Why being nerdy is such a turn OFF?

[Mun]

Kitz is right. Enotalone is an advice forum, and now I'm wondering.. are you going to change your style based on the fact that most women here have told you they do notice what you wear or are you going to keep your style and decide if someone wants you they will have to overlook it?

 

If this was a business and you were a product, I would dress you up nice in order to sell you... but it's not and so you have a right to decide not to take the advice given you and just keep doing what you been doing and hope for a better turn out.

 

Someone said ( was it Einstein?) that it was insane to keep doing the same thing over and over but expect different results every time.

[al7]

Kitz is right. Enotalone is an advice forum, and now I'm wondering.. are you going to change your style based on the fact that most women here have told you they do notice what you wear or are you going to keep your style and decide if someone wants you they will have to overlook it?

 

If this was a business and you were a product, I would dress you up nice in order to sell you... but it's not and so you have a right to decide not to take the advice given you and just keep doing what you been doing and hope for a better turn out.

 

Someone said ( was it Einstein?) that it was insane to keep doing the same thing over and over but expect different results every time.

 

 

Defintely. I will change the style: for the pics\first date.. only. If we continue dating I'll go back to what I am confortable with.

 

Yes, a valid point about a product. The box should be attractive, but once you opened it and started using the actually thing that was inside it, you throw away that "flashy" cardboard box...

Another example: business meeting. ok, I am forced to fit into a suit and a tie. (BBrrrRRR!!!) but after that, I can dress more casually.

[al7]

Hold on, what is this forum for? Not only to say politely how good we all are... it is also allowed to have sort of debates here, isn't it?

I'm sure you're allowed to have debates here, but I thought enotalone was an ADVICE forum. People come here to give other people advice, not to have a debate.

 

Ok, lets assume some advice was not good (I am not talking about this out particular discussion here!). What should I do? Just calmly accept

it without a word? Then the person who gave the advice would think it was good and keep giving same not very good advice to other people assume everything is ok. You dont care? I do.

 

Do you think I still have to be quiet and not to say anything for the politeness sake? We have tons of politeness in our real lifes, no one is gonna say anything - we can give any advice we want and have tons of "thanks" in return. Here, in internet, I guess it is a bit different, isn't it?

[Kitz]

Defintely. I will change the style: for the pics\first date.. only. If we continue dating I'll go back to what I am confortable with.

 

Another example: business meeting. ok, I am forced to fit into a suit and a tie. (BBrrrRRR!!!) but after that, I can dress more casually.

 

Assuming that that picture you showed us before was you (haha XD) - those clothes are casual?!?! That aint casual, mate.

 

What's the point of changing your clothes for pictures? Your friends have seen you in your normal clothes anyway, whats the point of having different clothes for a picture. =P

 

As for changing the style for the first date.. Whats the point of changing your style for the first date? If when she meets you, she sees your clothes and decides yeah, he's OK looking and he's quite nice but he's got horrible dress sense, there isnt going to BE a first date to change your style for. Like someone said before, to like someone, you have to like everything about them.. including their clothes. ;P

 

Ok, lets assume some advice was not good (I am not talking about this out particular discussion here!). What should I do?

 

If it was 'bad advice', how would you know it was bad (if you were asking for it in the first place)? Why did you bother asking if you're going to take everything that everyone says as 'bad advice?'

[skyteph]

Ok, lets assume some advice was not good (I am not talking about this out particular discussion here!). What should I do? Just calmly accept

it without a word? Then the person who gave the advice would think it was good and keep giving same not very good advice to other people assume everything is ok. You dont care? I do.

 

Do you think I still have to be quiet and not to say anything for the politeness sake? We have tons of politeness in our real lifes, no one is gonna say anything - we can give any advice we want and have tons of "thanks" in return. Here, in internet, I guess it is a bit different, isn't it?

 

Why not simply state, 'Thanks for your advice, does anyone else have any opinions on this issue?', other wise people will stop giving any advice, due to you lashing out at them wehever they try to help. Please take this under consideration.

[al7]

Assuming that that picture you showed us before was you (haha XD) - those clothes are casual?!?! That aint casual, mate.

 

What's the point of changing your clothes for pictures?

