I'm sick of her personality but she disagrees on breaking up.

[Cheeese]

We've been dating for almost a year now, the relationship is very one sided most of the times with me making sure that we have a relationship while she on the other hand just waits & cherry picks whenever she likes to. She tells me that she loves me but I just never feel that she means it judging from how she handles & sees the relationship.

 

She does things on her terms & whatever that benefits her without having any concerns who might be affected even her family unless she's completely busted and exposed. She's a great liar too, a very manipulative one & has the ability to make people believe that she's on your side and get away with things. I don't think she has any worries or concerns whatsoever in her life, but she's very good at following the flows that life offers her and making the best out of it.

 

The relationship is a tough one and very exhausting emotionally, sometimes I just feel like giving up on her but as bad as I've described her, I've seen what type of person she could really be and might be very beneficial to me growing as a person which is probably the reason why I'm still holding on.

 

She tells me that this is the relationship but I don't think she truly cares about it unless we're having an anniversary date or something but I'm pretty exhausted chasing after her for the sake of the relationship when she doesn't even cares about it. Breaking up has been a debate that she disagrees, should I just keep working on the puzzle or should I just act like her?

 

(PS: I'm looking for some advice that could be helpful for the relationship or me as a boyfriend, not the typical "break up and move on" advice because she's a long term relationship type of girl which I'm super new in and our relationship feels like we're an old couple)

[BingYu]

I will be the first to apologize here as I am probably not much if any better than you when it comes to a situation like this and know what it feels like as I have been in the situation in the past. Personally though I chose to break it off which I regret. Whether to this day or not I am not sure. Secondly, most of the time it may feel like that...from my reasoning...it might be because you may be a person who might not feel comfortable or ready to lead in a relationship, especially if you are not one to have done so in the past.

 

Sorry if it is very limited in help but this is as much as I can say with that I've lived through in my life. All the best mate and good on you, for choosing to stick with it and fight for your girl!

[Tanzi]

How can we give you the advice you want when we know nothing about your relationship or you and your gf other than what you have told us ..... AND when what you have told us is so negative.

 

Too many people come here, giving us their woeful story saying they want advice but then tell us what we can't say. I don't mean to be rude but if you don't want to hear the truth from an outside, unbiased perspective then there is no point in asking for advice in the first place. What you get here is the truth ... the hard facts .... a reality check if you like. What you won't get are words covered in sugar, coated in cotton wool then wrapped in bubble wrap sent to you on a fluffy cloud ... all because it is what you WANT to hear.

 

You said your girlfriend was a manipulative liar who only does things in life that benefit her. This is HER and this is your relationship. If you want to try to change it that then you are going to be on a very long and lonely journey and I wish you well but I can't give you advice on it.

 

Of course she doesn't want to break up with you .... she's on to a good thing. The relationship is on her terms and you follow those terms.

 

All the best mate and good on you, for choosing to stick with it and fight for your girl!

 

That is a very skewed perspective to have. There is no hero here and there isn't any fight here. Just a guy who doesn't want to let go of his selfish and manipulative gf and who is clinging on to the hope that she is going to change.

[toby17]

Breaking up has been a debate that she disagrees

 

It takes 2 people to get in a relationship, but only one person to leave. You don't have to have a debate. You could just leave.

 

should I just keep working on the puzzle or should I just act like her?

 

Should I keep banging my head against a wall trying to get this girl to change or should I accept her crappy version of a relationship and emulate her?!?

 

Pft.

 

Actually, you should emulate her. Take responsibility for your half of the relationship - no more, no less.

 

(PS: I'm looking for some advice that could be helpful for the relationship or me as a boyfriend, not the typical "break up and move on" advice

 

So, you're going to dictate what kind of advice I give?!?

 

because she's a long term relationship type of girl

 

Is this because she's super selfish and a relationship is a good deal for her? Because from what you say, she doesn't sound like much of a keeper.

[Cheeese]

My girlfriend had an ex-boyfriend of 7 years that fell apart. It was her first serious relationship, had plans on getting married, meet her family, accepted him fully just like I'm expecting.

 

So now that it fell apart I think she's still dealing with the feelings that come with it. She's a lot more guarded about letting people know that much about her and her family as she's scared that there'll be another person in the world who's seen that part of her that could just go and leave.

[Tanzi]

My girlfriend had an ex-boyfriend of 7 years that fell apart. It was her first serious relationship, had plans on getting married, meet her family, accepted him fully just like I'm expecting.

 

So now that it fell apart I think she's still dealing with the feelings that come with it. She's a lot more guarded about letting people know that much about her and her family as she's scared that there'll be another person in the world who's seen that part of her that could just go and leave.

 

I don't really see how this relates. Most of us have a past. It's no excuse to treat others badly. If she is still carrying emotional baggage from a previous relationship then clearly she isn't over it yet. You are still in a crappy situation with someone who you said doesn't truly care about the relationship ... and are hanging on because you think things COULD be different. But the reality is what you've had for the last year is what you will continue to have. By all means hang on ..... but just don't expect it to change.

[Lucia Amman]

My girlfriend had an ex-boyfriend of 7 years that fell apart. It was her first serious relationship, had plans on getting married, meet her family, accepted him fully just like I'm expecting.

 

So now that it fell apart I think she's still dealing with the feelings that come with it. She's a lot more guarded about letting people know that much about her and her family as she's scared that there'll be another person in the world who's seen that part of her that could just go and leave.

Oh ok. I well guard myself up than. My relationship lasted 8 years and we got two children. You are saying your girlfriend is entitled to her behaviour, I say she isn't. When you start dating or start another relationship than have your ducks back in a row again and don't let another person pay for what some ex has damaged. I repaired myself, we're not damsels in distress waiting to be rescued. We can heal and must so by ourselves. Not through someone elses hand. You can sit by her while she heals, but still not be ok with how she is treating you as a boyfriend. Set your boundaries and be firm with her. After a year I would expect she is over the pain her ex caused, i've a very hard time to feel sorry for her. She has a boyfriend that cares for her and she is treating it like dirt. When is she going to grow up? Let her fix herself first before calling it a relationship.

[Movingforward3]

Ur in bit Of denial. I know it is hard with someone u love, but have to have boundaries. She loves this relationship, as it is on her terms. One sided and all. R u will I got to live with that or do u want more?

I have been there and done this. It is not any fun when most of the effort comes from u.

What do u want and do u think she will give it to u?

[tallydoo]

You don't have to agree to break up. Like someone else said, it takes two to be in a relationship but one to end it. Don't hold on for "the kind of person she could be." Look at the person she is.

 

And just because she might be good for you doesn't negate the fact that you're unhappy. Your SO should make you happy AND be good for you, not be that gross vegetable on your plate that you tolerate because it's good for you.

[j.man]

Don't listen to the other posters, OP. You need a good break-up attorney.

[Fudgie]

It takes 2 people to get in a relationship, but only one person to leave. You don't have to have a debate. You could just leave.

 

I am quoting this for truth. You can leave any darn time that you want! She can't MAKE you stay! As you said, you're sick of her. So leave! Tell her you're done, and then block points of contact and don't engage her anymore.