What should I do with my narcissistic girlfriend?

[Cheeese]

My girlfriend is a full blown narcissist person, it's been a long rough 11 months of roller-coaster ride with intense high but far more immense low. At the beginning of the relationship, I wasn't really aware about the existence of a Narcissist personality and she was one of it as I was hooked on wanting a relationship with her after deciding to chase after her.

 

When I first met her at my workplace, I wasn't really attracted to her but everyone was talking about her and wanted to chase after her. She's very attractive and has a charismatic presence of "girl next door" which I think is probably why everyone thought that she was their "soulmate" even back in her high school, everyone is crazy after her where she was titled "love at first sight"

 

I was never attracted to her but would always intentionally pass by her to get her to notice me and then play hard to get which I think is probably why SHE made the move on me. As weeks goes by, we started to talk more and finally went out on a date which is the start of our relationship. There's been a couple of times at the beginning where I caught her red-handed and she'd threaten to break up with me saying stuff like she's a bad person and I should find someone better than her, I was devastated when she said that but decided to just continue on flirting and trying to make her happy even when I know she was using some trick to cover her embarrassment of exposure.

 

On Christmas's Eve, she went back to her home town to celebrate Christmas and told me she'd be back in a week until a friend of mine saw her at the mall with her girl friend a day later, I immediately confronted her for not telling me that she was back and ignored her for the rest of the night, she'd apologize profusely afterwards and starts explaining things to me. We had our first arguments about the day she lied to me when put her on the spot whether truly loves me or not, she threatens to break up with me again afterwards and I started crying thought that she was leaving me for real. Only to figure out days later that it was just her tricks of getting away from the guilt, me crying fed has her "Narcissist supply".

 

Things got better a lot since, we celebrated New Year's Eve together that touched her heart emotionally and started to slowly showing herself and feelings towards the relationship. In the next few months, we developed a close relationship together and she'd tell me more and more about herself. Based on what I was able to get from her and me doing the Science question, she previously had a 7 years relationship that fell apart and has affected her for 2 years.

 

Our relationship was very one-sided most of the times but I was able to learn and grow MORE THAN A LOT as a person from her which is why I decided to hang on despite sometimes treated like a supply to her Narcissism. I understand that she's treating me like a doormat and disrespected me quite a lot but I love her more than anything and would actually willing to fight until I no longer truly feel the relationship is worth fighting. The only time(after she has fully accepted me as her boyfriend) that she becomes unfaithful considering to cheat on me is when we had a huge fight during her period about our communication issue and me putting her on the spot harshly to change herself or break up with me. She cried the whole night not talking to me after the argument and actually tested me whether I'm truly sorry for what I said by asking me to wash her clothes which I didn't and that was the beginning of her lost of feelings and started drifting away from me.

 

 

I love her like she mean the world to me but after being away from her for 3 months(started long distance) and having all the time in the world to do some research about my girlfriend's personality the whys and the hows, I found out that the only way I could get her back is to feed her Narcissism first because that was exactly how I managed to spend more time with her and using those time to win her heart.

 

(She lost all of her feelings on me and I'm only making things worst by bombarding and exposing her about her Narcissistic side. She's giving me the silent treatment now for that reason and I'm afraid that she might completely move on from me if I continued telling her about me.

 

Should I just start the NC rules?

Will she totally forget and move on that she has a boyfriend over here and test the new guy for some supply of her Narcissism?

What happens to our relationship when she found a new guy that could feed her Narcissism during the NC?

She hasn't say anything about the relationship and has not changed any of our relationship status.

[Movingforward3]

Any personality disorder will be hard to deal with. No contact is likely ur best hope, but it won't always work.

 

Check out link removed

 

It will help.

[TMifune]

IF she's a narcissist, then the greatest thing you can possibly get from her is her absence from your life.

 

Most likely if she's found new supply then she won't be back to feed from you unless something happens that she feels is threatening her current source of supply.

 

Yes, no contact. Ignore all breadcrumbs. Work on being less co-dependent so that if she ever does try to crawl back in your life you won't feel like a source of supply anymore. You do not want her back.