 

As for changing the style for the first date.. Whats the point of changing your style for the first date?

 

Ok, lets assume some advice was not good (I am not talking about this out particular discussion here!). What should I do?

If it was 'bad advice', how would you know it was bad (if you were asking for it in the first place)? Why did you bother asking if you're going to take everything that everyone says as 'bad advice?'

 

For me they look like casual clothes.

 

We cannot see a personality on a pic. So it is better not to disclose clothes, or try to wear something that at least look ok to most people.

The point is not to put forward shortcomings. Maybe I lack a sense of style, but I neither want to show off with it nor to force msyelf to change it to follow fashion trends.

FOr the first date it is the same: personality is not clear yet, and some lack of style may scare women off.

 

Advice: As I said "I am not talking about this our particular discussion here!" So it is not applicable to advise about clothes.

Of course I can't alway say if advice is good or not. But sometimes I can when the adivce was too obvious for example.

[al7]

Ok, lets assume some advice was not good (I am not talking about this out particular discussion here!). What should I do? Just calmly accept

it without a word? Then the person who gave the advice would think it was good and keep giving same not very good advice to other people assume everything is ok. You dont care? I do.

 

Do you think I still have to be quiet and not to say anything for the politeness sake? We have tons of politeness in our real lifes, no one is gonna say anything - we can give any advice we want and have tons of "thanks" in return. Here, in internet, I guess it is a bit different, isn't it?

 

Why not simply state, 'Thanks for your advice, does anyone else have any opinions on this issue?', other wise people will stop giving any advice, due to you lashing out at them wehever they try to help. Please take this under consideration.

 

Good point. in real life you (or I) basically do that.

Here, in internet, we may be more open and we may discuss the advice. Thats what internet for: to be able to discuss things, not only to be polite and keep r mouth shut

Whats the point in not discussing things? We already have that in our real life most fo the time.

[skyteph]

Ok, lets assume some advice was not good (I am not talking about this out particular discussion here!). What should I do? Just calmly accept

it without a word? Then the person who gave the advice would think it was good and keep giving same not very good advice to other people assume everything is ok. You dont care? I do.

 

Do you think I still have to be quiet and not to say anything for the politeness sake? We have tons of politeness in our real lifes, no one is gonna say anything - we can give any advice we want and have tons of "thanks" in return. Here, in internet, I guess it is a bit different, isn't it?

 

Why not simply state, 'Thanks for your advice, does anyone else have any opinions on this issue?', other wise people will stop giving any advice, due to you lashing out at them wehever they try to help. Please take this under consideration.

 

Good point. in real life you (or I) basically do that.

Here, in internet, we may be more open and we may discuss the advice. Thats what internet for: to be able to discuss things, not only to be polite and keep r mouth shut

Whats the point in not discussing things? We already have that in our real life most fo the time.

 

The internet was created so the scientists could share discorveries and information learned with others around the world, so in a sense you are right

 

Also discussing the advice only goes so far, I was given the impression that you were building a barrier when we tried to simply answer your question. Hopefully this does not turn people off from 'discussing' things in future.

[al7]

Ok, lets assume some advice was not good (I am not talking about this out particular discussion here!). What should I do? Just calmly accept

it without a word? Then the person who gave the advice would think it was good and keep giving same not very good advice to other people assume everything is ok. You dont care? I do.

 

Do you think I still have to be quiet and not to say anything for the politeness sake? We have tons of politeness in our real lifes, no one is gonna say anything - we can give any advice we want and have tons of "thanks" in return. Here, in internet, I guess it is a bit different, isn't it?

 

Why not simply state, 'Thanks for your advice, does anyone else have any opinions on this issue?', other wise people will stop giving any advice, due to you lashing out at them wehever they try to help. Please take this under consideration.

 

Good point. in real life you (or I) basically do that.

Here, in internet, we may be more open and we may discuss the advice. Thats what internet for: to be able to discuss things, not only to be polite and keep r mouth shut

Whats the point in not discussing things? We already have that in our real life most fo the time.

 

The internet was created so the scientists could share discorveries and information learned with others around the world, so in a sense you are right

 

Also discussing the advice only goes so far, I was given the impression that you were building a barrier when we tried to simply answer your question. Hopefully this does not turn people off from 'discussing' things in future.

