icantgiveup Posted January 7, 2016 Share Posted January 7, 2016 So it's been 6 months since my ex left me , she wasn't over her ex fully after nearly a year with me She was torn about decision and was hard on both of us , I told her not to contact me unless she wanted to try again .... we haven't spoken since that day , pretty clear message right . She said that maybe one day we could male it work , she was pretty messed up and was carrying a fair bit of emotional baggage . Anyway it'd been 6 months and I feel much better,although I am feeling like I would like to send her some flowers on valentines day which is a month away (bit early I know) just saying happy valentines day , thinking of you sort of thing . I don't want to hear form her as such , I just want to let her know im thinking of her and it will make her think about me Thoughts..... ? Link to comment
melancholy123 Posted January 7, 2016 Share Posted January 7, 2016 I say dont do it. You've moved on as has she, dont ruin your successful healing and have to start over. Link to comment
Movingforward3 Posted January 7, 2016 Share Posted January 7, 2016 I am at 6 months, too. Opening yourself up sets you up for rejection and triggers old feelings. She will contact you if she changes her mind Link to comment
shessofly Posted January 7, 2016 Share Posted January 7, 2016 I would advise against sending her flowers for valentine's day. She may find it odd that after 6 months you sending her flowers and being out of contact with her, you don't know if she's seeing someone or whatever... You are doing well and should resist this urge and continue on your path. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted January 7, 2016 Share Posted January 7, 2016 Of course, you want to hear from her. It is soooooooo obvious! Honestly, I think it will look a bit desperate and sad, if you do. She loves her boyfriend. I don't understand why you would send someone flowers who dumped you for another. Don't you think that it is time to move on to someone who isn't in love with another. Link to comment
icantgiveup Posted January 7, 2016 Author Share Posted January 7, 2016 I am not surprised at any of the responses ,but ! While my head is nodding along with you all my heart isn't And yes I do want to hear from her but not from this gesture , I want to feel im setting things up for the future , by just giving her a little gesture on the day that it seem acceptable to do so (valentines day) it will just let her know I still Care about her even after all this time There is no way I would just have her back if she wanted to but I don't want her to think I have moved on and I think now low contact could be the foundations of a possible future especially now we have had some serious space I also know she wasn't happy with her ex that's why she left him but she still gave her self no time at all to get over it ( we got together strait aay) and it all hit her a few months later and she got a bit overwhelmed Link to comment
mhowe Posted January 7, 2016 Share Posted January 7, 2016 You are setting yourself up as a patsy. She has moved on. Sending someone anything on Valentines day when you are an EX---- comes across as clueless. Link to comment
icantgiveup Posted January 7, 2016 Author Share Posted January 7, 2016 While I do agree with everyone to an extent i don't see what I have to lose , if she doesn't say anything it's bussiness as usual and maybe some disspointment and some staring into the sky wondering what she thought of my gesture If she does reply it could be the start of some low contact , I understand the potential for being upset from having contact or even meeting her but her telling me things in don't want to her but I do care about her enough to try and go through that . It will never be as bad as the initial break up I think it shows her I really do care and plants future potential in months or even years from now Link to comment
mhowe Posted January 7, 2016 Share Posted January 7, 2016 If you don't want advice...don't take it. You are going to do whatever you please. It show that you don't listen. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted January 8, 2016 Share Posted January 8, 2016 While I do agree with everyone to an extent i don't see what I have to lose , if she doesn't say anything it's bussiness as usual and maybe some disspointment and some staring into the sky wondering what she thought of my gesture If she does reply it could be the start of some low contact , I understand the potential for being upset from having contact or even meeting her but her telling me things in don't want to her but I do care about her enough to try and go through that . It will never be as bad as the initial break up I think it shows her I really do care and plants future potential in months or even years from now I think it sets you up to be a doormat. I wouldn't have respect for a guy that returned, after I had dumped him for another. It sounds like you have low self esteem. Don't understand why you came here for advice. Link to comment
spiritx Posted January 8, 2016 Share Posted January 8, 2016 valentines flowers are too strong of a gesture for someone who hasnt spoken to you at all in 6 months. she will probably have her ego boosted so highly and feel youre begging for her back. if youre really trying to talk to her then we can come up with something more realistic Link to comment
Hollyj Posted January 8, 2016 Share Posted January 8, 2016 valentines flowers are too strong of a gesture for someone who hasnt spoken to you at all in 6 months. Any flowers are inappropriate, when she has a boyfriend. Link to comment
IAmFCA Posted January 8, 2016 Share Posted January 8, 2016 Sometimes what one person thinks is nice another person finds intrusive. If I have not communicated with you for months on end, I do not want to look at a vase of flowers from you. I would find flowers uncomfortable. A letter, a small token gift that comes by mail, something modest that does not beg to take center stage - appropriate and respectful. Link to comment
