Need some help

[Kate221]

Definitely going to do that. Unfortunately no matter how far I go the feeling never goes away. Still unsure why I'm feeling so low about this lately. I've been moving forward but now I feel stuck. Maybe it's the change in seasons. Who know. Hate feeling like I want to talk to her after all that's been done to me. She moved on. It's over. That's what I keep repeating to myself.

 

I am going through something very similar and I know how painful it is. Unfortunately for me my ex lives 3 streets away and we have the same part time job. We live in a very small town so I cannot avoid hearing what he is up to. I cannot afford to move away or change jobs so I am stuck with seeing him every single week.

 

I have been to rock bottom and I know how awful it is when you cannot shake those memories. As everyone has said, it simply takes time. I'm clinging onto that.

 

From reading all of your previous posts on this thread I feel that I must tell you how much of a nice genuine person you sound. You helped your ex out with money and even though she treated you so awfully you haven't turned bitter.

 

You will eventually come out of this situation as the better, happier person because thats what you are. She does not seem to have any respect for people or their emotions and you do. You will find someone who will appreciate you and take care of you, it just takes patience. It sounds as though she has been removed from your life for a reason and you will be thankful one day. Just keep going and don't allow this situation to change you as a person.

[can1328]

Appreciate the kind words. I think you're right about the respect and caring about peoples emotions. That seems like the last thing on her mind when it came to me. She couldn't care less how I was feeling. This is why I really feel annoyed that I still miss her. I was doing alright this weekend since I kept myself busy. But now I'm feeling a little low again. I know it's a cycle but I'm getting tired of it. I hope I'm able to shake these feelings soon. 3 months into the breakup and it seems like an eternity. And to think... only 3 months after 6 years of a relationship and shes already with another guy and vacationing with him. Just incredible to me. I haven't heard from her in about a month. I think that's it for her reaching out. That's a good thing though. As much as I want her to come running back so I can have the satisfaction of telling her she screwed up, that wouldn't be any help at this point. The goal is to move on. And that's what I'm trying to do.

[can1328]

Having a low day today. I had an extremely vivid dream of the ex last night. I think it reminded me of how long it's been since I saw/spoke to her. It's so strange. Sometimes I feel like she is going to walk in the door. Other times she's like a distant memory and I don't even recall what she looks like. I guess these are the steps in the grieving process. She's made no attempt to contact me after I completely ignored her the last time. She texted several times and e-mailed. I guess that was the last ditch effort to reel me back in and now that's faded away. She still makes payments every 2 weeks automatically for the balance she owes me. I guess the feeling of finality is coming on me now. I do not want her back. I could never take her back after such betrayal if that situation arose. But after 4+ months I'm still sad she'll never be in my life again. The ups and downs are tough but I notice the downs happening less often. I'm just looking forward to feeling indifferent.

[catfeeder]

I'm just looking forward to feeling indifferent.

 

You will. You can expedite that by absorbing yourself in stuff that brings you pleasure, and you also recognize that you'll have some occasional bumps that will feel lousy. Those are necessary, but they don't require any major epiphanies to do their job. So you don't need to work too hard to get through them, just allow them and trust that you're still working the process just fine.

 

Head high.

[can1328]

I've absorbed myself in so much. I have plans nearly every weekend. Concerts, visiting friends, friends visiting me, etc. I just went on a weekend getaway and am also going on another trip next month. I have gotten into a gym routine and go everyday now. I feel great and very healthy. I've been seeing a therapist every other week for the past 2 months which I've never done before. With all that, I still can't get her out of my head. I still wonder about so much. It's actually scaring me that I'm going to be stuck in this rut for so long. I was in love with someone who wasn't in love with me. She betrayed me so many times in the last year of being together. That was supposed to be the time we got engaged, took the next step in life, etc. We bought a home together. I thought that was it. Now all of my closest friends are engaged or married. I can't even stomach dating someone new yet without associating it with my ex. It's been nearly 3 months since we last had a conversation and 4 months since the break up. I've always been the type that's wanted a partner and wanted to start a family. I come from a close and loving family and that's what I've always wanted. I feel like I may not have it that way anymore. It scares me. I'm trying to be so positive and keep extremely busy but this rut seems never-ending.

