Confessing to my best friend that I love him

[Beccy]

whoever wins my heart will be the world's luckiest guy?

 

That statement means HE doesn't want your heart.

 

And also hinting that I was his 'impossible dream', that I was the best and most beautiful girl in the world but he was 'beneath me' and didn't think I would want him at all?

 

He said it in a veiled way, of course, since at the moment I was complaining about how my crush never paid attention to me, but his meaning was pretty clear.

[mhowe]

His meaning IS clear, but it isn't what you think it is.

 

Impossible dream, he's "beneath you" ---- he enjoys the flirting and attention. But it will never be more than that.

[Beccy]

Impossible dream, he's "beneath you" ---- he enjoys the flirting and attention. But it will never be more than that.

Maybe so...but, if that's the case, I NEED to know that. I never felt like he was 'playing' with me, there were times he even canceled work appointments so he could come see me. And looking into his eyes, I could feel his concern and care for me, the way I've never felt from anyone except my mother when I was younger. I'm sure all that couldn't be just an act.

 

I will wait until I see him, tell him how I feel, and have it out with him right then and there. Meanwhile, I'll call his number and try to get a hold of his best friend's mom, on voice chat, to ascertain if I really did speak with her...if it was really her, then that means I have no reason to doubt his care or friendship...or, just maybe, love.

 

Gaaaah. I'm going crazy. I'm a weird mix of romantic and analytical...I must leave no stone unturned and know the truth, even if it kills me!

[sara-pezzini]

He can care deeply for you but that doesn't mean it's love or that he would want something, words mean zero, anyone can say the most beautiful words and not mean anything of it.

Actions speak volumes and his actions don't say interest.

In his words i see nothing that tells me that he feels the same and combined with the actions he displayed i think it's clear.

Like i said, the more you disclose the less i think the feeling is mutual so please don't get carried away.

Talk to him and get it off your chest because otherwise you'll drive yourself crazy, but please please prepare for the worst, else you may be crushed.

[Beccy]

Yes...I'll do that. I need to know what's going on between us. Then...maybe he feels the same for me and great! And if he doesn't, well then, we can go back to the awesome friendship we have.

 

I know words mean nothing, but actions, now...You don't give up work appointments to see someone you don't care about. You don't remember even the smallest things a person says if you don't care about them. You don't message a person EVERY DAY for no apparent reason if you don't care about them.

 

...Do you?

[sara-pezzini]

But those things can still just be friendship. But this is pretty much pointless now. We don't know and you have to wait till he gets back and we will wait for that update!

And i hope for the best!

[Beccy]

Yes, I know you're right...It's the waiting and the confusion that's getting to me, though.

 

I've posted about him on several forums as well as speaking to my family/friends, and ALL of them, to a person...even my mom who saw me with him many times before she got mad at him...say that he really liked me. My mom even warned me he might try to steal a kiss (yeah, right, HIM steal a kiss...!) So I'm going in circles here...

[boltnrun]

Maybe you need to stop listening to others and go with your gut instinct. Seems like you've consulted so many people that it has you confused, and you are overthinking.

[Beccy]

Maybe you need to stop listening to others and go with your gut instinct. Seems like you've consulted so many people that it has you confused, and you are overthinking.

You're probably right... That would be me all over.

 

My gut instinct is telling me that yes, he cares, but WHY NO CONTACT!?!?!

 

Ugh, I'm a mess. And, just for the record, I'd totally suck at following in Sherlock Holmes's glorious footsteps...

 

I want to smack him...and then hug him...so very badly...

 

Is it posible he was into me, but gave up and lost interest because he thought I would never reciprocate? Ugh, I'll never forgive myself if that's true!!!

[Beccy]

UPDATE:

 

Still no contact from him... I'm going crazy. But I have this terrible suspicion that I can't push away from my mind.

 

I know he cares, I couldn't be mistaken..I've had many 'friends' who never truly cared, but I could tell he was different.

 

He stopped talking to me ONE DAY after my father took him for the interview.

 

My parents keep trying to make me think ill of him.

 

Conclusion...?

 

I don't think I can trust my mother any more. (And this isn't my only reason for thinking so...in fact, I now suspect she or my father may have said something to him. I KNOW my father spoke to him once after the last time I spoke to him... And my mother absolutely refused to tell me what my father had to say to my friend.

 

That's it! A mutual friend and I are going out tomorrow, and we are going to get some answers. With how easily intimidated he is, and the way my parents have been treating ME lately...I think it not unlikely that my father may have threatened him to get him away from me. In that case, I must speak with Beren in person and let him know that I, on my part, do not want to lose contact, and will not allow my parents to dictate my feelings towards anyone.

 

Thoughts? Advice? Please help I don't want to lose my mother, my best friend and my dog all at once! (My mother sold my dog yesterday and did not even let me know beforehand so that I could say good-bye! I just woke up and Jasmine was gone! And my MOTHER said NOTHING to me until I asked her FOUR TIMES where my dog was!!! I would never have believed it of her, but after this, I cannot trust her promise that she said nothing to Beren. When I asked her about it, she blew up at me for not trusting my father who "has been very good to your ingrate of a friend".)

[Beccy]

YES!!! I just heard from Beren!

 

At last I couldn't take it anymore, especially after my parents threw me out...So I messaged Beren's friend asking him to ask Beren to call me. He replied two days ago saying he'd tell him.

 

Well...I got THIRTY WhatsApp messages from him today!!! And we spoke on the phone for quite a while!!!

 

Oh, yes. I'm definitely confessing the next time I see him. And, going by what he said to me, I don't think he'll say no...we shall see though as I don't want to pressure him in any way.

 

He said he'd bought a phone to talk to me as his old one died and the one I gave him rejected his SIM card as they're from different companies. He promised without my even asking never to cut contact again and begged for forgiveness for not having taken the job my dad got for him. He was very worried I might not want to speak to him anymore because of it and that my parents would think ill of him. "I miss you very much and maybe you're angry with me because I didn't take the car washing job. I dream about you every night and I'm afraid you might not want to talk to me anymore. ", then "I love you very much my friend"!!!!! And "I will never forget about you because you have made a place in my heart like no one else. You're the most important person in my life aside from my brother."

THIRTY messages of the type, all together and without waiting for me to reply as I was working at the time and only just saw the messages.

 

I assured him I wasn't angry and asked if I could call him, he said yes and we spoke until my phone died. He couldn't believe what my parents did and said he'd be there for me 100%, then kept saying how I'm so sweet and good and smart and I'll be okay and shouldn't be sad, you know, that stuff...

 

Oh. My. God. I LOVE HIM, I was really tempted to tell him right then but of course won't do it over the phone, much less with everyone on the bus listening...