Damaged People... Rebound... here is you reading entertainment for the night.

[RiverDust]

Hello Friends,

 

I haven't been on here in a few years, I was the cocky SOB that at the time had all the answers of how in the situation i was in was able to play the game to get my ex back in less than 30 days. Yes i pulled every dirty card in the the book, and i did in fact get her back even with someone else in the picture. I am not here to write about that person though. That relationship ran its course over a 2.5 year spiral downwards, had a extended breakup for almost 10 months until we both met our other persons. In that extended breakup my ex was willing to chase me the entire time but was not willing to change what needed to be changed on her end to make things go forward so we never did. Because of the length of the breakup yes there was attachment, however i was no longer looking forward to a life with her. It's funny though 10 months later i actually hung out with her and her now husband and it was fun, and she still tells me she loves me >

 

Anyway off unto the reason why i am writing this...

 

I was down about things with my ex, so i forced myself to go out one night to a big event. Not in the territory of my ex i considered all the places we went to off limits for a long while. Be it the booze or night, i had met someone and i am an extremely picky person. For me it has to just hit me like a truck. We talked for a while, then the booze kicked in and we were all over each other. Found out she's a mom which i know bothers a lot of people but not me because i am a single father myself.

 

Fast forward- we get to know each other very quickly spending tons of time together and everything seems for lack of better words perfect. Over the course of getting to know each other, she says that she isnt totally ready for something too serious due to that she was in a horribly abusive relationship with her ex of 6 years which is also her daughters father. She explains the whole story to me and i am in disbelief being a father myself of how much of a complete piece of **** this man is. she has been officially broken up with him for 3 months, had a short "rebound" fling between him and i. I was hesitant, I told her that it was ok if she needed time to sort things out and we can just talk as friends for now and maybe pick things up later. She wanted no part of that because of the connection we instantly had. She said we should date with out dating others and not really put a label on it, so my response was "so you want a committed non committed realationship?" I was like ok whatever, then she said she just needs a few months to sort things out but yes, maybe six months and she should be good.

 

I was crazy about her, but wasn't about to start spilling my guts out about it. Things between us were incredibly good, actually more than that for about 6 months. Her daughters father disappeared for months at a time during this course. Then she got pissed being that she saw my interaction with my daughter and some of her friends with their kids. so she called him to rip him about it. he agreed to meet up and they did at a public place, all he wanted to talk about was them, not their daughter. She wanted no part of having that conversation only about their daughter. I was in a rebound relationship before so i was pretty protective of the fact that she may at any time pick up and leave. But no, not at all, she was still all about us. im going into too much detail. ill skip to the important parts.

 

She brings her Best friend of 12 years around being that he lives 2 hours away to meet me. Him seeing how happy she was with me eventually goes into a ballistic rage, then for months he is professing his love for her.... NOW... Doing everything he possibly can to break us up or talk S*** about me. This went on for months and he wouldn't stop, she was completely blown away that he would do this. I even tried talking to him alone to talk some sense into him, saying hey this is your best friend, she's had a hard life don't you want her to be happy? he said yes i want her to be happy but not with you! i was like ok, and he left. Needless to say their friendship after many months is over.

 

Over the course of 6 months, I helped her more than i can say. She decided with me that the father wasn't paying child support, nor did he have parental rights because he refused to sign the paternity papers at the hospital to take him to court and he should live up to his rights as a father. Now mind you he barely ever see's his kid.

 

Over the course of 10 months, I was with her and her daughter all the time, Like literally. I stayed over her place almost every night, and would only be home maybe 4 nights a month. They would stay over a few times but it was mostly me being there. I have helped her through all of her court proceedings. I have taken up the roll of her daughters father, helped her through her losing her best friend. She had a pretty bad life in comparison to most people that i have met and i have always been very supportive. I build her daughters room, remodeled her place and so on.

