hello new here and have a very unique situation

[Sportster2005]

You're not really here for advice, your'e here for encouragement and to argue with anyone who threatens your fantasy. I think you're mind is made up. That's fine. But you're ignoring years and years of experience on here. Not just mine. But at a certain point you just have to let people make their own mistakes and let them learn from them. I find new imaginative ways to hurt myself. But I think chasing a lesbian fresh out of a relationship is something not even a rookie would attempt. Good luck.

 

I may be wrong. And for you I hope I am.

[chitown9]

My take on this is that you need to stop playing footsie with this woman and you need to start asking her some serious questions, such as, are you interested in women only, or are you interested in women or men, or are you interested in men only and the past relationship with a woman was a mistake or what? You need to find out exactly what her sexual orientation is and THEN, you need to find out if this woman is interested in you? You only need to know the second part of these questions if the first question is one that is compatible to an answer to the first part of these questions. If her answer is that she is bisexual, you need to be prepared to whether or not that is acceptable to you.

 

As far as saying that she needs x amount of time to get over her former relationship is debatable, really. We don't know the full circumstances of that relationship and for all we know she may have moved on from the relationship before it became official that it was over. In addition, people recover from these things at different time increments. I do not have the belief that a relationship with her is doomed because it was a recent breakup, but I do think it can be doomed depending upon the answer to the questions I have posed here.

 

You are wasting valuable time by not getting down to the nitty gritty as to her sexual orientation. chi

[faraday]

Chi- do you think if a gay man is interested in a straight man, he should quiz the straight (dating women) man to find out if he's bi?

[chitown9]

Chi- do you think if a gay man is interested in a straight man, he should quiz the straight (dating women) man to find out if he's bi?

 

It does not matter what I think. What matters is what exactly this woman's sexual orientation is. The only way the OP can get the answer to that question is to ask her.

[faraday]

It does not matter what I think. What matters is what exactly this woman's sexual orientation is. The only way the OP can get the answer to that question is to ask her.

 

I'm asking you because you told the op to ask this woman if she's bi. So I was curious if you think everyone's sexuality should be questioned, or just hers.

[Sarah691607309662]

You do not seem to ask for the advice, but rather for the feedback on what people think of how it will all go...

 

I think you fell for this girl for one reason or another (and probably the most precious thing would be for you to understand - why her?). I think, you need your experience with it. I hope you will learn your lesson. You know that The Lesson tend to return to us again and again if we do not learn it. Every time in more and more dramatic form. If I were you, I would think about my past r/s and ask myself - whether this girl is so clicked for you because she represents somehow unfinished business or unfinished lesson that you had to learn from the previous r/s?

 

From what you told here, it sounds to me that she is not passionately in it. She does understand it is the opportunity and she is not against it, but she is nowhere close to where you are. It is not about her dating guys or girls, it is about this connection and desire. It seems that she does not need you the same way you need her.

 

Would she be agreeable for sexual r/s? I'd say it is very possible, but I do not think it is going to last. Even if it would last, she would go for girls at some point.

[mygrlni]

Wow took me a minute to sink this in. I think most of the conversations are between the bunch of you which is fine I read both question-and-answer. But Sahara 69 I found yours the most interesting but just to let you know I dated all types now most married my last girlfriend but because of the military that was short-lived.

 

So the question is why would you have to do a background psych test on me to see why I'm going after a pretty girl that has a smart head on her shoulders and treats me with respect and cares about my feelings that had multiple conversations with this woman whether she's lesbian or not she's still always there for me and I her.

 

But to the answer to this post why is the psych test not be performed on a woman that doesn't like penises that is not a chemically matched scenario we are built or created to procreate and to extend the human race it's natural so deep down everybody has the genes that make some woman attracted to a man in a man attracted to a woman there so many hypothesis about what makes someone gay what makes someone lesbian I don't think there's any specific way our reason why someone turns to the other side. everybody's different than everybody in every way.

 

What makes one woman decides she likes another woman is not necessarily going to be the same scenario for a whole entire different couple .

 

So today and interesting scenario happened I pretty much got called out. I think it's some point in our conversation this morning she discovered a hint of jealousy and her stories that she had with her wild weekend on vacation of course it was with a friend of hers girl also and she basically caught me off guard so I sheepishly got quiet on her which is not something I normally do and she immediately recognized the problem she texts this morning-after conversation and knowing I got quiet asked me if I was okay. And that is where my honesty kicked in I pretty much poured my heart to her in a professional manner not like I can't live without you or any of that mess but I did tell her how special she was to me and that she was the most beautiful girl I have seen. She got quiet for a few minutes and sent me a message and said that she didn't know that's how I felt. Of course these are text messages so we can't get into a major detail so I went out and asked if she ever have thought about me in a dating scenario. To my surprise she said yes but of course it's no glass slipper anything miraculous she also said she's not ready. So during my honesty I slipped and told her I got a Valentine's Day gift for her. Of course there is a odd silence about 510 minutes later she she answers: well are you going to give it to me or not? So she's coming over tomorrow to come get her Valentine's Day gift and to say hello from coming back from vacation. If that's not someone who cares deep down I don't know what is. And maybe she has personal conflicts. Something happened in her past. maybe its my job to help her work through it if she wants my help of course. il see what happens tomorrow

 

to be continued ....

[youareworthy]

Dear Mygrlni,

 

I am glad you told her how you felt. I am glad she said she has considered you as a possible person to date.

 

Notice she reiterated that she isn't ready. PLEASE don't let your interest in her stop you from respecting her words! She may be interested, but she is still telling you it is too soon. You have got to honor that.

 

Take it slowly. Rushing her will destroy this forever. I know that from painful experience.

 

Youareworthy

[Sarah691607309662]

Of course she is beautiful and smart and all that, that is how we all feel when we fall for someone. But we all tend to have patterns and those patterns tell about us a lot and mostly point out on how the ext story (if it fits the pattern) will go. You mentioned that you had been attracted mostly to unavailable women (married). Or the one who was in military (short lived). Falling for lesbian is fine as long as you accept open r/s. Also it is perfectly fine if you do not look for anything long term.

 

The story about gift does not show to me that she is in love with you. She does care about you as a friend. Usually if "in love" did not happen from the get go, it does not happen. She knows that she "has you". The reason why she said she will come the gift could be very well her understanding that if she refuses, she will lose you and she is not ready for that. But if she had a crush on you, she would appear on your doorstep the first thing from her vacation and she would bring to you a token from her travels.

[mygrlni]

Just wanted to pop in here and tell you guys that we are going to Chicago in three weeks to kick it around town I don't know what it all means yet but she's definitely relating with me. Today I helped her wax and buffer new-car and we had a good time

[youareworthy]

Sounds fun! I like detailing cars. Reminds me of my high school love.

 

Chicago is a great city! Terrific architecture (both commercial and residential), great food, and that gorgeous lake. Make sure you take in some Comedy Sports (comic improv). I have never laughed more in my life (and I laugh a lot!) than when I saw a comedy sports show in Chicago. Chicago is a hotbed for great comedy acts. And the people of Chicago are fun and down-to-earth! You are so lucky to be going there.

 

Youareworthy