[Cheeese]

She IS a Narcissist, a very manipulative one. Doing something that is obviously wrong and manipulating her way to get away with it making me feel like I was guilty one, isn't that a Narcissist?

 

I love her very much. She's treats me like a boyfriend at first up until the argument we had during her period, she started to treat me like a supply for her and would just try her best to get a revenge on me but I just wouldn't give it to her because I knew something was wrong but I didn't realized that she'd lost all her feelings towards me and started being distant to me after few days later.

 

I feel like she just wants revenge on me for exposing how I made her cry the whole night during her period, I'm hurt her ego real bad and there's not a damn thing I can do about it as a boyfriend.

 

She gave me the silent treatment after finding out she was talking to another guy(new source of supply) and we had another huge arguments on that, the guy in her class is her potential source of supply.

 

I know this might sound stupid for wanting to keep a narcissist but we haven't really broke up yet and I'm not really ready to lose her because I know what I could learn from her. Is no contact really a great idea to lure her back and feed her from there because the guy in her class is having a huge crush on my girlfriend and I'm afraid that she might be hooked on the guy's supply and cheat.

 

My girlfriend likes it when she gets away with something that is obviously her fault and me saying sorry for it but since we haven't been talking in quite a while, is there any advice I could get to somehow "feed her" and get her to be on my side back.

[Capricorn3]

Has she ever been professionally diagnosed? If not, I don't think it is ever wise to label people with the latest "in word" when you have absolutely no experience/education in such matters. Simply reading a little piece of information somewhere and then deciding "ohh, she's a narcissist" (or any other personality disorder) does not make it a fact.

Who knows what label she's put on you.

[Cheeese]

I know where you're going , you thought I'm just that bitter boyfriend didn't you?

 

Well, I wasn't really aware she was a narcissist and I was her source of supply until I'm starting to notice strange things about her as our relationship progressed.

 

I thought the moment we started dating was the moment she fully accepted me as her boyfriend and slowly bring me in to her world until I started catching strange things about her with her lies, vanishing for a few days, not letting me know what's truly going on in her life and I'd interrogate/pressure her whenever she does these kind of things and she'd threaten to break up telling me not to find her any more WHEN SHE KNOWS I WAS ALREADY HOOKED ON HER AND WOULD TAKE THE GUILT.

 

Earlier on in our relationship, I'd interrogate/pressure her when I'm starting to notice more and more unusual behaviour(Ex: vanishing and not telling me anything about her) that a girlfriend shouldn't have and she'd use her tricks of telling me find another girl / she's not worth it / don't find her any more when she knew I'm suspecting something on her.

 

I'd put her on the spot "If you truly love me, you would tell me that you'd be back in a day instead of fooling me that you won't be back in a week" and she'd break up with me afterwards unless I starts crying.

 

That's her Narcissistic side, I'm hoping somebody to understand what I'm trying to say here.

 

She does things that are obviously wrong but when I'm mad and started to interrogate her on the things that she did, she'd start giving me the silent treatment until I feed her ego telling her that she was right and I was wrong for being mad at her.

 

My main priority was to ensure that she's into the relationship with me but when she doesn't show me how much she's into the relationship, I'd stop feeding her ago. I knew her tricks and flaws and I countered all of her Narcissism which played a huge part of her losing all her feelings towards me.

 

She's still my girlfriend but I feel like I'm being discarded and she has set her target on the guy in her class. I would love to win her back but I don't know what to do since she's discarded me and stopped talking to me when I exposed her. Is she going to find me back if I go NC or she's planning to dump me with this guy.

[Capricorn3]

I know where you're going , you thought I'm just that bitter boyfriend didn't you?

No, not at all. I just have a major issue with people who put labels on others when they have absolutely no idea of the facts. All the things you describe above does not describe a narcissist (imo). Do you even know the real meaning of the word?

 

That said, when I read your post and your talk about constantly interrogating her, I would say that this points to YOU having issues of your own and perhaps seeing a therapist would help you.

 

You two are a bad match and it won't work. End things for good so that both of you can move on and find a better match.