Losing my mind

[mephesto56]

My ex and I were together for 2 years. We had something really meaningful together. On the first day of senior year, he broke up with me for no apparent reason. It has been 6 months and I am still in love with him. We are still close friends, and we still maintain a physical relationship. I know it is wrong but we can't help it. But I have been very depressed since our official relationship ended. I have tried to talk to him about it but he refuses to go back out with me, he absolutely refuses. I don't understand why. I never did him any wrong, and I have always been loyal to him. I put up with a lot of crap from him, and he knows that too. We hang out so often, and talk on the phone, and have a physical relationship, so I don't know why he won't go out with me. I know that he has pretty much everything a girlfriend would be without the responsibility, but I am scared to break that part of it off as a ultamatum, because I am scared he will walk away. Senior year has been hell for me, and professional help did not help me. I am writing him one final letter to ask him to be with me, but I doubt he will be affected. I knonw there are plenty of other good guys, but I don't want any of them!

[arwen]

Hey mephesto,

 

I have been where you are now with your ex. Exactly the same kind of attitude from his side: he just wanted the good things (sex, talking, etc.) but not a commitment. I won't bore you with the details, I broke up with him after I spend half a year studying abroad. Being on my own, I realized I was much happier without the constant worry if I would lose him.

 

You are putting up with a lot, because you don't want to lose him. But you don't have a commitment, and I doubt he will ever fully commit. I think this letter is a good idea. Of course you will risk losing him, but what's to lose? You don't have a real relationship now, and if he doesn't want that, chances are that he never will. It's quite easy for him to sleep with you and enjoy your presense etc. If he would really love you, I think it wouldn't be such a problem to just commit.

 

I know you are scared. But this letter is saying you are done in putting up with this crap, this is making you unhappy. If you lose him, you will have yourself back, believe me. You deserve a guy that will commit. As long as that guy doesn't show up, you will be happy just being by yourself.

 

Ilse.

[lilsmc]

Girl, I have been in that situation too. WHen my ex broke up with me about 5 months ago, I was soo upset mostly to the fact that he never really gave me a straight answer as to why he was breaking up with me. That is actually what hurt me the most, not knowing exactly why he was choosing to do this. I tried to get back with him two times ( wrote him letters, Called him ) But none of it worked. He was stuck on the decision that it was over and that nothing would change his mind. So i really think that whatever you do, nothing will change your ex boyfriends decision. And you should also stop having sex with him because you think that by doing this, he's going to want you back, and at the end it will only hurt more. The best thing to do to get over him, is to just completely stop talking to him. Let a few months go by and you will notice that you will miss him less and less each time. TRUST ME!!! It was a little harder for me, because my ex lives down the block from me and i see him often, which still bothers me a little bit. But i dont let it get to me because me and him are done. Well what im trying to say is that You are still soo young and there will be many other guys out there!!! You obviously know that he isn't the one for you, so you have no other choice but to MOVE ON with life.!! Dont let something like this stress you out!! I mean, yeah, i know moving on isnt the easiest thing to do, but it's all up to you and you willing to put the effort into it!

[annie24]

I agree with the other posters - you need to put an end to this thing with the guy. You are settling for so little. Remember what our grandmothers say, "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?" They told us that for a reason. You're letting this guy walk all over you. You said that he knows that you've put up with all his crap. But, he doesn't respect you for it - it sounds to me that he thinks your his doormat. Honestly, now that he's single, I think he's on the lookout for a girl that won't put up with his crap. A girl that insists on being treated right. In the meantime, he's having his "fun" with you.

 

I know you said that you used to have a deep relationship with him. It's unfortunate, but sometimes, people fall out of love. So, it's time to let him go. No more physical stuff, try NC. It will make it so much easier for you to move on. Not only that, but if you really really do want something with this guy, then I think walking away from him might be the only way to make him realize that he misses you. Either way, distancing yourself from him is a good thing to do. Good luck.

[cleverme123]

But, he has everything he wants and don't have to make a commitment, most guys love this option. I would say ultimatum time, unless you want to be used as a door mat.