haven't spoken to my ex for 6 months

[JohnSmith1987]

I completely agree we all need a period of no contact to get ourselves back in order, but the time varies. Our man here has done 6 months, and he told her not to contact him. He has taken more than enough time to reflect and figure out what he wants, so if he still wants her I say at least try. The two have their obvious differences, but there are also a lot of similarities between courting someone for the first time and reconciliation. Sometimes there is instant attraction between people, and other times it takes years to develop. I think reconciliation works the same way. I didn't talk to one of my exes for four months after breaking things off, called her out of the blue one day, and we started dating again within the week. I've heard stories on the other end of the spectrum, where it took the ex years of slow but steady courting to prove it's worth another shot. Had I not reached out to my ex, I doubt we'd have gotten back together. I don't think every person will reach back out to their ex, whether they're the dumper or dumpee, if they want reconciliation. And they may not even think about reconciliation until there is steady communication and attraction is rebuilt. We simply don't know until we take a risk. And even if one does reconcile, it doesn't gaurantee a happy ending. But neither does dating someone for the first time. Any step into romance is risky.

[kbbcoop77]

The goal is to get to indifference so if you feel the urge to reach out to an ex it won't hurt. If it doesn't hurt to ask about trying again then sure no pain no gain. My advice is solely to keep the OP from tearing open a healing wound. I've been there and always feel worse the day after..a "come down" from a nice chat or whatever. So if it doesn't hurt then more power to anyone who wants to try...!

[SURPRISE]

The one thing I have learned through my first major relationship is that at over one year dating when she pulled away from me, I should have never looked back. It doesn't matter the reason. We want people in our lives that will be there through hard times, not turn away. 9 months after splitting up, I foolishly called on her birthday because I still loved her. She came over crying and wanted me back telling me she was sorry for everything and she loved and missed me (everything I had dreamed of happening). We dated for a little over 3 years more and got married. 3 years in to the marriage she decided that I was not what she wanted, found someone else and we got divorced. It wasn't like we fought all the time, she just could not find someone that she felt was better then me at the time so in her mind, she thought she had settled. The point here is that often people walk away because they have doubts or issues. If they can't find someone they like more then you, they might be back, but do you really want that? They will tell you they need time, or some other excuse, but truth of the matter is that they have doubts. When a person is right for you they won't risk losing you.

[relbell]

I sure wish my ex would have done this for me. I haven't given up on my ex...It really depends on the person. I would love the gesture, but others may think it is desperate. Although, I am not looking for a relationship with anyone and I would not consider being in a relationship with anyone else unless it was with him. It would take a very special man to change my mind about not wanting to wait for my ex to come back, or it would take finding out that he had moved on for me to truly say goodbye. I still try to do things in my life and become independent of him now because we aren't together.

[Sportster2005]

You're lying to yourself. Nobody sends flowers without an agenda. You're healing well, leave it alone.

[icantgiveup]

Well with life going back to normal after the festive period it had totaly gone firm my mind that I had posted on here and I do t quite know what Christmas did to me but I set me back

 

I'm much more back to the place I was in before Christmas, not rrally thinking of my ex or feeling overly bothered by her

 

While I do still hold some love for her I haven't reached out and don't know if I will , I feel like perhaps in the future something will bring us in to communication. ....

 

With regard to the "agenda" comment , of course there was an agenda - future reconsiliation. ...

[JustPeachy111]

You know what? Neither "side" is going to be right. I've had an ex come back, where I was like "Ugh ewww! Haha, No way!" And I've had an ex back, that I dumped, where I was secretly hoping he'd come back. I wasn't pining over another guy/ex (like your ex is) though, I was pining after him. My advice, don't send flowers if you want to reach out, send a simple text, see if she responds. She may not respond for a day or 2.

[Capricorn3]

With regard to the "agenda" comment , of course there was an agenda - future reconsiliation. ...

In that case, then you need reminding of your own words..."I told her not to contact me unless she wanted to try again ...". Until that happens, then you should stay full NC. The ball is in HER court. This will come down to HER decision/choice and it seems so far, she is showing zero interest in reconciliation.

[Ms Darcy]

In that case, then you need reminding of your own words..."I told her not to contact me unless she wanted to try again ...". Until that happens, then you should stay full NC. The ball is in HER court. This will come down to HER decision/choice and it seems so far, she is showing zero interest in reconciliation.

 

I agree. She knows you want to get back together (you told her not to contact you unless she did.)

 

If you do contact her, just be honest and say that you want to try one more time so you can give yourself closure.