 

In this time of our relationship, her world crashed around her. I was her anchor, and after 5 months she told me in a very sweet way that she loves me. Once... Then when things got bad in her life (court, her best friend), i have never heard those words again. After that she became distant for 2 months, I stuck around and was still supportive trying to understand( again i was there and sleeping there everyday). But publicly we were together, to her and my family we were together, then she started to downgrade it. It affected me badly. She started to pull away when things got difficult emotionally for her and i didn't know how to respond. This became our fight. The only fight we have ever had, and it got nasty. It was like every time she got too close to me, she would push me away and i wasn't responding to it well. Actually i was a D*** about it in calling her out. It got to the point that i almost broke up with her about it. But we made amends. we always talked about the future, we had a million plans, moving in together getting married ect...

 

Over time we fought more about her lack of commitment, which i did not understand because she would say she can't do an emotional serious relationship right now, but after all of this that we have been through, and me staying over every single night for at least 8 months and kissing you bye when i leave for work taking care of you and your daughter like she is my own, we are still having this conversation?

 

She had made an appointment to get 4 of her wisdom teeth pulled, I made sure with work i would be there as much as i could. Took her there, took care of her for 4 days. On the last day she was really nasty to me, i blew it off because maybe the drugs they put her on or maybe it was because of the pain. For hours she was ripping on me until she said that i have been annoying her all day. So i said ok, i dont need to be here to annoy you. I went home.

 

Next day, she texts me a nasty message saying that i left some of my garbage behind how many times do i have to tell you not to do that? im like" hi, good afternoon to you too" she says if i am going to be like this then maybe i shouldnt come over after work. so after work i go home and take a nap, wake up to a nasty text from her saying thanks for asking me how i am doing. so im like your are still trying to fight with me? I was pissed... So i ripped her apart with all my frustrations of everything i have done with zero return.. She then tells me not to contact her again. I was really nasty i am not going to lie. I told her its not my loss if shes out of my life because of how much i do for her with no return and im sick of it.

 

So then i am blocked from everything. I say ok, whatever she needs a few days to cool off. A few days later a mutual friend asks me if im ok, i say no i'm not sure if we broke up or not but i think i should leave her alone for a while to sort things out. She tells me no, she probably needs you to fight for her to show you care... I'm like, WHAT? Whats with you women? so i send her 3 texts that day...nothing.

 

I talk to my best friend and a woman at work and they tell me no im an idiot and should go after her if i want her in my life. So i text her a lot asking whats going on, lets fix this bla bla bla, she responds very angrily with our convo and that i said its "not my loss" and that i should drop off the baby seat whenever. So i'm like, OH S**T its like that. So I try telling her that i will return the baby seat but she needs to have some sort of respect and talk to me when i do.

 

SO.... I go all out. She loves when i am a mush. I left work early, went and got all of her favorite candies, got her daughter a stuffed dog cause she loves dogs and strapped it into the car seat, had flowered delivered to her place that she loved, a small party invitation that said on the outside, " here's and invite(on the inside it said) to the rest of our lives".

 

I get there, places everything in front of her door, and knock....

 

no answer.

 

I text her saying hey i am here, we should talk face to face, she text back " im busy"

 

i stay for a few minutes, then text her. ok i'm leaving.

 

I go home, and text her "hey you never gave me the chance to say what i needed to say, so i am just going to say them now and after that if you don't want anything to do with me then you wont hear from me again." so... i work it. for hours. then she starts opening up. then tells me that she needs to take a test online and after that we can talk.... To me, its good, i have gotten my foot in the door and by tomorrow sometime we will be making up... Until

 

My long term (over 25 year) friend randomly calls me and asks if we can get a drink... at this point i told my ex that i have said enough and i will wait for her to talk... Now my friend is in the biggest woman hating mood ever because his baby momma is taking him back to court when he does more than most fathers ever pay for, so after listening to him vent for 30 min, he asked what was going on with me. so i told him and he said that it is complete bulls**t that i have done all of this for what i recived... i agreed with him. and then, the drunk part of me tells her this... yep... all my @ss kissing was done.

 

next day i tried to talk to her again, more anger.

