Is it possible to change your personality?

[GigiGaga]

You probably are already thinking "no your personality is what it is" after reading the title. But please read because i need some help with this issue that has to do with my personality. Ok so naturally i tend to be a calm serious person, not very expressive or loud, I'm not sensitive and i have trouble feeling empathy for people. I also don't think I'm the nicest person either and I've caught myself being manipulative at times. But for years I've been putting on this act with a new personality I sort of invented. I wish i was naturally cheerful, bubbly, sensitive, emotional, kind hearted and innocent, goofy and care free. It was hard to be consistent without letting my true self slip out at first but now this persona I've created has become a habit. When I'm interacting with someone i snap into the person i want to be. But i don't feel like I've really become that girl yet. It's an act now but will it ever become genuine? I want it to be so badly. I've tried to like myself but I just don't and i like being this fun bubbly girl more. Will pretending to be kind and caring lead to actually being kind and caring? Will acting like i care about someones feelings or bad day lead to genuine concern?

[Seraphim]

Some people believe in fake it till you make it I don't really though. True change comes from a lot of self reflection and understanding why you are the way you are. I don't think true change comes from faking.

[Seraphim]

By the way what's wrong with having a calm serious nature? I have a pretty serious nature myself but I don't see it as a drawback.

[RelaxByWater84]

I would be yourself. The "personality" that you have created will eventually give way. It always comes out in our worst moments or even happy relaxed moments. I have tried to be the extrovert even though I'm an introvert. I was found out. Sometimes people see us differently than we see ourselves. I don't think I'm that nice of a person but a lot of people have told me that I'm sweet. That has been my experience.

[stuka80]

My personality changed drastically once i reached my mid 20s. Previous to that, i was very introverted and shy and quiet, could never just chat up people i've recently met....But after certain life experiences, my personality took a 180 degree turn. If you saw me before and now personality wise, you'd think its a completely different person. So based on my experience, yes i'd say its very possible.

[DancingFool]

Change can happen, but not so much through faking it as digging down into why you are the way you are inside and addressing that. Sometimes it's not even about thinking or reflection so much as achieving self assurance through life events. I just read a cute article by a college student about how travel has changed her life. She tends to be shy and an introvert, but solo travel gave her confidence and self assurance in the knowledge that no matter what crisis or challenge is thrown her way, she actually can handle herself. Sometimes it's about putting yourself out there, getting challenged and then recognizing that you are just fine and able to deal.

[Dottieflanogon]

Yes, absolutely, yes. While my basic personality has probably not changed a great deal since I was a child ...there is, after all, a genetic factor .... I have made a conscious effort to make some changes to my personality and/or my outlook throughout my life. For me, this has mostly involved things like being more outgoing, displaying self-confidence and speaking up for what I want or what I believe is important.

 

I often still feel shy and self-conscious inside and want to laugh when I hear someone describe me as fearless, but it does happen -- and I've worked at it. You can make certain changes. I'm sure you've heard the phrase, "Fake it till you make it." Often that is how it's done. However, don't discount who you are. Working on improving a thing or two is okay if you feel it's important, but don't think you have to change the whole package.

[Willywagtail]

You haven't changed your personality. You've changed your behaviour. We all do this to some extent, to fit in with certain circumstances or to deal with certain situations.

 

There is nothing wrong with changing your behaviour. What you're doing in fact is changing old behavioural patterns and and thoughts that yiundont like, and you have created new ones. True actually creating new neural pathways each time you repeat the new behaviour. Keep doing it! Yes, you will eventually shift your behaviour and thoughts.

[catfeeder]

Will pretending to be kind and caring lead to actually being kind and caring? Will acting like i care about someones feelings or bad day lead to genuine concern?

 

Sure, because keeping it on your radar and considering your desired behaviors makes them a habit.

 

I think that a lot of this comes with age, and you don't mention yours. I can only tell you that I didn't even start to develop a conscience until around age 30. Before then, I was self centered and plowed through life considering everything through my own lens of 'me'.

 

The fact that you're making the effort to be considerate of others means that you're learning WHY this is advantageous to your relationships and ultimately your Self.

 

How much this sticks or how long it takes is not predictable because we're all unique, and we all mature in different ways and at a different pace.

 

I heard a radio psychologist speak of adolescence not ending in our teens, but rather in our 20's to early 30's. It's a self conscious time of growth and learning how to settle into ourselves and become comfortable in our own skin, and it happens at a different rate for everyone.

 

Kids and teens are naturally self focused. Empathy and generosity are learned skills, and while some parents are better at teaching them than others, it's ultimately up to us to make the conscious effort to learn what only 'appears' to be natural for everyone else. It's not a usual topic of conversation to hear anyone say, "I'm a selfish narcissist, but I try to appear kind and considerate..." even while this is a common condition that everyone needs to figure out how to navigate.

 

As for the bubbly and fun stuff, you'll need to find a balance between fun and exhausting. If you're under the impression that nobody will appreciate you if you tone it down and relax into quiet listening and considerate attention, then you'll fry yourself out and feel fake and unlovable for who you are.

 

I tried an exercise in 'invisibility' once. I went through the day as a quiet observer rather than an entertainer. I found it so pleasant and relaxing, I did it again the next day. Soon I figure out that by dropping the 'show,' I attracted more of the kinds of people I actually admired and respected rather than those who would just latch on to use me for my entertainment value when they wanted to party. My relationships became more intimate, and I became more of my true Self. I could be quiet and thrive socially--what a concept. I've never gone back to the entertainer--although I will say that I do have a sense of humor and I tend to find my own private joke in just about everything.

 

Head high, and wrote more if it helps.