Is it ever too late for closure?

[MsFrankenstein]

"Revenge is a dish best served cold"

My 8th grade English teacher taught me this quote. It always made sense to me even though I am an extremely impatient person. Over 14 years later and I still think it is a great line.

BUT

How late is too late, guys??

Here's the story in the smallest nutshell I could find:

Met a guy, INSTANT insane chemistry. Never happened before to me.

Fairytale "romance novel" tornado of emotions and lust ensues. Poetry type crap.

Fast forward a couple months - guess what? He's married. 2 kids.

So obviously dirty rotten scoundrel, yes yes I know.

My pathetic defense > This guy is charismatic, charming, almost eerily compelling... Something out of a friggin twilight vampire what's it.

So - obviously I'm upset. Try to stop talking to him etc. Fail miserably.

However, did NOT hook up with him again.

He messages all the time at this point. Vulnerable emotional stuff and I try to be what I think is a "good" person and I listen. Attempt the friend position. That's never what he wants, he always ends up on the topic of me. Buttering me up I suspect?

Still never went anywhere. Point for me!

6 months later I had the opportunity to see him at a public venue with other friends and tried my best at the "revenge outfit" thing. You know, you look crazy good with the only intention of going "look what you missed out on, genius"

Well that part worked but I did NOT get the closure I needed.

He was still as arrogant as ever, asked me where I was staying and if he could "stop by" later.

And this is what pisses me off the most - I didn't get to actually speak to him. I didn't get my 15 minutes of showing him how good I'm doing and all that other cliche . So I'm feeling like nothing was accomplished and I still have the same unfinished business to attend to. For myself, not him. Screw him.

So here's where the revenge dish is getting stone cold.

That story ^ was 4 years ago.

I'm with an amazing guy that I hope to marry. I am the happiest I've been in my entire life.

So I'm feeling like ok if I see him again at this point.... It really will be closure cause to be honest - I don't think I was truly ready back then anyways. I was just trying to speed up the process.

Anyways, we still have mutual friends that every so often have get togethers with lots of other people and it's a good time. Live music, dinner, drinks etc. I have been actively avoiding and no-showing at these events because of HIM.

Next time I have the opportunity to attend, and know he will be there - should I put my big girl pants on and do it? Or am I at the point where it doesn't matter anymore?

I have both of these thoughts almost equally. It is in my nature however, to be extremely stubborn and want the last word. I feel like this demon of a situation I have slayed will never rest for good until I have the last laugh.

And by last laugh I mean, simply not being bothered at his presence and being strong. I'm a quiet person. There will be no y glaring and snarky comments from me.

He is the sort of person that can make you freeze up and forget what you wanted to say, even after preparing an epic 200 word speech.

I want to throw myself into the lions den so to say - and for once come out smiling. Not torn apart.

Thoughts?

Xoxoxo

[melancholy123]

After 4 years you are still obsessing about this guy? He should be nothing but a bad memory, and that should have happened about 3 years ago. If you want to go to an event with your mutual friends, GO! To hell with him, you dont need to show off to him what he missed out on! He's got a wife and kids, for heavens sake! Get a grip. This is such water under the bridge, you've got a new guy who care about a lot, why do you waste energy and time thinking about this jerk? He deceived you big time, your plan for revenge isn't going to get you anywhere, there's nothing to get revenge for. Time to truly move on and dont think about him, he's not worth the effort.

[Hollyj]

You got your closure: HE'S MARRIED!!!

 

OMG! It has been four years, and your still wasting your energy over this guy! I feel for your bf.

 

I think that this has to do more about your ego that anything else. You, seriously need to get over yourself.

 

This guy is a total creep. He is a cheating, lying a$$hole, and you're still pining over him. I suggest you seek some counseling, as this is really unhealthy!

[appies]

I don't think you quite understand what closure is, it isn't revenge... But an understanding that its over. Only you can make that, not him.

 

Moving on and living your life to the best of your abilities is the best thing you can do.

[TMifune]

My pathetic defense > This guy is charismatic, charming, almost eerily compelling... Something out of a friggin twilight vampire what's it.

 

LOL....really? That's the model for what charisma is?

 

I truly hope your current relationship is grounded in a realistic and mature sense of love and that you've dispelled any elements of ridiculous fantasy.

 

If you want to attend the event, attend it, but I wouldn't waste any energy considering if he'll even show up. He's a cheating, misleading ahole who you knew 4 years ago!