advice needed - seeing someone new after break uo

[Kate221]

So basically I split up with my long term partner not long ago.

 

It was a horrendous break up which left me terribly depressed. He was cruel and the whole experience left me devastated.

 

I was on the verge of a mental breakdown when my best friend introduced me to a work colleague. At this point I was beginning to feel better and get my life together.

 

We went on a first date and I had a really lovely time. He is such a nice person and it felt so nice to be around good company and to finally feel like myself again.

 

However my ex is still getting in contact with me and a part of me still loves him and misses him. I'm finding it very hard to let go and cut all contact.

 

I dont want to let this new guy go just because my ex treated me horribly. I obviously still have feelings for my ex and I'm not over the relationship but I would like to be.

 

Am I wrong for seeing this new guy? Does it mean I'm leading him on if I'm still healing from the break up?

 

I would like nothing more than to be happy and find someone nice after what I went through, just wish I could stop these feelings for my ex.

[Capricorn3]

I obviously still have feelings for my ex and I'm not over the relationship but I would like to be.

 

Am I wrong for seeing this new guy? Does it mean I'm leading him on if I'm still healing from the break up?

I think it would only be fair to the new guy that you be upfront and tell him exactly what you have said above. He deserves the truth about where he stands. imo.

[Missed]

If you want to move on you need to cut contact with your ex. Be brave, I did it and (same boat as you met new guy not long after previous relationship ended) the ex kept popping up even though my feelings for him had faded a hell of a lot. Ever since I cut contact it was the best decision. (he even tried the last ditch effort of telling me I am one in a million, blah blah - didn't mean anything to me by then) He needed to let me go and let me get on with life. Which I am thankful for, 3 months now officially together with the new guy and very happy

[ChellyV]

Just put yourself in his (ex) shoes, how do you want to be treated?

While it is normal for our ex's to cling to us somehow, I think the right thing to do is just go NC on him so you can give this new relationship the opportunity to grow.

[Movingforward3]

I think just being casual is just fine. Make no promises to the new guy and see where things lead. Who knows what will happen with the ex.

[SooSad33]

"I dont want to let this new guy go just because my ex treated me horribly. I obviously still have feelings for my ex and I'm not over the relationship but I would like to be.

 

Am I wrong for seeing this new guy? Does it mean I'm leading him on if I'm still healing from the break up? "

 

Yes, I suggest you take some decent down time to work on YOU now and healing from your rough relationship.

 

You're not 'ready' to move on yet, mentally & emotionally. You're just not ready for dating yet.

You need time to workon getting yourself back to good- or you'll most likely mis-treat this new one.

 

At least 6 mos to a year... on your own.

[ParisPaulette]

You need to a) cut contact with the ex and b) not be in such a rush to slot someone else in.

 

This honestly sounds more like you have issues about being alone and you are going entirely about healing the wrong way. You need to learn how to be on your own, to get strong and to make a good life for yourself through your own accomplishments and hobbies and friendships and family, and then you can be free to find a better relationship.