I feel Hopeless in this situation, please give me Advice

[WoundedRose90]

To make a long story short. The father of my Unborn baby, left me when I was 9 weeks pregnant to follow up a Job 6 hours away. He ended up living with his mother, and started a relationship within 3 weeks of leaving. I found out about the new girl byway of Facebook. I confronted him, and he told me that he was single now and that he may think about getting back together later. This tore me apart and caused me so much grief.

 

Fast forward, after 3 months of not speaking to him, he contacts my Mother on Facebook and asks about how I'm doing. My mom never responded(she hates his guts). So he inboxed her again a week later and says he needs to speak with me. Agai . My mom didn't respond. So a month went by and I decided to just inbox him and see what he wanted. We had a brief , dry conversation and I cut it short. I told him about the progress of the baby and that i was doing well, and he said he'd like to go to the next appointment with me. He told me "We need to converse Face to Face".

 

Now he returned from living with his mom 6 hrs away, a month ago. Up until now, its been 3 months since we spoke to each other. He now lives back in our town, I'm assuming with another female that he's moved in with, close by. He has been here about 5 times knocking at my door, but I never answer.

 

So when I got that message yesterday on Facebook that we need to converse Face to Face, it scared me. I feel as though he wants to torture and hurt me even more, for cutting contact with him for months. I afraid of what he might say if I did see him face to face. A small part of me wants him to tell me he's sorry, and wants me back. But i'm so SCARED that it won't be the outcome. I have a gut feeling he is seeing another woman, but I don't have any proof.

 

I don't know what he could possibly want to talk about face to face, that we could not talk about on Facebook? He's never seen me pregnant, could it be that he wants to see my belly? I'm just so torn up about this. I never got an apology on why he dumped me early in my Pregnancy, no explanation..nothing. I'm afraid he will make this into a "Business" like meeting, which I don't mind, but I am still not emotionally healed to be rejected once AGAIN!

 

Please tell me what I should do...I'm scared

[mhowe]

He doesn't want to torture or hurt you. Unfortunately, he is the father of the child. And you will have to interact with him for years to come.

 

He isn't going to apologize. That generally doesn't happen during a break up.

 

He is likely going to assert his rights to custody, visitation, etc.

Whether he is seeing someone else doesn't really matter. He has made it clear he will not be your partner.

 

You should expect a "business" meeting and let him know his financial obligations.

[ParisPaulette]

I'm sorry this is happening. I agree with mhowe. OR he is hoping you'll agree to be his side woman, but this is where you have to tell him that while he has financial obligations to the baby you do not want him back. And trust me, you don't even if you think you do right now. Someone who would leave a pregnant woman and their unborn child is not someone who will ever make a good partner unless maybe years down the line, life b-slapping him over and over a few times, AND maybe some therapy he changes. But that's well in the future, we're talking years, if ever.

 

As to whether or not he'll be a good dad, that's a different story. It may also be his girlfriend is urging him to be more involved with the baby or perhaps she dumped him if she found out about you and realized what it reveals about his character. Or maybe he wants to terminate parental rights or have your blessing to not hold him to any obligation. Who knows.

 

Look, if you don't feel strong enough don't meet. Go get an attorney, which you should have done in the first place when he left you, and tell him that child support and visitation will be decided by the courts, but that there is nothing to "talk" about since he made his own bed. OR that he can meet you with your mom and family and friends and whatever he has to say can be said to all of you. Have them there for support.

 

I'm sorry, but you need to think of you and your child's well-being first and a selfish guy who runs out and abandons his family is not someone you can probably ever trust where you're concerned. Make sure he is kept to his duties as a father and beyond that you'd be really smart to never trust this guy again. I'm sorry, guys who go around making people into "baby mommas" are generally not the cream of the crop.

 

In the end you will do better if you just have the baby, lean on your family and friends for support, then in the future when you've recovered find someone more suited to the role of lifetime partner. This one isn't it.

[Lightattheend1]

This kinda happened to me.

[Lightattheend1]

This kinda happened to me...but after the baby was born. I had cancer...he had a new chick. So he threw me and the baby iut...at night in the rain...in HIS city.

 

It was a hard thing at first...but it was a blessing in disguise.

 

It took 3.5 years to get child support. At first...he tried to string me slong...so I wouldn't file.

 

My advicce...don't trust him. He's a liar. Left you and the baby. When the baby is born...he will do it to your child too. Now he wants to come around when it us convenient for him.

 

If you don't gave money for an attorney...try legal aid.

 

Seek support and custody as soon as you can. I did through both the courts and thru the state child support services.

 

Get everything in writing.

 

I know it is hard...but try to not close yourself off to another relationship. I did...for too long.

 

He also doesn't need to be coming around your place. Because he now feels up to it. I'd have someone new answer and tell him to get lost or get a no trespass.

 

I think he probably wants to keep you on the side so he doesn't have to pay support.

 

Best if luck.

 

Your new love in your life is your child.

[thejigsup]

You will never NOT see him. He is the father of your child and he will be a part of your life for a long, long, time. After the baby is born it will be illegal for you to deny him visitation of his child as long as he is not deemed a danger to the child and pays his child support . Meet him and try to develop a civil relationship with him, even if you want to punch him in the face.

[WoundedRose90]

Thank you Lightattheend1...this message just gave me so much strength. I think I can go on.

[Lightattheend1]

Aw. I'm glad. It was sooo hard for me. It delayed my cancer treatment when I had to move. Plus...with surgery and things...it was hard financially. I had to have someone be with my newborn. Some of my family was helpful. The bio person never sent money...diapers...etc. But did claim us on his taxes as dependents. He told me to tell the child he was dead. I was sad I could have ever cared for someone like that. My child was also born with a birth defect that required surgery. Not even a peep from bio or his family on how the baby came thru.

 

BTW...I got pregnant on fertility pills. Thus was supposed to be something he wanted. We first met as teens...I knew..or thought I knew him...a long time. It broke my heart.

 

But....Be thankful you aren't with this man. He cheats...lies...and does what he pleases. I am so glad mine went along. BTW...just because someone pays support does not give them a right to see or visit with the child. Support and custody are separate issues. Also...mine refused to sign parentage...these are things to consider. I'm not saying deny parenting time at all. Good male role models are important . But I'd be very cautious.

 

Please don't feel hopeless. Wake up and say...thank you!!!!!!!!