my ex and I are really good friends, and we've been talking to each other again / hanging out. I told my "friend" I didn't want to date him, regardless of my ex and I get back together or don't.

 

I am cutting contact. Im not responding or reaching out anymore.

[emilystyles199]

I couldn't really think of another word for it, because violate does seem too much, but thats how I felt. I literally just felt sick after it happened, maybe because I don't like him , I don't find him attractive , and all those gestures he did tonight freaked me out on top of it. I just felt weird.

 

It just pisses me off that he turned it on me , and then he was like "Okay. Lets be friends"

Like what the hell. I didn't respond.

[VioletsRPurple]

I think that REAL friends don't try to take advantage of your vulnerability, however, if he liked you and respected you while you were in a relationship, then made his move afterwards I think he was just taking his shot when he saw an opportunity (poor timing yes, lack of patience, yes). The thing that bothers me more is that you've sent out double messages (accepted the kiss without shock that he perceived; accepted him making you his valentine and the ticket and gift). To a guy that spells I'm accepting you.

 

Look I recently went out with a guy who wanted to pay for everything... I'd told him that I pay my own way and throughout the evening I found a way to do that. If he pays the ticket at the entrance I pay the dinner, or we fight over the cheque or I insist he take my $20 bill, but you don't let them get away with it. If he gives you a gift you don't want to mislead him then YOU DONT ACCEPT IT!!, give it back say thank you but NO. It is unfortunate your parents are friends but clearly you wanting to be "friendly" to keep the peace isn't working.

 

At this stage, my advice would be to write him a letter/email/ etc. explaining why you are uncomfortable around him AND apologize if your "stunned" responses left him with the impression something more was possible. Perhaps he has already gotten the message and is hurt (otherwise he would not have said you shouldn't have accepted his kiss). I'd also return his gift and offer to pay him back for the tickets... so he doesn't feel used.

 

If he persists then tell your parents that you and their friend's son have had a misunderstanding and that you would prefer not to be around if and when they visit with him, to avoid any further discomfort.

[Sportster2005]

Don't have anymore contact with him. He is not a friend. He is a man romantically interested in you, and it sounds like he always will be. It's not worth the frustration dealing with his unrequited feelings for you.