Why being nerdy is such a turn OFF?

[1899]

Hehe, im thinking. Had a young kid (16 or less) tell me I need to put a muffler back on my turbo diesel truck. I smiled and was like in my mind "FU".

[Kitz]

For me, it isnt the clothes exactly (a guy I happen to like has a pair of khaki billabong pants, and he's anything but a nerd ) its the way he wears them. Tucked in (ew), with his pants up past his bellybutton (double ew.) Only old people and nerds wear their clothes like that.

Wearing pants that high is so uncomfortable! Why don't they just wear their pants comfortably around their hips like a normal person.

 

Yes, clothes make a person more slightly more attractive. I agree obviously. But why would you reject a guy based solely on his pic in not very stylish clothes?

I would reject him because, well, the clothes make him look like some stern old grandpa, not laid back and casual, which is a quality most girls look for in a boyfriend (no one wants some serious snob). And just, well.. I can't really explain it, but seeing someone in hot clothes makes you want to take them off meanwhile seeing someone in the same clothes as your grandpa doesnt really give you the impression that there's anything worth seeing under there, except for perhaps a beer gut.

Good example about dressing a guy. So does it show that " these ladies"

are extremely shallow and they care mostly about guy's clothes?

To me it does show they dont care who is under the clothes.

It is clear. Agree?

Not really. But look, there are stereotypes and if you see someone in the same kind of clothes as that stereotype, thats what you'll think they are. Think of say, a gangsta, a surfer guy, a skateboarder, a punk, a nerd, they all have different kinds of clothes and if you saw someone walking down the street in those clothes, you would assume that they were, even if the gangsta guy just happened to be someone who liked to wear alot of bling. They didn't care who was under the clothes, of course, 'coz they didnt know the guy and never WERE going to know the guy, and first impressions do count - when you're older money matters alot too, so someone who rocks up looking like they have no style sense whatsoever (nerdy) or a bum on the street, they're not going to get as many 'hotness' points as the guy who comes over with designer brand jeans and so on.

 

Yeah tell me how you would expalain unstylish clothes for a guy of your age please.

Okay. Um, well. First of all, clothes that aren't colour-coordinated. Green boardies, red and black t-shirt, white shoes. Ew. Wearing their pants really high up, or too low down.. wearing PURPLE (ugh), or tye-dye, or any other hippie sort of thing. XD Tucked in T-shirt. Wearing their hat backwards.. i hate it when guys do that. Wearing shoes other than sneakers. I dont know why, it just looks so bad!! And like.. I can't really think of anything else.

Wait, yes I can. Fly-eye glasses. hahahahahahahaha.

[skyteph]

Yeah tell me how you would expalain unstylish clothes for a guy of your age please.

Okay. Um, well. First of all, clothes that aren't colour-coordinated. Green boardies, red and black t-shirt, white shoes. Ew. Wearing their pants really high up, or too low down.. wearing PURPLE (ugh), or tye-dye, or any other hippie sort of thing. XD Tucked in T-shirt. Wearing their hat backwards.. i hate it when guys do that. Wearing shoes other than sneakers. I dont know why, it just looks so bad!! And like.. I can't really think of anything else.

Wait, yes I can. Fly-eye glasses. hahahahahahahaha.

 

Parachute pants, chunky wollen knitted jumpers, those tracky-pants that look like they are made from felt and cuff at the bottom..acctually anything with a big cuff at the bottom is ew XD

Wearing things that look like your mum makes your clothes (and wearing things that she acctually did make, unless of course she is in that feild of work lol ), shirts with rips in them that probably shouldn't be there and shirts that have pictures of say, their fave childhood superhero like batman are no-no's

Wearing pants that are either up too high so that you can see the guys ankles or that are just so small that's where they naturally sit. Pant's that are all ironed perfectly flat or have that ironed crease down the front also look a bit odd

 

Heh, I'm sure I'll think of more, just gimmi some time

[skyteph]

Yes, clothes make a person more slightly more attractive. I agree obviously. But why would you reject a guy based solely on his pic in not very stylish clothes?

I would reject him because, well, the clothes make him look like some stern old grandpa, not laid back and casual, which is a quality most girls look for in a boyfriend (no one wants some serious snob). And just, well.. I can't really explain it, but seeing someone in hot clothes makes you want to take them off meanwhile seeing someone in the same clothes as your grandpa doesnt really give you the impression that there's anything worth seeing under there, except for perhaps a beer gut.