 

I havent really bothered in 2 weeks to really talk to her. i did after not really getting answers, about 2 weeks ago i caved in cause of the amount of constant rejection. i can not understand how some one could go from needing me soo much every single day and being her daughters possible father to nothing. I heard that she posted on FB that she was sad...after that i tried reaching out to her saying that everything is fixable. she said its over. then i had the joy of hearing that she was on a dating website.... i wasnt happy about it to say the least being that she always told me she wasnt ready... I did call her out on that. After that, a week later i had a ton of things planned for her birthday, all i sent was happy birthday, and she said thank you.

 

Later on after thinking about everything, i realized i was nothing more than a rebound to an extremely damaged person. She will never get back with her ex. That is something i know for sure. I am surprised that she hasn't contacted me, being that i was there so much and did so much selflessly, i know she is hurting about this. And not to be offensive to any single moms with a dead beat dad but I honestly do not see many people that are willing to fill the shoes that i have. I can be wrong.

 

Good luck all.

[ParisPaulette]

I'm sorry to hear you're going through all of this. I disagree with those women. You should not have gone after her. Those women all watch sappy movies and read crap romance novels. In real life that doesn't work if something is really off. You want the relationship where two people can talk things out, you may fight, but still you talk things out and resolve them.

 

As harsh as it is to face, you were her rebound. I don't think she knowingly used you, but you were there to hep her through everything and then when that was done, and only then, did she really start to process the breakup. And likely realize that she was single now and had no idea if she really wanted to get serious without exploring that. I hate to break that to you, but it's what it sounds like happened. And she knew that, but didn't want to be the bad guy so she just got angry with you. Many times anger is a knee-jerk reaction to deep guilt. I think she feels guilty as hella about having had you give her all this help and now bailing on you.

 

This is just my thoughts on the matter. For now all you can do is block and delete her. Let her go be single and see what it's like. Heal and move on and learn the lesson that getting involved with people fresh out of relationships is just a bad idea.

 

And here's another thought. People who are just coming out of a bad relationship are usually not at a point where they can accept or even be ready for a good relationship. She wasn't ready, for sure. She may never be so and there's nothing you can do about that. It's on her to fix.

 

Anyways heal and move on, it's what you can do.

[RiverDust]

Thanks Paris,

 

I know, and tried several times to keep everything, calm and cool between us. She wanted me to want her more and told me not to stop when i offered. It was againsn't my better judgement to introduce her to my family and daughter because of this. She always said we met at the wrong time. I am not hopeful at all that she will change her mind. i am just very hurt that I didn't listen to myself. As all rebounds go, everything was so perfect and i got fed the whole Furture fake crap. I truly wish her a good life with or with out me. I am just pissed that I fixed her life for some one else.

[SooSad33]

"i can not understand how some one could go from needing me soo much every single day and being her daughters possible father to nothing. "

- Because, YOU put yourself there.. as her 'emotional pillow'.. until the storm died down for her.

 

She wasn not ready for anything in regards to a relationship...

 

"Fast forward- we get to know each other very quickly spending tons of time together and everything seems for lack of better words perfect. Over the course of getting to know each other, she says that she isnt totally ready for something too serious due to that she was in a horribly abusive relationship with her ex of 6 years which is also her daughters father. She explains the whole story to me and i am in disbelief being a father myself of how much of a complete piece of **** this man is. she has been officially broken up with him for 3 months, had a short "rebound" fling between him and i. I was hesitant, I told her that it was ok if she needed time to sort things out and we can just talk as friends for now and maybe pick things up later. She wanted no part of that because of the connection we instantly had. She said we should date with out dating others and not really put a label on it, so my response was "so you want a committed non committed realationship?" I was like ok whatever, then she said she just needs a few months to sort things out but yes, maybe six months and she should be good. "

- Sadly... by the time SHE was starting to improve, she found YOU annoying In her way.. in her face.

 

Chalk this up as another 'experience' in the Life of dating.

 

 

Might I suggest to NOT get yourself involved with just anyone. To ASK when they were last involved ( Long term, etc) and make your call, wisely.

Im sure there were a few red flags.. no?

 

Sorry you've had to go thru this rough experience.