Never had a girlfriend

[howgaard1452]

Hi there

 

First time I post, but here goes: The main issue is that I'm 27 years old and never had a girlfriend. Never been popular among girls, or have had any easy time being among them.

I feel I'm kinda stucked in my life, where it mainly consist of a 32 hour/week job and hanging out with a few friends. Been told of others that I need to get a hobby, where I have an opportunity to meet some girls. The problem is that I dont either the drive or the desire to anything when I'm coming home. I know that my life can seem pretty sad.

 

There was a girl from work who I talked to alot and had a great time being around. She had a boyfriend, but didn't seem to be in a hurry to get home after work, when we talked about about diffirent stuff. We also wrote to each other when we got home, and I felt that there maybe was a girl who liked me back for once. The feelings kinda evolved for me, and I thought to myself that I had to tell her, even though she had a boyfriend. She told me back that she never had that kind of feelings for me, and the rejection was kind of harsh, was very suprising for me. I knew that she may not be in love with me, but at least think I was nice to talk and hang out with me. So the rejection felt very cold and harsh, and I got in a sad mood after that.

We still talk when we see each other, and having a great time, so it all seems very confusing to me.

She broke up with her boyfriend this summer, but have already found a new one. Maybe it just was me that thought she may also have liked me, and I thought I might have had a chance after she broke up. Doesn't seem to be that case, and I'm having a hard time moving one, since I feel I have nothing to move on to. Maybe I should have done more? Any tips to let it go, even though we work together?

 

I felt like I had to write it somewhere and may get some tips and support how to move on, even though my lovelife always have been almost non-existent. I'm born with harelip (google it) and it have always been an issue for me.

I dont see myself as boring, but I feel I need someone close to experience life with, to move on.

 

Looking forward to hear from you

 

Michael

[92151794]

Hey I think when most people don't look is when they find love most of the time. I think with that girl yes the rejection was harsh and that would be hard but in the end you have to let go because she is not showing any interest beyond being friends. I don't think thats likely to change. In the dating world just be yourself. I am new to dating too and have not had a long term relationship yet. But I have come close. The point is don't give up it will happen if not with her than with another girl. Maybe right now dating is not the right choice right now with work and everything but when your ready and find someone you want to pursue who reciprocates your feelings you will know it.

[DoF]

Past is irrelevant. What you do from this point on is really all that matters.

 

You never had a girlfriend because you never too steps/actions to get one. Girl friends don't just fall from the sky into your lap. They require action and work!

 

1st thing you need to do is get over your fear of rejection. How do you do that? By getting rejected! You need to just face your fears and ask a girl out for a coffee next time you see one that's in your league/you like. First of course, ask her if she is involved. Anyways, as you get rejected, it will become more normal.

 

Remember, EVERY SINGLE GUY on this planet gets rejected. Even the best looking ones, the most popular.

 

It's simply a game of numbers.

 

You know the job advice? For every 100 applications you fill out you would be lucky to get one or 2 calls?

 

Same with women. So ask yourself, how many "applications" have you filled out?

 

You need to take action or your life will zip by you like you were standing still. Keep your lack of relationship history discussion to the minimum (if a girl asks).

 

As for girl at work. NEVER EVER date at work. And for women, stay away from those that a)already have a boyfriend, b) engage with opposite sex WHILE they have a boyfriend and c) once that jump from one relationship to another without healing. This takes 3-6 months after long term relationship.

 

As for letting it go. Be friendly, (say hi ONLY), but DO NOT be friends. Stay away from her and do your best to deflect thoughts of her when they come to your head.

 

And by all means find a hobby. Look into your childhood. What did you like as a kid? Start there. Sports, walks, hiking, biking, legos? Figure it out man. You NEED to find things that you enjoy doing.....often you will find great people that share similar interests.

 

Good luck

[Dottieflanogon]

Don't give up hope and have faith in yourself. It is not unusual for people to have no experience with girls during their 20's. In fact, it is probably the best time to date because girls around that age are more mature and understanding, unlike many girls who are in middle school or high school.

[sleepingdonut]

You really do have to find ways to put yourself out there, build your social circle, and engage in situations where you can meet women. I had a few girlfriends in my late teens and early 20's, but none since. I'm in my 30's now. The reason is I simply don't go out as much or socialize as much as I used to. More of a conscious choice on my part for complicated reasons, but the net effect is the same.

[H8Reality217]

once again, people will say it's never too late for this guy, even if he was 40-year old virgin

[hawkmoon]

I never kissed a girl until i was 24 and never had a gf until i was 26.

 

I was trapped in a routine of living with my parents while studying/working and hanging out with the same people, so not many chances, and when I met any girl I would fell in love directly in the friendzone because I didn't know how to act to express my feelings to her, or i was too insecure for it. (mainly lack with experience!)

 

When I got 26 i moved to a different city, living by myself, different people and routines.... and everything changed quite fast. I started going out with different people and having more attractive hobbies (ie. also sports & nature vs only computers and books) and suddenly i was quite successful. I would go out less but would have some success every time, because i was talking with girls instead of just drinking. At the beginning success was to meet some nice girls, then to kiss, then one night stands... and little by little i understood i wanted a relationship, but first i needed some experience to understand that.

 

So don't give up: life is long and things can change quickly. Work on yourself, on doing cool things and be happy yourself and girls will be attracted to that. Consider changing environments, activities, people around you... Don't allow yourself getting involved with girls with a boyfriend. Thinks that as girls grow older they are more mature and some stop looking beyond "the cool guy to be seen with" and more into somebody who cares for them....