 

I'd reject him because like, he doesn't look like a very fun casual guy He looks so up tight and not really interested in doing something spontaneous and even if he *was* interested in doing something a but crazy here and there, he would be dressed for it! XD

 

Plus in that picure the guy had horrible posture, was as white as light (haha, little joke for you all ) and the pant's being up so high made him look like he had a larger stomach!

 

He might be the nicest guy in the world, but i'd still reject him because it takes more then being nice to keep someone attracted! I'd be too worried about him correcting and scientifically explaining how the plot works when we went to the movies and what not. Lol.

[Lily04]

To answer one poster's question I went out with him for various reasons, and was attracted to him for other reasons besides his looks. I thought he was ok looking in the beginning, and was planning on having sex with him except for the fact that he was leaving soon for another country & I wasn't on birth control pills, so I refused to take any risks. He understood. But we did other stuff in bed, and I wasn't so much into it. I didn't know why but only after we broke up realized it was probably because there was little physical attraction.

 

I'm sorta a nerdy kid myself except I don't look like one, so our personalities matched well in some ways. I don't regret going out with him; he was a good guy, but on reflection I just discovered a lot of things about him that I didn't like & let it vent in this message board. I'm sorry if my posts came out a bit more pompous than it should have...

 

Anyway, regarding clothing, that's not the first thing I look for in a guy, it doesn't matter much....personality is first for me, and before it was the ONLY thing I considered. But then i realized that physical attraction should also be there if you want to haev a good love life, and so now I do take it into consideration when dating people. It's not like they have to be really good-looking, but at least some mutual attraction should be there...just be happy with yourself, and confident, and you'll do fine in the dating world.

 

Take care,

 

sparrow

[ShySoul]

I'd reject him because like, he doesn't look like a very fun casual guy He looks so up tight and not really interested in doing something spontaneous and even if he *was* interested in doing something a but crazy here and there, he would be dressed for it!

 

Appearances can be deceiving and you can't judge a book from its cover. Anyone can be fun and casual when it comes down to it, you can't tell something like that just by what a person is wearing. If you don't see that now, you will in a few years.

 

Sparrow, you'd be surprised and how much of a role personality plays in physical attraction. Even if you don't initially see someone as physically attractive, the more you get to know them and grow to like there personality, the more you will notice them physically. When you see someone's inner beauty it will begin to show itself in there outer beauty as well.

[Kitz]

Plus in that picure the guy had horrible posture, was as white as light (haha, little joke for you all )

haha, that joke was gay j/k.

 

 

He might be the nicest guy in the world, but i'd still reject him because it takes more then being nice to keep someone attracted! I'd be too worried about him correcting and scientifically explaining how the plot works when we went to the movies and what not. Lol.

 

Oh, god. People scientifically explaining how the plot works etc is SO annoying.. And mumsie-poo wonders why I dont go anywhere with her anymore

But yeah, he does look like he'd do that, LoL. Definatley not the person you'd want to go watch The Day After Tomorrow with. =B

 

Another thing I just thought of: Sometime during every girls' life she will watch a really scary movie, and there'll be some time during it when she'll wish that she had her crush/boyfriend/some nice strong guy to hug during all the scary bits and he can put his arms around her too and she'll feel all protected and safe. During a scary movie you'd want to be cuddling up to some manly strong guy who would protect you and make you feel all safe and not look scared at all, not some whimpy guy who'd be crying and clinging to you too -- and although I know this is an extreme stereotype and there probably aren't /any/ nerds like that, nerds generally dont have that manly sex appeal that other guys (okay, "jerks" ) do.

 

If you understood any of that. XD

[weirdrabbit]

Clothes can be important to some degree, as they can express your personality or can show someone you take care of yourself, or how comfortable you are with yourself. But obviously it can be taken too far (if you only look at clothes or if you can only wear certain "in" brands etc.). First impressions, clothes matter but in the long term they dont matter. Say if you dress really conservatively and dont wear any colour, people may think you are really uptight and rigid. But if you wear colour and express yourself through your clothes, people may think you are more outgoing or if you have a really unique sense of dress people may think you are creative. Clothes can really say a lot about someone, eg. hippies usually wear flowing clthes, hommies wear a certain style of clothes,etc. They are all stereotypes, but if u dont know someone you usually judge them on how they dress and how they carry themselves.

[al7]

I got something from these discussions:

There are some women (not all of course) who pay attention how

are my pants are positioned with respect to my belly button (like it is her business or her buttons more than anything else in the picture.

They dont care about an awesome dog, or a cool title I invented..

they care about my clothes.

Obviously if anyone goes out with such a girl, she'll be looking at other things in the same way: superficially, in the way she wants it.