icantgiveup Posted January 8, 2016 Author Share Posted January 8, 2016 I think it sets you up to be a doormat. I wouldn't have respect for a guy that returned, after I had dumped him for another. It sounds like you have low self esteem. Don't understand why you came here for advice. While I don't think I will do it now I can assure you loving someone and wanting to show doesn't mean you have low self esteem and I don't rember saying she left me for someone else. .... I don't want to reach out to her still but I do feel flowers might br a little much Link to comment
boltnrun Posted January 8, 2016 Share Posted January 8, 2016 Your last communication to her was for her to contact you if she wanted to get back together. So, has she contacted you asking to get back together? Link to comment
Hollyj Posted January 9, 2016 Share Posted January 9, 2016 While I don't think I will do it now I can assure you loving someone and wanting to show doesn't mean you have low self esteem and I don't rember saying she left me for someone else. .... I don't want to reach out to her still but I do feel flowers might br a little much My mistake. BUT, she is still in love with the ex, right?? If she didn't fall for you in a year's time, she never will. I see that you asked about her twice (her best friend) within the same week, three months back- while on a date. UGH! Now, we know that that the friend told her about the convo. Now, don't you think that if she had an ounce of interest, she would have made some contact? What are you not getting? Link to comment
Tom1990 Posted January 9, 2016 Share Posted January 9, 2016 I'm glad to hear that you know better, even though your "heart" is screaming at you to hold out hope. Now might be the time to tell your heart to shut up. It's leading you astray, it's lying to you, it thinks it knows better. But YOU know better. Not your heart. Try telling your heart to shut up, that you got this, that you know best. Otherwise you know darn well that your heart is leading you to a world of heartbreak, all over again. Link to comment
BeHeard Posted January 9, 2016 Share Posted January 9, 2016 Only you can answer if you can throw away 6 months of work. If you think that you can handle the aftermath of possibly no response, then you are right, you have nothing to lose. I don't believe we ever really stop loving people, nor do I think we should. It's just they go in different love "drawers" in our mind and we close them. If you accept that, then reach out. But I do think that sending a text on Valentine's Days carries a loaded message. Why not just leave it for another day or holiday? Sometimes just a hello out of the blue is more delightful to receive! Link to comment
icantgiveup Posted January 9, 2016 Author Share Posted January 9, 2016 There head and heart battle is a relentless and ongoing thing . I think the festive period is what has set these feelings off ......... I do agree that doing anything specifically on valentines day might be a little much , and I'm sure by then il be really uninterested like I was before Christmas I guess I just find it hard to accept she hasn't contacted me at all Link to comment
IAmFCA Posted January 9, 2016 Share Posted January 9, 2016 There head and heart battle is a relentless and ongoing thing . I think the festive period is what has set these feelings off ......... I do agree that doing anything specifically on valentines day might be a little much , and I'm sure by then il be really uninterested like I was before Christmas I guess I just find it hard to accept she hasn't contacted me at all You nailed it. That's exactly right. If you ignore your impulses you can ride this out. Link to comment
icantgiveup Posted January 9, 2016 Author Share Posted January 9, 2016 It doesn't help that when I first broke up with her I read all sorts or story's where people got back together against all the odds and guys sent their exs letter and they managed to rebuild it all And I think I want that to be me , everything grows from something small and while it didn't work the first time I would hope if she had finally moved on from her ex it would work The issue is they've ere on off for 12 years and they have only been split up about a year , stayed in low contact even through our r/s . Link to comment
patterned Posted January 9, 2016 Share Posted January 9, 2016 She's not that special. She's just a person. Time to take her off of that pedestal. Link to comment
icantgiveup Posted January 9, 2016 Author Share Posted January 9, 2016 Shes well off the pedestal and all that stuff . And trust me thete was pleanty of things that were bad about her . She was a poor communicator, always late ,very indecisive to name a few But there is something I love about her ..... funny old situation really . So far I life I've been very successful in all ventures I have embarked on . But not this one ... Link to comment
JohnSmith1987 Posted January 9, 2016 Share Posted January 9, 2016 Don't listen to these people. Michael Jordan was cut from his JV basketball team... Can you imagine how many people called him crazy when he said he wanted to go to the NBA?? If you want something bad enough, you gotta fight for it. No one is immune to flattery, and emotions are NEVER permanent. You may send her flowers and she'll ignore you. You may send her another gift, and ignore. You text and call, but to no avail. Then one day, something just clicks in her, and she decides to reach out to you. This is exactly what happened to me, and now my ex is breaking the no contact I set on her. I'm not gauranteeing success by any stretch, and odds are both of us won't end up with our gals, but here is the real question "Will you regret more sending her flowers and no response or not sending them at all and never knowing?" I find the things we regret most in life are the things we don't do. Make sure you want it bad enough, then send her the flowers. If that doesn't work, keep trying (new things of course) until you get her to talk. There's no halfway in this. You either walk back to the car or you grit your teeth and climb this everest! Link to comment
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