My boyfriend's friend's girlfriend keeps being rude to him and his friends.

[YouHadMeAt]

First off, sorry if my formatting is bad. I'm posting from my phone. If this is not the right section for my post, please redirect me. Also, it may be a lot of text so I'll post a tl;dr at the end.

 

 

 

Okay, well, my boyfriend (We'll call him Andrew) and I have been together for 3 years. Things are wonderful. He lives in off campus dorms with three roomates. Jake and Lee are both friends of his since ~Elementary school. The third roomate isn't really relevant since he tends to stay in his room or gone.

 

 

Lee has been with a girl, Alicen, for almost two years now. They began dating in HS like my BF and I. Lately, Ali has been taking it upon herself to be rude to my boyfriend and really anyone. I'll give some examples.

 

-Andrew was a few states away for the entire Summer. When he came back, one of the first things she said to him was asking if he got fatter. Andrew said she was being completelt serious. My boyfriend, if anything, is near underweight.

 

 

-My boyfriend's father doesn't want him to get a job until next semester to make sure he get's through school a bit. I know some people are going to say he should get one anyways, but he doesn't want to anger his father who is paying for most of his college. He also does not have a vehicle at the moment, making a job search more difficult anyways. That being said, Andrew doesn't get much money to buy food with. He lives off of ramen and the Uni's meal plan. Well, his roomates are really nice and share a lot of things with him, knowing the situation he's in. She took it upon herself to complain that Andrew never contributes and he should get a job to buy his own things. Andrew explained his situation, and she shoved it off and went on about how she had two jobs so he shouldn't make excuses.

 

 

-Each roomate has a different job. Andrew's is to keep the living room and kitchen floor clean. They hadn't bought a broom yet because they were getting everything else situated since they had just moved into the place. Even so, she kept complaining that the floor was dirty and that Andrew wasn't doing his job. They hadn't brought a broom yet!! She walked it one day to see the floor still dirty and muttered "figures".

 

 

Those are just some of the things she's said to him. Lee told Andrew he had a talk with Alicen about how she's been treating him. But it doesn't stop with him.

 

 

-Andrew, Jake and Lee have a mutual friend named James. James is a bit of a stoner, and has been staying in their dorm living room until he can find a place so he doesn't have to drive 45 mins back and forth to Uni every single day. Alicen doesn't like him, and I had a problem with him in the past. It's settled and good now between us as far as I know. Well, Alicen makes her dislike of him public when he's not around. For instance, one day after he went home she said "Good, I hope he never comes back" out loud. He's nothing but nice to her because he knows she isn't fond of him. Well, when Lee's around, Alicen tries to basically pressure free weed out of him. Andrew said it's like she demands it sometimes. He does share, yet she still acts this way towards him.

 

 

-Lee, Alicen and Jake were out longboarding and Jake slipped. He fell backwards and the skateboard slipped out from under him and hit Alicen's ankle. Alicen told Jake to off and threw a fit. Andrew said that Lee made her apologize to him later.

 

 

Lee's talks with her don't seem to be helping much. She stops for a little while then stops back up. Perhaps I should mention that Andew thinks that Lee is whipped. For example, Lee goes and picks her up from work simply because she doesn't feel like driving.

 

 

So if his talks aren't working, what do we do? Do we just sit back and let things take their course or do we call her out when she does something again?

 

tl;dr Boyfriend's Friend's Girlfriend has been rude to Boyfriend and the Friend's talks aren't helping. What to do?

[agent1607307371]

To be honest, unless everyone wants to gang up on Lee and barr her from the house, and so alienate their friend, there's not much you can do.

[YouHadMeAt]

We don't want to completely keep her out, we just want her to stop acting how she is. She just randomly started acting that way this semester and we don't know why.

[mhowe]

Then all of you sit down together and hash it out.

[agent1607307371]

We don't want to completely keep her out, we just want her to stop acting how she is. She just randomly started acting that way this semester and we don't know why.

 

Are you friendly enough with her to speak to her about what's going on in her life?

[j.man]

I really don't get what you want us to say. You're all free to associate and DISassociate with whomever you want. If the group doesn't care enough to collectively sit her down or simply alienate her, then it's going to come down to how each of you as individuals treat it. Likes like it's time to look into other circles of friends.

[Snny]

Well, his roomates are really nice and share a lot of things with him, knowing the situation he's in. She took it upon herself to complain that Andrew never contributes and he should get a job to buy his own things. Andrew explained his situation, and she shoved it off and went on about how she had two jobs so he shouldn't make excuses.

The girlfriend is right to be upset about this, especially if she is contributing to the groceries/dining out. Put yourself in her shoes: would you be happy to share your Chinese take-out or pizza delivery every time with your boyfriend's roommate who doesn't pay his share? You guys are broke college students, and food cost really does matter. She should not feel obligated to share her food with your boyfriend, especially if he has a meal plan on campus. Her ending comment expresses how she feels she is being taken advantaged of by him.

 

Your boyfriend is freeloading if this happens regularly. The polite thing to do is decline the offer if he can't financially contribute. Perhaps his dad could give him some spending money somce he doesn't want him to work? There's no excuse that he can't get a job ON campus. Depending on the job, many campus jobs will even let you work on homework while working if it's not busy. Universities are very flexible with student school schedules. It doesn't pay much, but it's enough to have spending money and be able to eat out with friends/buy booze every once in awhile.

 

Even so, she kept complaining that the floor was dirty and that Andrew wasn't doing his job.

Unless she lives there and actually paying rent/utilities, she needs to butt out. She can B all she likes, but it's none of her business to dictate since it's not her place. Put up and shut up. I'm sorry, but most college guys' places are normally trashed and not kept clean. With a person like her, I would blow her off and tell her to do it if she doesn't live there and pay rent.

 

Andrew, Jake and Lee have a mutual friend named James. James is a bit of a stoner, and has been staying in their dorm living room until he can find a place so he doesn't have to drive 45 mins back and forth to Uni every single day. Alicen doesn't like him, and I had a problem with him in the past.

He doesn't pay rent either. He taking advantage of ALL THREE OF THEM.The fact he is not a listed tenant could cause your boyfriend AND his roommates to be evicted. He needs to get out or your boyfriend will lose a place to stay during the school year. And if this friend is bringing narcotics over, everyone will be held liable under drug charges for possession on the property.

 

So if his talks aren't working, what do we do?

There's Nothing you can do. You cannot change a person, so don't even try to change her- it will backfire. Just stay out of the drama altogether and don't go over to their place as much anymore.

 

We don't want to completely keep her out, we just want her to stop acting how she is. She just randomly started acting that way this semester and we don't know why.

This is who she is. And Lee is an adult to figure out if he wants to stay with her or dump her. But whatever happens, don't even speak to Lee about his relationship with his girlfriend. You will not win, will get sucked into unnecessary drama, and put your boyfriend in between you and his friends.

 

Do you guys seriously lack some social boundaries here?