The clothes are mine, they should bother me not anyone else.

 

For sure I dont want to dating these kind of women. I so guess it is better not to show my clothes in pics at all. If she dislikes my style to that extent that even after a date she would not be able to look at a person but at his clothes, well it is a good situation cuz I know I will not date her anymore. This is a good sign that can save me some time and energy for people who worth my attention.

Thanks, ladies

 

(Example: recently met a wonderful hippie kinda chick with torn jearns,

cloth like shoes... hair.. hmm...anyway, she was the most attractive person I saw for the last year!!! Why? Cuz of her personality\emotions..

I dont care what kind of clothes she's got and how are they fit her belly button..or hairstyle she has.. it is not what I am lookng for.)

[Mun]

Al7 you have to remember that we are individuals and not all of us will look at the same things. Sure appearance is important, how you look is your calling card and it says something about you even before you open your mouth to speak. On that note I have known men who were gorgeous, but they talk and they have no sense at all.

 

What I find worrysome here is not your sense of style ( or lack of) but your general attitude. Everyone is expressing an opinion on this topic and although some of the view are not popular, they are sincere and geared to helping you. Take note of that and pay attention to some of the suggestions. Why ask for help if you continue to dismiss the advice? Just a thought.

[al7]

Al7 you have to remember that we are individuals and not all of us will look at the same things. Sure appearance is important, how you look is your calling card and it says something about you even before you open your mouth to speak. On that note I have known men who were gorgeous, but they talk and they have no sense at all.

 

What I find worrysome here is not your sense of style ( or lack of) but your general attitude. Everyone is expressing an opinion on this topic and although some of the view are not popular, they are sincere and geared to helping you. Take note of that and pay attention to some of the suggestions. Why ask for help if you continue to dismiss the advice? Just a thought.

 

It is about the way advice was put. The way was kinda questionable... and I questioned it. In fact It did raise a lot questions...

it was sort of a not very structured debate. In fact I took some of the advice, I figured out what was wrong, and will take care of it (by not showing my style in photos). So I use forums's help in terms of feedback and made my own conclusions. Everyone is happy

... I just dont feel I have to give up something I am comfortable in

to please a superficial opinion (we all agreed the opionion based on photo only is superficial). Moreover, if a girl is too much in clothes, obviously she is not for me, and even more obvious I am not for her. I save time

by showing her my style right away. If I try to keep up with fahsion etc etc and then after some long time she discover she hates my style and it is improtnat to her... how would we feel? BAD. I dont like to feel bad.

I'd rather stop in in the very beginning. This is my rationale.

[Kitz]

I got something from these discussions:

There are some women (not all of course) who pay attention how

are my pants are positioned with respect to my belly button (like it is her business or her buttons more than anything else in the picture.

Because wearing pants like that is like, so uncomfortable, looks so bad and makes you look fat. And you *did* ask what was wrong with your clothes.

 

They dont care about an awesome dog, or a cool title I invented..

they care about my clothes.

Because *you* ASKED what was wrong with the clothes. And I did say that the dog was mad.

[Kitz]

First impressions, clothes matter but in the long term they dont matter.

 

Exactly. But if you think about it, in the dating world where you're not likely to see that person ever again if you dont ask them out/get their phone number, whatever (i'm only saying this because i'm assuming you're like, 30 or something and dont go to school anymore), first impressions do count.

He asked what was wrong with his clothes and we told him. Thats all.

[Mun]

I just think you need to present your best self out there in order to have a better chance of attracting someone.

 

Sure I can agree with you and decide to go out in pijamas with my hair tussled and expect a guy to accept me as I am because I'm comfortable, but come on.. who would think I looked attractive? They'd probabably think I was loony.

 

I too don't follow the trends and I go with my own personal style. What you see is what you get, but I do the best with what I got. People will look past your clothes once they get to know you, but at first meeting most are shallow and will decide whether they want to talk to you based on your looks. I'm not saying that's right, but that's usually how it is. If nobody can get past your look then how will they get to know the real you?

 

In order to attract women you need to look your best, so if the pants and shirt you are wearing don't flatter you, then you are doing yourself an injustice.

 

Would you rather attract a woman or be right all the time but remain single?

[al7]

I got something from these discussions:

There are some women (not all of course) who pay attention how

are my pants are positioned with respect to my belly button (like it is her business or her buttons more than anything else in the picture.

 

Because wearing pants like that is like, so uncomfortable,

looks so bad and makes you look fat. And you *did* ask what was wrong with your clothes.

 

Oh boy.....