[catfeeder]

I come from a close and loving family and that's what I've always wanted. I feel like I may not have it that way anymore. It scares me. I'm trying to be so positive and keep extremely busy but this rut seems never-ending.

 

It's not never-ending, it's just a gradual liberation rather than a sudden one.

 

Avoid the trap of thinking in terms of 'never' and 'always,' because it will bum you out, and for zero benefit.

 

It makes no sense during your most miserable times to assign 'this' as your 'always' state, and to prescribe it into your future (lookup 'Einstein on Depression'). That only digs you into a deeper pit to try to climb out of.

 

Rise above the habit of measurement. Accept your toughest times as temporary instead of trashing all of your hard work by assigning 'this' as the state it has lead you to. It has NOT. Grief is natural, it has stages that we all cycle through (lookup 'Kubler-Ross, Stages of Grief') and these are not neat and linear measurements of our progress. They are messy cycles we will ascend and descend through until we've worked them all out, and this takes t.i.m.e.

 

Head high.

[can1328]

NC has been broken. Our mutual friends mother passed suddenly. I already knew because they had been staying with me for a few days while they get everything organized. She texted me to tell me. When I didn't respond for 10 minutes she wrote a nasty message to me. Along the lines of "I know you don't want to talk to me because it will make you upset but this isn't about you" and "I'm trying to put this aside that's way far gone." I answered with 1 line saying how I knew and they had been staying with me. She responded "oh." Then an hour later she felt the need to tell me about a friend of mine texting her while she was visiting the area last weekend. She said it's inappropriate.

 

Why is she still treating me with disrespect? Why do I still feel awful about it. I guess I shouldve never answered but I did. Feeling disappointed in myself.

[catfeeder]

Why is she still treating me with disrespect? Why do I still feel awful about it. I guess I shouldve never answered but I did. Feeling disappointed in myself.

 

For what, exactly, are you disappointed in yourself? You corrected ex's assumptions to prevent a downward spiral of inaccuracy. She felt embarrassed by that, and so she threw out a comment intended to make you jealous.

 

If you didn't respond to that, then you didn't take the bait--so congratulate yourself for that.

 

She sounds like a ninny, and while that's unfortunate, you have your grieving friends to focus on at this time. Go there, and you'll thank yourself later.

[Ms Darcy]

Why is she still treating me with disrespect? Why do I still feel awful about it. I guess I shouldve never answered but I did. Feeling disappointed in myself.

 

She treats you with disrespect because you keep offering yourself up. People don't respect those who don't respect themselves.

 

Just block her.

[can1328]

Yes. You're right in a way. I don't think it's that I don't respect myself. I think it's more of the fact that I'm not allowing myself to let go. I'm still obsessing over the betrayal but I can never change what happened. I agree I need to block her on everything. I admit, I block her on social media but I still leave a line of communication open. I need to cut that. That's false hope in my mind.

[can1328]

For what, exactly, are you disappointed in yourself? You corrected ex's assumptions to prevent a downward spiral of inaccuracy. She felt embarrassed by that, and so she threw out a comment intended to make you jealous.

 

If you didn't respond to that, then you didn't take the bait--so congratulate yourself for that.

 

She sounds like a ninny, and while that's unfortunate, you have your grieving friends to focus on at this time. Go there, and you'll thank yourself later.

 

I responded to her last text about the "friend" of mine texting her with "he's no longer in my life." That was it. She wrote back but I ignored after that. So altogether I wrote 3 sentences to her.

[catfeeder]

I responded to her last text about the "friend" of mine texting her with "he's no longer in my life." That was it. She wrote back but I ignored after that. So altogether I wrote 3 sentences to her.

 

Great. So you want to create angst for yourself over 3 lousy sentences? You didn't grovel, you corrected her assumptions of self importance.

 

Good job. Head high.