Insecurities...

[Jeffbobo]

I met a woman about a month ago and we've been dating. She has a really cool personality and physically, she has beautiful long blond hair, gorgeous baby blue eyes, very kissable lips and a great figure. Ok... I'll stop there. lol. Suffice it to say, I'm attracted to her. She's definitely very attracted to me. Ultimately, chemistry is awesome. We became intimate fairly quickly.

 

Lately, or I should say more now than in the beginning, she is asking me constantly about how I'd like her to change her hair, nails, changes to her body, cloths I'd like to see her in... Just in general how she could change. I've told her that I like the girl I've met but if she wants to change those things to be more confident and sexy, then don't do that for me. She's certainly attractive and men defiantly notice her so I don't understand. The main thing here is that it's really starting to turn me off. Once again, I find myself in a situation where I'm contemplating just stepping back from this situation and parting ways. Which I'm pretty sure she will not take very well. Thoughts?

[greta96]

Lately, or I should say more now than in the beginning, she is asking me constantly about how I'd like her to change her hair, nails, changes to her body, cloths I'd like to see her in... Just in general how she could change. I've told her that I like the girl I've met but if she wants to change those things to be more confident and sexy, then don't do that for me. She's certainly attractive and men defiantly notice her so I don't understand. The main thing here is that it's really starting to turn me off. Once again, I find myself in a situation where I'm contemplating just stepping back from this situation and parting ways. Which I'm pretty sure she will not take very well. Thoughts?

 

I can see how this would be a major turnoff, and not only that, but it's a huge red flag, she sounds like she has deep seated issues and will eventually become a cling-on. BDD is a thing, many discount it but it can really affect the way one sees themselves, and lead to major depression and sometimes suicide. I don't see what else you can do, other than reassuring her that you like her just the way she is. If she still doesn't get it, it means she deals with issues beyond your control, that need to be dealt with by a professional and some medication.

If you think she won't take well a breakup now, she won't take it any better later on. So, you may want to consider pulling the plug sooner rather than later.

[Gloworm]

Tell her one more time she is beautiful just the way she is and you love how she keeps up taking care of her long hair. If she wants to loose or gain any weight just help her in making healthier choices for herself. As for nails and clothes, she should maybe look too her girlfriends/fashion sites for advice? If you like certain clothes brands, sports teams, lingerie, buy her a cute outfit or article of clothing she could wear.

[Andrina]

Why not be honest with her? Tell her confidence is the best attractor, and wanting to mold into someone else's idea of perfection would be creepy, like the movie The Stepford Wives. Does she have a well rounded life with a good career, hobbies/interests, and a good support system of girlfriends and family? What has her past relationship history been like? These are some other things to consider before moving on.

[ChaosTheory]

I don't know enough about the situation to determine whether this is really pathologic, and a sign of deeper seeded issues. That is definitely for you to decide. As pointed out above, consider her as a whole before deciding whether to move on or not.

It could just be that she likes you and wants to "dress to impress" her man. It's simple, just compliment her on the way she already dresses and looks, etc.

If she still comes off as desperate and insecure, then maybe you do have bigger issues to deal with.

[itsallgrand]

First thought: oh that sucks! Sucks to find someone you are very attracted to, like being around, and want to spend time with and then something like this comes out.

 

Second thoughts: I'd go with honesty. Tell her how you feel about it. Tell her directly that this is a turn off for you, and why. See what she says. What she says will tell you a lot more about how bad this really is, and where it may be coming from, and maybe help you suss out if you want to keep seeing her. If she has little awareness of why this would be a bad thing, or if she breaks down and cries or can't handle hearing it, then you know what to do.

[Blue_Skirt]

Tell her that you fell in love with the girl you met, that you don’t want her to change anything, that she is pretty the way she is. And yes tell her that it is a turn off for you the way she keeps talking about changing herself.

[Ms Darcy]

I met a woman about a month ago and we've been dating. She has a really cool personality and physically, she has beautiful long blond hair, gorgeous baby blue eyes, very kissable lips and a great figure. Ok... I'll stop there. lol. Suffice it to say, I'm attracted to her. She's definitely very attracted to me. Ultimately, chemistry is awesome. We became intimate fairly quickly.

 

I think this is probably some of the issue here. I'm not saying that this isn't an issue, but she sounds like a sex object from the way you describe her. And getting intimate soon doesn't exactly show her that you are interested in her mind.

 

Be very honest and tell her that it's turning you off. That's all you can do.

 

No matter how things work out in the future, I think it's wise to slow things down and get to know the other person's mind. Then that will make him/her feel like you are interested in her as more than a sexual object/partner.