You cannot judge if it comfortable or not cuz those are not YOUR pants. RIght? You just simple do not have a right to say "Hey listen it is not comfotable for you". You have your own idea why you dont like it.

Because it SEEMED to you it was too high...which again is not true.

Photo trick I guess.

But did make a good point: the pic shows a kinda fat guy.

So, definitely it is not good to show that pic. But.

I do not mind showing I have a belly cuz eventually I may gain some

weight, and if my gf would start complainign about it... thats not good at all. I want somebody easygoing who doesnt care about being always very fit. Speaking about being fat: does a guy in the pic look fat to you?

I am sure he is more like lean.. than fat.

[al7]

Yes, that right. I guess I am just measuring world looking at mysefl:

I dont really care if she is in her PJ with her hair tussled...

I figured out it doesnt matter, just the opposite: if a girl is too much... hmm into her clothes\make up\hair etc etc thats a bad sign.

It may make her look better but it is a bad sign for me: she is too much

superficial and thinks she can get looks in that smple way.

Honeslty I am not attracted to makeup or hair colors...they are just things

I cannot relate to.

By the way, by the same reason I am scared of gals who go to a gym too much.

 

So I have to be more careful in photos, by not showing my clothes.

Whys that? Cuz if she is that sensitive to my style and eventually she'll see me in MY PJ and MY hair tussled ... that would not be good to any of us. Better not to start anything with her.

[skyteph]

I figured out it doesnt matter, just the opposite: if a girl is too much... hmm into her clothes\make up\hair etc etc thats a bad sign.

It may make her look better but it is a bad sign for me: she is too much

superficial and thinks she can get looks in that smple way.

 

To me that sounds like a contradiction

 

You're assuming that someone who follow's the trends will be too superficial and this may be the case for some people, but you assuming that is like us assuming that because you wear those clothes you are boring and like my grandpa!

[al7]

I figured out it doesnt matter, just the opposite: if a girl is too much... hmm into her clothes\make up\hair etc etc thats a bad sign.

It may make her look better but it is a bad sign for me: she is too much

superficial and thinks she can get looks in that smple way.

 

To me that sounds like a contradiction

 

You're assuming that someone who follow's the trends will be too superficial and this may be the case for some people, but you assuming that is like us assuming that because you wear those clothes you are boring and like my grandpa!

 

Clarification:

"You're assuming that someone who follow's the trends will be too superficial"

If you just follow the trends thats fine. If you follow the trend TOO MUCH or wants ME for follow the trends... that is not good at all.

From the PASSIONATE way you explained you prefrences if style I got several things: 1. You are obviously passionately follow the trends 2.

From the amount of emotions you put in it, I figured you follow the trends TOO MUCH. 3. You assume quite a lot about a person\style even without the facts: you didnt check the actual belly button and have no idea how high the pants were, but _insisted_ you knew how the catual things are.

All these shows that "TOO MUCH". 4. You want you bf to follow the trends.

I think I am very clear here and not a even bit contradictory.

[skyteph]

Clarification:

"You're assuming that someone who follow's the trends will be too superficial"

If you just follow the trends thats fine. If you follow the trend TOO MUCH or wants ME for follow the trends... that is not good at all.

From the PASSIONATE way you explained you prefrences if style I got several things: 1. You are obviously passionately follow the trends 2.

From the amount of emotions you put in it, I figured you follow the trends TOO MUCH. 3. You assume quite a lot about a person\style even without the facts: you didnt check the actual belly button and have no idea how high the pants were, but _insisted_ you knew how the catual things are.

All these shows that "TOO MUCH". 4. You want you bf to follow the trends.

I think I am very clear here and not a even bit contradictory.

 

You asked what was wrong with the clothes, I answered

 

Someone doesn't need to be a full-on trend follower, because that's just scary, but it's nice to think that they spent a while dressing themselves up to see me if we were to go on a date, like they wanted to impress me, even though they didn't have to.

 

Also I never plan on getting to know you/that person, so I will always have that first impression pop into my mind if I remember something about the photo. I told you what was wrong with the clothes and the first impression it gave me, you asked, I answered.

[Mun]

You know.. now that I think about it more.. I don't think being nerdy is a turn off. What is a turn off is a man who wants to argue about everything, has to be RIGHT all the time and is generally pessimistic. This would be someone who not very many people would be able to handle, or want to handle. I'm not saying be a fake, but like they say you attract bees with honey... use vinegar and all you get is a bad smell.

 

Try looking at your general attitude about things. Do you find it inviting and optimistic? You present yourself as though you are not very picky but from the posts I gather you are very very picky---maybe you just don't see it?

