Should I stay?

[cws09]

Alright, I'm really confused...I have been engaged to my fiance for six months, we were together for two years prior to that. He has always been a very opinionated and has a 'no f***s given' attitude. He says what comes to his mind, and he's never been nice about it. I knew this from day one. He was never outrightly mean to me though until the last two months or so. Two months ago we moved 500 miles back home to live with our parents after he had gotten temporarily laid off due to workload. I was fighting going back to my old job and in the meantime broke my foot. I was unable to work per doctor's orders for three weeks. When I finally decided enough was enough and I needed to be working, I went back to my old employer and was rehired, but did not return to work for four weeks after my initial visit with them. That apparently rubbed my SO the wrong way, because he was constantly berating me and calling me lazy for not already having been working, even though I had already been hired back, just not actually working yet. He threatened to keep his unemployment checks from me and I would have to find a way to pay for OUR car on my own. He enjoys drinking with his friends, but never knows when to stop. The last time he drank I had such a hard time getting him to my parents where we stay, that I drove him to his own parents house and after I went upstairs to get them and came back down to prevent him from leaving and/or being destructive he was shoving me out of the way to get to the door. His mother lost it. This is far from the first time I've been drunkenly shoved. He continued to berate me and call me a b**** and hit me with many f*** you's. This is a normal drunken night unfortunately. Anyway, he has been very against me hugging him or kissing him and he shoves me away. The only time I am able to touch him is when he wants to...you know. I tracked his phone one night to his ex's house and when I confronted him about it, he told me he was at the bar down the street. I later confonted him about the bar's hours and how it had been over an hour since close and he told me he was sobering up in the parking lot which I don't really believe...I then told him about how I tracked his phone a few weekends earlier when he told me he was having a boys night. I was glad I didn't have to deal with his drinking, but he was very slow to respond to my texts all day. When I tracked his phone earlier in the day he was most certainly at his friends house, but had moved to a different location only a few hours later. He then said he was too drunk to come home and he was spending the night. I had no idea at the time whose house it was, but later connected the dots. He claims he was still at his friends and the phone pinged wrong...Anyway. I really need some advice, I don't want to give up, but I think I deserve better. I can't tell if he's acting like this because he's not able to provide. He's a good person, he just doesn't treat me well. I really do love him, I am just so unsure as to what is the next step.

[melancholy123]

Why on earth do you want to marry a drunk? They make lousy partners and I predict a disaster of a marriage if you follow thru. There's no reason to think, at this time, that he will straighten himself out and become a responsible person. Do NOT marry him. In fact, you need to leave him. He treats you so badly, do you see that he's abusive to you? You need to wake up and see him for what he is.

 

Yes you do deserve better. Much better. Have some pride and self respect.

[arjumand]

What are you for? He is an unemployed abusive drunk. He isn't a good person, he's a nasty manipulator. Go back to where you want to live and get away from him ASAP. Then go get some counseling to find out why you would have stayed in such a toxic relationship for any period of time.

You can do better and your life can be much better. Really.

[Knot2loud]

He's a good person, but he doesn't treat you well...

 

Let me ask you this... Can you picture yourself being married to this man, having kids with him, growing old with him and being happy?

[greta96]

This is far from the first time I've been drunkenly shoved. He continued to berate me and call me a b**** and hit me with many f*** you's. This is a normal drunken night unfortunately. Anyway, he has been very against me hugging him or kissing him and he shoves me away. The only time I am able to touch him is when he wants to...you know..

 

I hope you're not seriously considering still staying with him and marrying him?! What you describe is abuse, plain and simple. Emotional and physical abuse. Nobody in her right mind would put up with this, just think about it, if he's like this now, how is he going to be one, two years down the road? Is this the kind of life you want to settle for? A miserable, oppressed life full of psychological and corporal bruises?

You can't be serious, I refuse to believe that an adult would even consider not throwing the piece of garbage to the curb... What's to be confused about? To me, this is as clear as day: this individual is everything you should NOT want in a husband/boyfriend/whatever.

 

So no, you shouldn't stay. You should run as fast as you can, and not look back or listen to his pleas for you to stay. Thank your lucky stars that he's showed you who he is before you tied the knot, and take action. Of course you deserve better, anyone does. Nobody deserve what you're going through, unless for some reason you think you do?

 

I don't know, but I would tell him where to go in this many words, and I'd be done with him. Ew...

 

PS - no, he's not a good person, quite the opposite. Abusive drunks are not nice people.

[youareworthy]

PLEASE, PLEASE LEAVE. He is in no condition to be a kind, provident or good boyfriend, husband or father.

There is nothing positive in this situation. You MUST take care of yourself and get out of this relationship immediately.

You can do it! You are worth so VERY MUCH MORE than what he is giving you.

[catfeeder]

I can't speak for you, but the first time someone spoke to me the way this guy speaks to you, I wouldn't deal with him anymore--much less stick around to get shoved or handled by him.

 

Why is this even a question?