My nephew gets away with everything

[Countrywide88]

My 7 yr old son and 11 yr old nephew. My mom and I took to the park to play. We had 3 other kids with us to. But don't pertain to the issue. Anyways it was getting towards the end of the day. It was hot and the kids were getting tired and whinny from playing hard for hours. Well we were just about to leave to the car had everything packed up. Just standing talking for a bit before we left. My mom and I were talking but looking at the kids. My 6 yr old son was tiredly walking away from us. So he had his back to my mom and I. Well my 11 yr old nephew went and hugged him from the back. It looked innocent at first until my son turns around and is crying and said my nephew dug his nail in his neck. It wasn't bad but it left a mark. I asked my nephew why he did that and he looked at my mom and I and said he didn't. My mom tells my son Nathan didn't do that and the mark was old. When I clearly could see it wasn't. I asked my nephew to show me his nails and they were long. My son has a bad habit of biting his and has none. My nephew not only went up to my son who was minding his own business dug his nail in his neck then lied about it and got away with it with my mom. My son and I got home so he tells his dad what happen. My husband listens and talks with to make him feel better. So I text my mom and tell her she really hurt his feelings. She then says she will talk to my nephew and now my son can't be at her house when my nephew is there. My nephew is spoiled by my older sister so I know that's part of the reason my mom is letting him get away with it. Don't get the wrong idea my mom and my son have a great loving relationship. But my nephew gets away with everything. My older sister will hold her kids over my moms head to. But I don't think my mom is dealing with it the right way.

[SapphireNoir10]

I don't think it's necessary to turn it into a big drama...If it was me I would have told my nephew off myself and then left it at that.

 

It's not your nephews fault he is spoiled or allowed to get away with everything....it's your sister thats the root of the issue.

[musicman777]

Well I'm sorry but I find nothing about that behavior acceptable and you have every right to speak up against it. The last thing you want is someone in your family growing up to be a hot-headed jerk. Look, I was a boy growing up once, I did something similar like this one and got in deep **** and never did it again. That kid needs to be punished and told that behavior is hugely unacceptable, especially against his own family. Next he'll try doing it to a girl and that is NOT ok. Tell your sister that enough is enough. If she don't change, tell her you will now allow her or her son around your son ever again, period.

[SapphireNoir10]

I'm saying I agree what he did was bad...but I wouldn't take it out on the kid or OP's Mom...the root of the issue is her sister and that is who needs to be talked too

[toby17]

You should learn a few things now and you should teach them to your son.

 

First, your Mom for whatever reason doesn't want to admit that your nephew does anything wrong. Trust me, she knows, but for whatever reason she makes excuses for him.

 

Second, trying to convince her, or get her to admit it, is a waste of time. Trying to convince other people is also unproductive.

 

Third, some people will always get away with things and other people won't believe you. Don't waste your time trying to convince them. Remove yourself for the situation.

 

Fourth, your nephew will be worse off because people look the other way and excuse his behaviour. But it might take a long time before you see the consequences. Don't hold your breath waiting but they will come.

 

Fifth, keep your son away from your nephew.

[pippy longstocking]

Fifth, keep your son away from your nephew.

 

 

^^^^ this is what I would do if his mother isn't prepared to listen to the facts !! He is 11 years olds ...this needs nipping in the bud now , so until it is I would be refusing to allow mine to mix with him .

 

edit to say ..I am basing my response on age here ..there is a big difference between 7 and 11 , had it been two 7 yr olds I would have told him off and got on with the day .

[Seraphim]

Remember this is difficult for your mother both these boys are her grandchildren. Speak with your sister about it not your mom.

[j.man]

Why again can't you directly call your nephew out? I don't mean asking him why he did it. I mean sternly telling him right off the bat that what he did was inexcusable and telling him to apologize to your son. Any one of my aunts and uncles were free to put me in my place if I messed up. If your sister is the type to leave her son in your care without giving you authority over him, then she or your mother can deal with him exclusively. It sounds like there's a decent age gap between him and your son anyhow, so I'm not sure your boy's getting a whole lot out of hanging out with him.

 

As Victoria mentioned, your mother is the wrong go-to. The great thing about being a grandparent to most grandparents is that they get to do the fun parenting things again while not worrying about all the punitive dealings. She doesn't want to deal with what she would consider sibling drama again between your son and your nephew and is going to be interested in simply diffusing it. In this situation, that means pretending nothing happened and avoiding future situations by not having them with each other around her.

[Moontiger]

When I watch my nieces they don't get away with jack. And they know it. Auntie will put them in time out, take away toys, and doesn't put up with tantrums.

 

What your nephew did was wrong and right then and there you should have pulled him aside, scolded him, and told him that if he cannot behave he will not be allowed on outings with you again. Then you should have instructed him to apologies.

 

You don't get angry, but you make it clear the behavior is unacceptable.

[Feast]

Pretty simple really, either speak to your sister to correct the behavior or keep your son away. Yes the behavior is inappropriate. Scolding your nephew at the time would have been fine too. Keep mom out of it.

[Seraphim]

My mom has more grand kids than she can count on 2 hands. And she makes the distinction that she's the grandmother not the parent. There is bound to be bad behavior between cousins. There's bound to be bad behavior between kids period. Kids don't have the same ability to regulate behavior as we do.

 

It is also very natural to want to protect your children.

 

But just remember these are family members not people off the street and your nephew is still a child as well.

 

Don't put your mother in an impossible position. Both children are the children of her children.

[Countrywide88]

I love my nephew and my sister. I dont see them much because we live about 40 min away from each other and my mom lives right in the middle of us. So my mom is the main one who gets the kids together. I'm probably at my sisters twice a year and she comes to my house about the same. I really wasn't around my nephew when he was little because I was a teenager. I would babysit him here and there for my sister when I was still at home because my mom and her worked. then moved out and started my own life. I would see him here and there only during the holidays. I'm settled down now and see him a little more then I used to. He's never stayed the night at my house nor my kids go to my sister it's usually always my moms. I've got on to him before in front of my sister for small things like running in my house and stuff like that. My sister has never said anything about it or cared. I did start to scold him for what he did. But my mom interrupted and asked my son what happen so I let him tell her. She tells my son it was a old scratch and it clearly wasn't. So I then said to my mom it wasn't old. I think my mom realizes she was wrong. but when I asked my nephew why he would hurt someone and then call them the liar. Maybe she sided with him when I went from dealing with it like kids will be kids to mad because he hurt someone called them the liar and was getting away with it. I thought about telling my sister but I feel she won't do much because he will just lie to her and she wasn't there. She will look at it as kids being kids not her son hurt another person then lied.

[Countrywide88]

My mom has more grand kids than she can count on 2 hands. And she makes the distinction that she's the grandmother not the parent. There is bound to be bad behavior between cousins. There's bound to be bad behavior between kids period. Kids don't have the same ability to regulate behavior as we do.

 

It is also very natural to want to protect your children.

 

But just remember these are family members not people off the street and your nephew is still a child as well.

 

Don't put your mother in an impossible position. Both children are the children of her children.

 

I agree. These things happen it's apart of growing up. I'm just mad my son was hurt then the liar and now can only visit when my nephew is not with which he always is because my sister and brother in law work around the clock. She is a RN and he's a police officer.

[Seraphim]

Well, your mom said what she said to avoid a big stink now she doesn't want to have the two kids together to avoid a big issue. Right?

 

I mean I understand your urge to protect your son. BUT, is a little scratch on the neck now worth all this that the two cousins can't be together and you can't see your nephew? Sounds like a lot of overreaction on everybody's part.