 

if you like feeling of being a scientists... well it is nothing fancy, really.

 

You call it a barrier: think about from the other side: you dont expect people to agree with you all the time, most of the time.., do you?

if fact you dont! But still every single act of disagreement might make you see some "barriers". Well, it is just we, humans.

 

I think a goal of a discucsion is to figure out what works the best and what doenst. So the goal is to _figure out_, and not to be friendly.. or polite..or quiet.. nice or reserved. It doesnt hurt of course, but in fact it doesn't matter.

[Mun]

I have to make a point that one of the things we stress here on eNotalone is that all members express respect and consideration for others.

 

So in that sense, yes you may ask for advice, but you should not flame or otherwise disrespect the members if you don't like what they have to say. You can politely disagree of course...

 

and on that note I would like to remind everyone to stay on topic. It seems we are now discussing the value of the advice and not whether being a Nerd is a turn off.

[Kitz]

Oh, my god. I give up.

 

[Caldus]

al7, maybe we can talk on Yahoo again some time and we can sort things out.

[al7]

I have to make a point that one of the things we stress here on eNotalone is that all members express respect and consideration for others.

 

So in that sense, yes you may ask for advice, but you should not flame or otherwise disrespect the members if you don't like what they have to say. You can politely disagree of course...

 

and on that note I would like to remind everyone to stay on topic. It seems we are now discussing the value of the advice and not whether being a Nerd is a turn off.

 

To be on the topic, I am nerd and it allows me to look at plain facts not only our emotions.

I am also very aggressive in my thinking but respectful as well.

Now look, here eveyhing was archived, so it is EASY to look who was not respectful and who was.

 

I am pretty sure that a nerd's ability to look on facts nd keep his\her cool

can be regarded as disrespect sometimes by people who think it is better be polite than honest.

[Mun]

Oh I'm sorry al7 I wasn't referring to you specifically, I was making a general statement about respect on the forums.

 

What I was trying to say was that we can all disagree with any advice given so long as we do it in a respectful manner. There are plenty of sites that allow flamming and disrespect, but this is not one of them.

 

I hope that clears it up.

[weirdrabbit]

al7 in another post you wrote this "To have a gf is no big deal thats right - the question is what kind of gf: the only chicks were interested in me (based on online expereiced and looking at my pics) were really fat chicks"

 

Thats just as superficial as people judging you on your clothes, its a bit of a double standard

[Kitz]

al7 in another post you wrote this "To have a gf is no big deal thats right - the question is what kind of gf: the only chicks were interested in me (based on online expereiced and looking at my pics) were really fat chicks"

 

Thats just as superficial as people judging you on your clothes, its a bit of a double standard

 

OMG. Hahahaha, Al7, look! You're just as bad as us supposedly horrible people who judge you on the clothes you wear.

 

To keep on topic: Being a nerd isn't exactly a turn off -- having a horrible personality is, though.

[skyteph]

al7 in another post you wrote this "To have a gf is no big deal thats right - the question is what kind of gf: the only chicks were interested in me (based on online expereiced and looking at my pics) were really fat chicks"

 

Thats just as superficial as people judging you on your clothes, its a bit of a double standard

 

OMG. Hahahaha, Al7, look! You're just as bad as us supposedly horrible people who judge you on the clothes you wear.

 

To keep on topic: Being a nerd isn't exactly a turn off -- having a horrible personality is, though.

 

OMG talk about being hypocritical

But with all do respect I don't think it's the clothes turning women off anymore

[al7]

al7 in another post you wrote this "To have a gf is no big deal thats right - the question is what kind of gf: the only chicks were interested in me (based on online expereiced and looking at my pics) were really fat chicks"

 

Thats just as superficial as people judging you on your clothes, its a bit of a double standard

 

Sorry I dont get where is that superficiality here.

1. A big deal is to fly to the moon, to win 1 mil in lottery.. to get a gf is no big deal if do not have any other "requirements".

 

2. Where is double standard?? I stated MY own online experience. it cant be any kind of "standards" .. it is a fact.

 

So please clear up your " superficial" and "double standards".

