halfajob Posted October 15, 2015 Share Posted October 15, 2015 I have recently Split up with my wife of 4 years it was not mutual decision she wanted it, Obviously I am gutted cause I know I can give her what she wants but here is the problem. 1. I have not been there for her or my kids when I should have been 2. I make silly little mistakes 3. and a family issue on my side has taken its toll because i did not sort it out and just burried my head. 4. Yes she tried to talk to me but nagged instead of explaning it to me properly. 5. Yes every 6 months or so I need a kick up the arse but no one is perfect. 6. and she is angry at me at the moment. I have written her love letter apologising but she does not know if i am enough for her or ever will be. We have two children together and this morning she said she has not turned her feelings off she just wants to do things for her for once and concentrate on the girls. So I do have some but only little help we can try again. Cause I was romantic in the beging but got to comfortable and thought she was always going to be there and boy was I wrong. I am due to move back home to my parents which is not ideal. we are going to be freinds for the kids but and I wil try to do that but I wil always want more and even though I have had gf before she is the only one that has made me feel complete and conftable. Has anyone experienced similar and got back together or should I just walk away and leave her to it. Cause if she did meet someone else I would be gutted as it should be me spending every waking moment with my girls and her and not anyone else. Struggerling here and I know I am to Blame and I fear I have lost her for ever as I don't want to be just her friend. I have my girls who i love dearly I will only feel half complete without her and want to be a happy family. I have already decided that if she wants to separate/divorce she can do it cause she wanted the break up not me. Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted October 15, 2015 Share Posted October 15, 2015 Can you be more specific about your mistakes and how you weren't there for the kids? And what did she have to keep talking to you about? Link to comment
melancholy123 Posted October 15, 2015 Share Posted October 15, 2015 If she won't go for couples counselling then you should go yourself. Find out all you can about yourself and whatever you did wrong and learn to be a better person. You are getting ahead of yourself worrying about her dating someone else down the road. Your immediate problems need to be attended to first. You need to sort out custody, any monetary issues, visitation etc. for your kids. Link to comment
halfajob Posted October 15, 2015 Author Share Posted October 15, 2015 My brother caused a rift and she was doing all the fighting and I was feeling so down and low had no fight in me, have not stood up for her enough but she forgets the times that I have. silly mistakes like not putting stuff away after me leaving shoes right behind the door's. etc general man stuff I have not cheated or anything. but its so confusing one moment she says she is angry with me and wants to put herself 1st for once then she says if something develops with this friend of hers its nothing to do with me but she has not heard of him for a couple of days so she does not think it will. Link to comment
kbbcoop77 Posted October 15, 2015 Share Posted October 15, 2015 To be blunt my ex wife said the same thing, wanted to find herself, be on her own...blah blah..total lies she had Mr Wonderful lined up, a mutual family friend/acquaintance ....it seems like if they're done they're done. Sorry for your pain, be there for your daughters and maybe she'll want to try again, balls in her court. Over time you find you usually don't want someone back who dumped you. I had an opportunity years ago before my ex wife was even in the picture but it didn't work out, the pain she had caused me came flooding back and I had moved on. Link to comment
mhowe Posted October 15, 2015 Share Posted October 15, 2015 1. I have not been there for her or my kids when I should have been 2. I make silly little mistakes 3. and a family issue on my side has taken its toll because i did not sort it out and just burried my head. 4. Yes she tried to talk to me but nagged instead of explaning it to me properly. 5. Yes every 6 months or so I need a kick up the arse but no one is perfect. 6. and she is angry at me at the moment. 1. If this is true, its a HUGE issue. She is doing the parenting, and you are coasting. 2. Silly mistakes, like leaving your crap all around makes her feel like your parent, not your partner. 3. You played ostrich while she dealt with your brother (loses respect for you, and realizes you don't have her back) 4. She "nagged" instead of telling a grown man to grow up. Seriously? 5. You keep needing prodding --- again, you are her husband, not her child. 6. What she is ---- is sick to death of not having a partner. Link to comment
tattoobunnie Posted October 15, 2015 Share Posted October 15, 2015 A woman doesn't start off nagging. It turns into nagging when their partner isn't being accountable. A love letter means nothing. It takes more than love and fleeting promises of change to make a marriage work. She is not angry at you at the moment - I'm sure it's been building - you sound selfish, and after all this time with putting up with your behavior where everything revolves around your needs, she's had it. Give her space, and be a proactive parent. It's not her job to carry you, and kick your butt to grow up. Same with your own happiness - it's up to you to grow up and make your own happiness. Link to comment
halfajob Posted October 16, 2015 Author Share Posted October 16, 2015 Non of you know me so I am not selfish yes i have been selfish by taking her for granted i will admit that. I do see it from her point of view i really do I know i need to sort myself out to stand any chance of getting my wife back I have my kids to concentrate on and will be moving out shortly. I know words dont mean all that much I do want to show her but at the moment I cant. I am planning to leave her some flowers when I move out with just a note saying thank you for being my friend mother of children and wife. I will be here if you need me take care. Her Mom thinks that would be a good idea. she has said she is not trying to move on yet she just wants to sort herself out have some fun and get on with things as well. She has not turned her feelings off yet. and I know if i keep pushing her it gets her back up. We are both to blame for the break up more so me then her and I know where my faults lie I just hope in time I can go home and be a proper family again. Cause out of all the women I have been with, which is not many what i had with her and my kids felt write felt good and i felt comftable. Me moving out is a good thing. gonna try and stay friends for the girls i just hope its not forever. I am an idiot for letting this happen in the 1st place. If i have lost her and my family unit then I only have myself to blame. and i really don't want anyone else. I wont change who I am just need to tweak a few things and show her I can do it instead of saying I am going to do it. I do hate myself for this but I know i have got to be at peace with myelf and be a good farther and try to be a good friend if I can handle it. Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted October 17, 2015 Share Posted October 17, 2015 I think it would be very frustrated if I were your wife. And even now you still hold her responsible for being your mother as opposed to recognizing you need to be a man and a full partner. That means cleaning every day even when you don't feel like it; that means standing up to your brother; that means being there as much as she is for your kids. Promises are meaningless here. Link to comment
tattoobunnie Posted October 17, 2015 Share Posted October 17, 2015 Perfect example, watch the movie, The BreakUp. The guy doesn't grow up. Thinks it's temporary, and is based on recent events. She is sick of it. You ask for advice, but say you don't plan to change. Obviously, how you have been acting and handling things is NOT WORKING. Being selfish - it's either you have been, or haven't. You aren't just a little selfish. There's no such thing as being a little pregnant. Either you are, or you aren't. The fact that you think you haven't done much wrong, it's not gonna work out. Link to comment
Silverbirch Posted October 23, 2015 Share Posted October 23, 2015 I'm sorry for what you are going through. Yeah does sound like some selfishness, but doesn't sound like you were a total "B" and probably not a bad person. You could try going over to Al Turtles website. He has some articles there that might be of help. Good luck. Link to comment
halfajob Posted October 23, 2015 Author Share Posted October 23, 2015 Excuse me I said I would not change the person I am I would just make improvements to the things that have caused us to break up, I know what I have done wrong I have not said that i do not think i have done much wrong. she is and will always be the woman for me she is all that I prayed for and all tht I have ever wanted. I have messed this up. Link to comment
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