I am really lonely

[highonyou]

It's been such a long time since I've been here, so many things have happened since I last logged on (this will probably be very long, sorry).

 

First off, I figured out what I really want to do with my life. I am living abroad and I'm well on my way to becoming a doctor, just 2 years to go!

 

Im currently living in the Philippines, I am half filipino, and half Scottish, born and raised in Scotland. I made the move 3 years ago after being stuck in a job I hated with minimal prospects for jobs I would have liked to have done, so I opted for a fresh start.

 

Shortly before I started my first year in med school, my dad died 2 weeks after his 59th birthday. My parents had planned to retire to the Philippines once he retired at 60. So that's the main reason I withdrew from the course at the med school where I was staying. Its located in the city where my relatives live with whom I was staying. So for 6 months I had the chance to mourn properly and also ovelook the house my parents were building and were planning to retire in.

 

Fast forward to the new school year, I was accepted again in another med school (traditional style instead of the pbl of the previous school) and I have been doing really well academically as well as taking part in extra activities like being a part of the student council and being a member of the flag football team.

 

But I'm still an outsider, i have different views and opinions what with my upbringing. It has caused a rift with a few people, I lost who I thought was a good friend when he started making racist comments which I found offensive, but he didn't understand how I could think he was being racist. This country has been said to have the friendliest people in the world, but jeebus, there are a lot of racists.

 

I also get weird looks when they find out I'm an athiest, and I do sometimes get interrogated or some even try to convert me to any religion available because I have to believe in some higher power to have meaning in my life apparently.

 

Basically, i feel like I don't really have any friends here. Since my dad died, money has been tight and I have have to make do with a budget that doesn't really allow for a social life. So if I get invited to eat out or watch a movie, I generally have to say no, due to school work or lack of funds.

 

It has gotten to a point where I no longer get invited out. I stay in my flat I share with a schoolmate by myself, and eat dinner by myself, she always goes out to eat and study. I get on well with my classmates at school, we work well together when we have group work or presentations, but I always end up eating lunch alone. Conversations are short since most are not comfortable speaking in english most of the time, I do understand most of the local dialect, but I am not very confident speaking it.

 

I guess its a good thing I'm introverted and being alone most of the time is bearable, but I miss having deeper conversations. My friends back in the UK are in a different timezone and all working, so I rarely get more than just a quick message back and forth now and again.

 

My mama has retired here in the Philippines, but is on a different island. She often asks if I am going to stay for my internship here and I know she would like me to be close. But if I am honest, if this is what its going to be like for the next 2 years, and will probably be worse after I graduate, I don't think I would be able to bear it.

[Man with Dog]

I've never been to the Philippines and I'm really sorry to hear you've met racism. My daughter has been told to "go back to her own country" a few times, too. I understand that lack of funds makes it really difficult to socialise. I don't but at least I have my wife, daughter and dog. I know religion is taboo on here but it's very small-minded for people to criticise you for it.

I would definitely look at doing an internship somewhere else. Any chance you could do it near your mum?

[DoF]

Racism has no boundaries......well, I should really say STUPIDITY has no boundaries. Wherever you go in this world. It's always best to just ignore it and do what you do. My country is a great example. Just 60 years ago my country has experienced one of the most brutally racists invasions world has ever seen FIRST HAND (WW2/Poland). When I went there few years back I was simply appealed that racism against Jews or even a HINT of racism even exists there (seen plenty of anti Jew graphiti and heard people joke about jews etc). But I quickly checked myself, I forgot how ignorant, primitive and stupid people really are. It's a shame, but it's reality!

 

I'm not sure why people keep dropping the "introvert" label so often. MOST people are introvert and prefer to spend time at home, with loved ones/family and on their own. Look around you and pay close attention.

 

Introvert = NORMAL

 

EXTROVERT is not norm!

 

 

 

As for the rest, DO NOT share your feelings/emotion or who you are to people.....most people don't care and will only use that against you. ESPECIALLY when it comes to religion!!!! Religion is widespread and practiced by MOST people, so to be against that.......means you are isolating yourself. Don't even speak of it. It's better that way.

 

Less people know about you, the better. I'm atheist too, but I don't go around and advertise it. To do so is meaningless anyways.

[SpottiOtti]

Are there any other internet forums you've found, perhaps related to an interest you have? The internet can be a good place to socialize when you aren't able to go out and do it in the world.

 

Perhaps you are destined to bear loneliness for the next couple of years, in order to have a payoff in the end.

 

Perhaps there are good qualities in the people you have met too - people are neither all good nor all bad.

[Knot2loud]

I spent three years in the Philippines (Angeles City, Manila, Baguio). Loved it. Beautiful country and beautiful people. This was back in the late 70's to early 80's. Ferdinand Marcos was the dictator at that time. Things changed after he was ousted from the country. However, this is not the topic...

 

Since you have to study for your classes... I have to ask if you are involved in any study groups? When I was in college I made quite a few friends that way. Even if I didn't need to be in a study group I joined one just so I would have somebody to hang out with afterwards. Mind you... There's nothing wrong with busting your butt and getting all A's, but it sure is nice to let yourself go and have fun with some people you study with every now and then.

 

My point is this... If you don't have a study group - make one. If one is already there - ask if you can join them. Look at it this way... It's a start.

[highonyou]

*huge sigh* exams over for now...

 

Things are going well enough in school, social life is still on the hermit side. A huge festival is happening in the city right now, called sinulog. I went to it last year, and I swear it looked like a zombie apocalypse. So I'm just chilling inside my flat with copious movies and tea.

 

My thoughts on:

Religion: I'm not one to advertise my atheism, but if someone asks I'm not going to lie as though being atheist is a shameful way to be. I just get annoyed when people start being pushy, arrogant or hostile about it. It has happened here a couple of times.

 

Study groups: I'm not sure study groups work for me. I only really get into them during the q&a sessions in the final hours before an exam. Don't think it really counts since it's pretty impromptu, but a popular option. When it comes to joining established study groups, that's a bit trickier since those groups are essentially made up of people who hang out together in class, lunch, etc. it's quite cliquey. And besides, if I screw up I've only got myself to blame for not doing the work instead of being the type who blames the others in the study group for lack of work.

 

Internship: mama and I have talked about over the Xmas break and she would really like me to stick around in the Philippines, but I was thinking more along the lines of New Zealand or Canada. But first I need to get some epic grades. So I guess I will keep my head down and get those straight As wherever I can.

 

Thank you everyone for putting things into perspective!

[c579j]

Are there sites and opportunities where you can meet other Foreigners living abroad in your city? It sounds like your Western education isn't meshing well with people who grew up in the Philippines. Yes- most Asian countries are super racist and the Philippines are super Catholic, no? It's a homogenious society- a lot of people are probably comfortable with discussing their open racism and other non-liberal thoughts- it's all they know.

As far as discussing your views & religion, unfortunately it sounds like you have to work on ways to avoid answering the topic. Or changing the topic! I'm sure there's a younger generation that's more liberal-minded, good luck on finding more people!

And yes, it sounds like doing Internship in another country is what you're interested in, good luck!