My boyfriend cannot cum during sex

[gpeech9]

i love him and care about him but he cannot cum ever during sex. it has never happened. we can have sex for an hour and nothing works. he can get off by himself but not with a real woman. it's so distressing and makes me feel like sh**. i'm an attractive young fit healthy female. i don't know what to do. i don't see myself being with someone like this. he has great other qualities but this is a big issue for me. what to do? contemplating breaking up. he is young too. i shouldn't be dealing with this right??????? i have never had this problem with past guys

[Leonffx]

Maybe he's holding up because he watched too much porn and want to act like the actor be super good at sex and last very long or he masturbated before having sex a man can ejaculate approximately 30 minutes between ejaculation (this number grow up after each ejaculation in a row and depends on men) but we can get a second erection around 5 minutes after and have sex only we won't feel many things we can still do it that's just my idea maybe that's not it it never happened to me sorry but maybe try to stop him from masturbatiing and all (porn, etc...) during one week or more (we need 3 days to create the max sperm our testicule can hold) and the more he will wait the more he will get excited and ejaculate faster

[SophieGrace]

How long have you been together? Is this new or constant? Have you guys talked about it? What did he say?

 

Funny thing is the first thing I wondered as well was what his porn-watching habits are, only because another guy suggested this might be the problem in another post on ENA from a woman in a similar situation. Not sure if the psychology behind not being able to ejaculate is what Leon suggests, but wondering if a young guy watching too much porn might detract from his ability to connect to you?

[sara-pezzini]

Maybe he is used to the tight grip of his own hand and then he cannot cum from sex because the grip isn't there. He has to desensitize again and get used to a vagina instead of his hand. Or you can try finishing him off by hand, that's what i did with my ex, that way i still got to finish him off and that worked well

[Clinton]

Whats the problem though? Does he get you off? Is it an ego thing for you because you can't get him to cum? Do you not enjoy sex without ejaculate? If he can go for an hour, he's doing pretty good.

 

I think you're over reacting by a country mile if everything else is good.

[itsallgrand]

Could be a lot of things. Most of them not having to do with you at all!!

 

On the positive side, you could be enjoying this...if you don't focus on him having to get off. If he isn't bothered by it, truly, then why not enjoy it?! Ask him if there's anything you could do or that he'd like...but other than that....not sure why this is such a big issue for you?? Also, you could have a long love making session and then he masturbate in front of you if you want to watch him getting off. ?

[ThatwasThen]

Whats the problem though? Does he get you off? Is it an ego thing for you because you can't get him to cum? Do you not enjoy sex without ejaculate? If he can go for an hour, he's doing pretty good.

 

I think you're over reacting by a country mile if everything else is good.

A giving lover gets a lot of arousal from seeing that their partner is thoroughly satisfied. If he's not coming for her then its a problem with satisfaction for her. (possibly)

 

Its no different then a guy not being able to ever get his girl off. After the initial infatuation and lust wanes (from being together past the honeymoon stage) then that passion one feels that satisfies enough to not worry about cumming will also wane and that's when the dissatisfaction in one's love life will start to rear it's ugly head.

 

Not too many women want to be plowed for an hour straight without seeing her man pop. Not too many women enjoy being pumped that long either. It's exhausting ... particularly if we've already had an orgasm or two or three already.

 

OP: Its not the porn itself that would be the problem. It's how he's learned to make himself orgasm that is likely the problem.

 

No vag can grip like a hand can. Can he cum during oral or when you use your hand?

 

Here's a link on topic. Google "Delayed Ejaculation" for others.

 

link removed

[itsallgrand]

^I think it really depends on whether or not it's something that bothers him or not.

Maybe he is taking anti depressants and this is just how it is...yet it does not cause frustration for him.

 

I think if it's bothering both of them, then together they can work on a solution.

 

If it's only on her end, and she doesn't enjoy it, then it could very well be something that is about her own ego. The idea that you are so hot that a guy can't help but orgasm almost instantly at the sight and feel of you.

 

Meh, I can see both ends of it.

[sargon]

He's got a mental block, you gotta approach it gradually.

 

You have sex, after you've orgasmed, he pulls out and jerks off all over your VJ. Then next time he jerks off while thrusting in and out a bit, mostly being out. Then time after that he's mostly in while he's also jacking himself.

 

After a few of these he'll be more in than out.

 

Same technique can work with your mouth. He puts it in, you suck, he pulls out, he jacks himself the entire time eventually finishing off all over your lips.

 

I'm getting excited just writing thi.... oops

[ThatwasThen]

^I think it really depends on whether or not it's something that bothers him or not.

the Op is bothered by it and that is what this thread is about, no?

Maybe he is taking anti depressants and this is just how it is...yet it does not cause frustration for him.

It takes two satisfied people for two people to be satisfied. There is no indication that he is on meds. Is he on meds, op?

 

I think if it's bothering both of them, then together they can work on a solution.

I think if its bothering one person then they should work on a solution or else they will be two people who are separate from one another as in "single."

 

If it's only on her end, and she doesn't enjoy it, then it could very well be something that is about her own ego.

Well, yes, like I said if she is a lover that likes to give and she's not able to "give" then it's going to affect her pleasure. It's not only about the ego... it is (or it can be, anyway) it's about what she enjoys.

 

The idea that you are so hot that a guy can't help but orgasm almost instantly at the sight and feel of you.

Oh that is not what I read in the Op at all. It's a possibility of course but there isn't anything in the Op to indicate that being the case. Nor is there in what I'm saying either but its obvious that she isn't pleased with the situation and that is the issue.

 

Meh, I can see both ends of it.

Me too but just going on the Op... she's not happy so he either has to work on his delayed ejaculation or I suspect he'll be pulling the bishop even more if she exits stage left out of frustration.

[gpeech9]

answering some questions. I don't orgasm either and he isn't on any meds. kinda sucks when your man can get off to porn and his hand but not you. thanks for your help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[ThatwasThen]

Did you read the link(s)? I think if you understand more about delayed ejaculation you won't feel that its all about you. ^^^ which that post kinda makes it seems is how you're feeling (as was mentioned, your ego IS feeling it).

 

If you don't orgasm either, do you masturbate? If you do, then he could very well say the same thing about you. No?

 

You didn't reply to the question of whether or not he cums when you give him a hand job or oral? Does he just not pop during intercourse or does he just not pop, period?

[gpeech9]

Read the link thanx : ) yea my ego is feeling it. I dont orgasm because he doesnt really try....... he never goes down on me or does things he knows I like. I am a giver with sex so when my man cant get off ever it's like a shot to the heart. He only cums from hjs

[ThatwasThen]

Read the link thanx : ) yea my ego is feeling it. I dont orgasm because he doesnt really try....... he never goes down on me or does things he knows I like. I am a giver with sex so when my man cant get off ever it's like a shot to the heart. He only cums from hjs

Okay, so have you discussed with him some strategies he might try to get himself "unused" to the grip he's become addicted to?

 

He might try using his left hand

He can try not masturbating for a week or so

 

However: if he's selfish in general then it really doesn't matter that he had delayed ejaculation does it. He's not taking care of your needs in any manner. You've discovered you're not sexually a match. Not much else you can do if you're not willing to talk to him about his problem and you don't have the patience to teach him what you need him to do or he refuses to do it anyway.

 

Dating is about finding if who you are infatuated with is going to be a good match for the long-haul. I don't think you've found your match in him. Sorry.