[Caldus]

al7, I think more than anything you are extremely worried about what other people think of you. Stop worrying and just go out there the way you are. Who gives a **** about clothes. I don't. I don't wear smelly, bad looking clothes but at the same time I don't follow trends either. In fact I wear a lot of t-shirts with funny quotes on them and wear plain old jeans. I do this because it fits me, not what society thinks I should wear. I really could care less if I look stupid because of my clothes. I'd rather just stick to being who I am then become another A&F or Old Navy person (no offense to those who wear their clothes). There's nothing wrong with A&F or Old Navy but I actually like the clothes I wear. At the same time, I don't really pay too much attention to what I wear. If a girl really liked you then she wouldn't really care what you were wearing anyway. I'm sure you know that already.

[al7]

You know.. now that I think about it more.. I don't think being nerdy is a turn off. What is a turn off is a man who wants to argue about everything, has to be RIGHT all the time and is generally pessimistic. This would be someone who not very many people would be able to handle, or want to handle. I'm not saying be a fake, but like they say you attract bees with honey... use vinegar and all you get is a bad smell.

 

Try looking at your general attitude about things. Do you find it inviting and optimistic? You present yourself as though you are not very picky but from the posts I gather you are very very picky---maybe you just don't see it?

 

Hold on, what is this forum for? Not only to say politely how good we all are... it is also allowed to have sort of debates here, isn't it?

So 1. yes I do want to argue about my what I asked (do not generalise - not about eveything, I agreed with people here wy more times then i disagree. Just get over that thing I sometimes i disagree with people. what is so bad about? We are he to express out opinion in civilized form,

You think I am not civilized at all?

2. Has to be right - I defend my position, we are not at a kitchen, and it is not a dating site. If fact it was reated to facilitate discussions here in order to make less discussion at home and with whom we love, am I wrong?

3. pessimistic. Oh well. Can't I be? Pessimism allows me to see what is not good, focus on it and do something about it. If I agree with all people

what kind use this talk would make for me or for you or fo the rest of people here?

The forum is not a model of real life, we have more,, freedoms here. So I guess we can use them to the fullest.

I mean do you really think I'd engage a woman who I date in a discusson like that if she doesnt want it at all??? I dont mind o discuss things though.

Bees in vinegar.. oh, you were so.. grahic

It is not like I am posting here my dating profile, right?

I am not trying at attract anyone, so I might use vigenar to make some

dishes a bit more spicy

[al7]

Huh, if I knew how to just STOP worrying, I wouldnt be talking here.

if fact it is kinda hard.

Besides I didnt worry tht much about clothes I wear,

it all started that I suspect some photos were very unattarctive..so I decided to check that out. Look, they are right: i have to worry t least in some aspect about what I wear when i take pics of myself. I have to either to hide my clothes in a pic, or wear something that is considered hot or at least decent. why? cuz women tend to reject guys based on some minor things like if you appear as a follower of "no style" in your pics, they r gonna reject you based only on one of yourpic.

So I guess I have to worry bit bout it and try to improve the pics in any way dicessed above.

[skyteph]

I am not trying at attract anyone, so I might use vigenar to make some

dishes a bit more spicy

 

That is so fudge-caking gay

[Kitz]

You know.. now that I think about it more.. I don't think being nerdy is a turn off. What is a turn off is a man who wants to argue about everything, has to be RIGHT all the time and is generally pessimistic. This would be someone who not very many people would be able to handle, or want to handle. I'm not saying be a fake, but like they say you attract bees with honey... use vinegar and all you get is a bad smell.

 

Try looking at your general attitude about things. Do you find it inviting and optimistic? You present yourself as though you are not very picky but from the posts I gather you are very very picky---maybe you just don't see it?

 

I love you. I fruitin' l - o - v - e love you.

 

You cannot judge if it comfortable or not cuz those are not YOUR pants. RIght? You just simple do not have a right to say "Hey listen it is not comfotable for you". You have your own idea why you dont like it.

 

True, but seriously. I wore a pair of high up pants once, as a joke. Talk about a camel toe.. it was painful.

 

Hold on, what is this forum for? Not only to say politely how good we all are... it is also allowed to have sort of debates here, isn't it?

I'm sure you're allowed to have debates here, but I thought enotalone was an ADVICE forum. People come here to give other people advice, not to have a debate.

 

In fact I wear a lot of t-shirts with funny quotes on them and wear plain old jeans.

And those kinds of clothes actually look quite hot on people. They dont make you look gay at all. ;P