[al7]

al7 in another post you wrote this "To have a gf is no big deal thats right - the question is what kind of gf: the only chicks were interested in me (based on online expereiced and looking at my pics) were really fat chicks"

 

Thats just as superficial as people judging you on your clothes, its a bit of a double standard

 

OMG. Hahahaha, Al7, look! You're just as bad as us supposedly horrible people who judge you on the clothes you wear.

 

To keep on topic: Being a nerd isn't exactly a turn off -- having a horrible personality is, though.

 

Would you mind to clarify why you say "bad"? I am interested in your morals here.

 

You see, we all respect surgeons. They make us healthier and cleaner.

But we all hate the things surgeoons do.. cutting flesh, a view of blood, sewing human organs.

I feel here the same way: we all want to be smart, happy and nice.

But to get the truth behind polite things we have to honestly think about what we see and "cut" and "sew" whenever we have to. I am doing this: I state facts.

 

You didnt like my phrase "really fat chicks".. Do you mind saying why?

I stated the fact and didnt disrespect anyone. You call me all sort of things just to feel morally superior???

Better pm me if you want to contniue talking, I feel it is offtopic.

I just have never thought that being overmoral is an attractive thing.

[Mun]

I think what they mean is that it would be superficial of you to want others to accept you and how you dress ( your appearance) but yet you would not accept a "fat chic" because of her appearance.

 

So did you go out with any of these women that showed interest in you?

[al7]

I think what they mean is that it would be superficial of you to want others to accept you and how you dress ( your appearance) but yet you would not accept a "fat chic" because of her appearance.

 

So this makes me curious. Did you go out with any of these women?

 

That sounds good cuz it is clear what you mean

 

I believe "chicks" is ok word and "fat" is accepted word also. In fact I have some fat, so I can state "I am slightly fat guy". I guess it is ok, because it is a fact. If I am shy, it is ok to say I am shy.

what I did here is just SHARED my experince: fat chicks do tend to contact online even if they have photos. thats it.

Did I judge anyone???

Did I reject anyone already? Did I disrespect nd call name anyone?

I believe it is acceptable way of expressing my experience.

 

if I say "fat guys" would people who called me "this and that" feel relieved? If yes they play too much for women team. And we all know the game should be fair.

 

for the simple, harmless facts I got all soft of bad adjectives here.

Wow. Those girls like facts of life....

 

Sure, I did go out with some of them. Some were good, some were not.

[weirdrabbit]

well in full context of what you wrote in your other post, it gave the impression that you were disappointed with online dating because only "fat chicks" contacted you. Thus giving the impressin that you were not too fond of fat chicks

And i didnt call you any names, i said it is just as superficial as people having impressions on what people wear.

[Mun]

It sounds to me like these women found you interesting even though you yourself believed that being a nerd was a turn off. Apparently they didn't think so. That was a great opportunity for you to date and get out there.

[al7]

 

1. well in full context of what you wrote in your other post, it gave the impression that you were disappointed with online dating because only "fat chicks" contacted you.

 

 

2. Thus giving the impressin that you were not too fond of fat chicks

 

1. True. Of course I was disaapointed - why only fat chicks are willing to communicate? where others? average for example?

Plus those who are really fat are in minority... means just a very few chicks were willing to communicte. So very true.

 

2. It depends. Sometimes it is true, some time it is not.

if I am not attracted to her chemistry I don really care if she is fat or not.

If I am attracted I dont care how many extra pounds she's got.

I do not classify fat chicks as unattracive, just it is not easy to find chemistry in only one type of chicks. I missed out a lot of other types due to, I suspect some superficialiy regarding my looks. But it is onlye a suspicion. might not be true.

[al7]

It sounds to me like these women found you interesting even though you yourself believed that being a nerd was a turn off. Apparently they didn't think so. That was a great opportunity for you to date and get out there.

 

 

Hmm I did and got out. Just number of fat girls are too small, way less than the rest of all girls.

imagine: you post a profile and only guys with red hair contacted you. would you like this kinda sitution? Wouldnot you ask yourself where are the others??? Maybe it is somthing wrong with my profile?

moreover I'd rather go out with somebody who got some extra pounds than sombody who is slim. But it is just me.