I'm feeling down. I need encouragement/advice.

[EricEnso]

Hey everyone. I've been in a bit of a slump since Christmas. My girlfriend broke up with me two months ago. She called it off because she had a lot of personal issues to deal with and was in no room for a relationship. Since then I've been trying to focus more on myself. She texted me two weeks after the breakup and apologized for hurting me. She told me that she cares about me and still wants me to be in her life, though she understands now would not be a good time. Since then I've been initiating NC. Although I've been doing everything that I can to keep myself distracted (work, gym, books, friends), my thoughts always drift back to her. I cannot appreciate the hobbies that I once enjoyed. I feel incredibly lonely, even when I'm surrounded by friends. Before I met my ex, I was comfortable being alone and appreciated social gatherings with friends. Everything feels like a blur to me now. I cannot live in the moment and appreciate what I have. Although I love my friends, I feel bad because my mind is always drifting away when I'm talking to them. It feels as though I'm constantly surrounded by a veil of negative emotions.

 

I am very convinced that my ex was not a good fit for me. She was physically attractive, but she lacked the patience, empathy, and kindness of a good partner. I would even go as far to say that she is a cold person. I cared about her so much, and I always went out of my way to make her happy. She constantly told me during the relationship that I deserved a girl who will treat me as well I as treated her. I feel so heartbroken right now. I knew she was not the one for me, but I can't seem to get her out of my mind. I miss the affection and level of intimacy that comes with a relationship. I lost my best friend, and I feel as though I will never meet anyone ever again because it took me forever to find this one. I was so happy, confident, and independent before I met this girl. Why can't I feel that way anymore? I just want these negative emotions to go away and be myself again. Any advice or words of encouragement would be much appreciated.

[baloney]

I would like you to know that things will pass no matter how heavy or no matter what you are dealing with right now... In time, you will heal, you will remember this person just as part of your history... You will notice that your heart is not aching while you remember or think of her...Just give it time, let your heart feels that way, for one day things will change and you will feel that you are over it.

 

My heart goes to you.

[Krankor]

OK, well you know that your ex wasn't a good fit for you, and you aren't trying to win her back: That's good, and it's good to try to think about the positives. Realize that this opens up new possibilities for you and your life and be glad that you aren't wasting your time in the wrong relationship anymore.

 

However, it's also OK to feel sad. Give yourself permission to feel sad, just don't let it overwhelm your entire life. For example, when you are at the gym and your thoughts are drifting towards her, tell yourself: "After I shower and get in my car, I can sit and think about this and be sad about it. But right now I need to nail this workout." Same thing for at work, etc. Hobbies, reading, etc are tough because you are down, so it's natural that you are going to have less interest in those things right now. If you manage to get into a book or a hobby and can find some distraction, great, but I wouldn't try to force it. The more you get over it, the more you'll be interested in those things again. Set aside times in your day to be sad, and, as time goes on, you'll find you need to do it less and less. That's better than stuffing those feelings down, then having them resurface in two years in your next relationship.

[dave_1966]

Nice of your ex to text you to vomit her guilt down your front, metaphorically speaking. They normally do that for purely selfish needs after they've met someone new. You will feel happy and confident again, but it will involve ceasing all contact with your ex by blocking her on your phone, FB, email etc. Only then will you start to heal and get back to your normal self.

[Smidgeon]

Nice of your ex to text you to vomit her guilt down your front, metaphorically speaking. They normally do that for purely selfish needs after they've met someone new. You will feel happy and confident again, but it will involve ceasing all contact with your ex by blocking her on your phone, FB, email etc. Only then will you start to heal and get back to your normal self.

 

 

This ^

I too felt very lonely between 2-3 months as reality dawned. Even though I allowed my ex to wander in and out of my life the loneliness was palpable.

Now, at 4 months I've cut him off, feel empowered, and also don't feel the need to be involved with anyone. I've worked through it and from now on I come first. Id rather be alone than go through all that again and to be fair my ex wasn't worth the pain of it. Not even close.

[Allycat780]

I understand the feelings expressed here because sometimes I wonder how I got to this place Before I met my ex-bf I was happy and independent and used to wonder how anyone could be so smitten with another person. Now I too feel like I have lost my best friend and I can't seem to get back to being happy. Every day is a struggle.

[EricEnso]

Thanks for all the support everyone! Work kept me busy today, though I was still constantly thinking about her. She texted me yesterday after five weeks of NC. She said she's been wondering about me since last month and wanted to know how I was doing. I didn't respond to her because she said she would understand if I don't want to speak with her. She was just worried about me and wanted to make sure I was okay. I feel like a cold person for not responding. This girl has been my best friend for nearly two years and I tried to treat her as well as I possibly could. As much as I care about her, I cannot talk to her after all the pain she has caused me. And beside, there's not much I can say aside from the fact that I'm struggling from day to day. It does feel weird to walk away from someone who once shared so much with you though.. but it needs to be done.